[Kimberj71]

Hey everyone,

Just thought I'd let you know, we went to Guat on Sunday to meet a newborn baby girl who we thought would be our daughter someday. We met her in our attorney's office on Monday and spent almost 3 hours holding her, feeding her, taking photos with her, giving her little gifts, and most importantly falling madly in love with her. Right as we were leaving the attorney's office saying our last good byes, her birthmom and grandparents came in. We didn't meet them as they were in the entry to the office. Apparently the birthmom had not been honest with her family or our attorney. The baby's birthgrandparents wanted to raise her. It was the most difficult day on our journey so far. There is such a thin line between what is and what might have been.

We knew going down so early that this was a high risk for us. But we just had to try. Apparently the new adoption law will not be discussed in congress this week. According to our attorney, if it's not on the agenda next week, they most likely will not discuss it until mid January. We are praying they never discuss it again so that it can never be voted on as our attorney feels it is a bad law.

Our attorney was angry with the birthmom for lying and for causing so much pain. But we know that little Lily was not meant for us. There was another baby girl born just a day earlier and our attorney said that she was going to take custody on Tuesday (the day we were supposed to leave). She said if we stayed an extra day we might be able to meet her and start the paperwork, but that there was absolutely no guarantee that the birthmom would relinquish her rights. We stayed an extra day and waited until Tuesday afternoon when we got the call that this birthmom too had decided to keep her little girl. Soooo much heartache for us.

Now that I've had a chance to get over some of the pain and heartbreak, I think it was a good experience for me personally. I have experienced first hand how much these birthmoms want their children, how much they love them. And I know that when our time comes, that our daughter's birthmom (like all birthmoms who make adoption plans) made an adoption plan because she had absolutely no way to care for her at the time. I can also attest to the truth about birthmoms changing their minds. They are in no way coerced or forced to give their children for adoption, they can and do sometimes change their plans. We should all rest assured that our children are very much loved by their birthfamilies and that they all rest in our arms because the circumstances were such that they couldn't stay with their birthmoms.

On Tuesday morning we were able to tour alittle bit. We took a super quick trip to Antigua, SanAntonio Agua Caliente and the surrounding area. We saw a lot of Guatemala in a very little time and fell in love even more with the land, culture, and people. I will be so proud that my daughter will be from Guatemala. Although the result of the trip was not what we'd hoped for, we did get benefit from it. It will take some time to get over losing Lily. I imagine that I will be praying for her and her mother for as long as I live.

It's good to be home!

Kim
Waiting for referral (4th time is the charm?...since late May)

[snewsie]

Oh Kim...my heart goes out to you. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. There is a special little baby that needs you. It's just around the corner. Take care -
Sue

[bwinks]

Kim,

I do know what it feels like for the birth mom to change her mom and you are right you will never forget about her. She will always hold a very special place in your heart. I hope real soon you will be able to remember how wonderful it felt to hold that special little girl and find joy in that. I believe God has a very special little girl out there for you, keep up the faith. My husband and I have had two wonderful babies that we thought were going to be ours but it was not meant to be. We are happy to say their mom's decided to parent. I just thank God that I had the time I did with them and I look forward to the day when we do get picked and she comes home to stay. God Bless

[becky]

Kim,

Although this journey was a difficult one, I appreciate you being willing to share it all with us. It does provide a bit of perspective for those of us here...

Hopefully, your next referral is your final referral and the little one who is meant for you will finally come into your life!

Good Luck,

[Chrysanthemum]

I am so sorry for your loss. The little girl that is meant to be your daughter will come to you at the right time. You sound like an amazing person with such a positive attitude! You are going to make an awsome Mommy!!!

[TRBenson]

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear what you had to go through. You have a lot of courage to share your story with us. Stay strong, your baby will be with you soon!!

God bless,

[delaware1]

I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you. I hope you're feeling better soon.
-Kathleen

[marykate]

I am so sorry for your pain,but your attitude is wonderful and when the girl God has chosen for you arrives Im sure you be a great mom.

[kahart]

Kim,

I can hear the love in your voice for these children and God is going to send you just the child that was meant to be yours.

We too lost our first referral to the birthmother coming back after a couple of months, it is so hard, but it does get easier. And your right continue to pray for this little girl and her birthmother everyday. I know that's why God placed our first referral in our lives so that we would be faithful to pray for her too.

I hope that you have your referral very soon and are on your way to Guatemala to bring her home!!

[KDhappygal]

I don't even know what to say! How different things turned out than you planned/expected.

Thank you for sharing your experience and story. I know this is hard for you right now but you seem a strong and brave person.

[Eveybri]

I am so sorry for your loss and your experience. I can not even imagine what you are going thru. You had a lot of courage to post your story and I greatly appreciate it. You put a lot of things into perspective here, that it is hard for the Birthmom's. You are a very special person and God will select a very special Baby girl for you, she just hasn't been placed with you yet!!
My heart goes out to you and your family.
I wish you the best of luck, your little daughter is out there somewhere waiting for you, please don't give up.
Take care

[jen]

So sorry to hear about this, but you are doing the right thing by keeping your spirits high and continuing. In total during our processes we accepted 6 referrals only to have 2 children home. It does happen and thanks for sharing your bittersweet experience.