[Belenbaby]

Hi all. I am having a bad day. Even as I write this I'm crying. I am so emotional today.

My computer crashed yesterday and it took me all day to get it back. (Mom crashed it!) even now the font is either 1 inch big or 1 pixel. I cant seem to fix it yet.

But I did get to read about all the wonderful nurseries you all have done. I wanted to post a reply, but with mom sitting there and saying "It's no body's business what you do in your home!!"
I had to wait till today. She doesn't get it!

Any way Anna will have a NY Mets baseball room because she will be sharing Anthony's room for now. As soon one of the big boys move out she will have a princess's room. But I can't ask them to leave. Truth is, I love having them around. Anthony's room is really big and we will put up a folding floor screen to separate them. I will decorate her side a bit, but the Mets wallpaper stays.

Which brings me to the point of this post.
I registered at Babies-r-us yesterday. I felt excited and nervous about doing it. I didn't pick clothes because I dont know what size she will be! But I picked the big things like stroller, high chair and such.
My friends want to give me a shower. I dont believe in them for pregnancies. But this is different. She is already born and healthy. I just dont know the proper time. There isn't much time when you get out of the PGN. But before that it could take months. But I will need stuff right away when she comes home. What do you all think??? I'm so stressed

Dear Donna,

Our church gave us a baby shower at the end of June. We are post-March 5th and originally hoped to have our baby home sometime in July or August...it has been very hard b/c ever since the shower, the "When is he coming home?" question seems to be coming more often than ever. I discouraged people from buying clothes, but many did anyway & I feel bad that he will never wear most of them.

Having said all that, I am SO glad that I had a shower. This is my first baby and I would have regretted not having this experience. More than anything, it was an expression of love from a special group of people. So, even though it was emotionally difficult in some ways, I am grateful for the love and support.

I just can't wait for the day I can answer their questions & say, "We are going to get him this weekend!"

Good luck,
Alex
mom to a darling boy
born 2/11/03
referral 2/24/03
POA sometime at end of March
DNA results 4/8/03
out of Family Court 6/27/03
waiting for PGN/CA or whatever is next!

[tricecm]

You have guts. Every once in a while when I am at Target or Toys Are Us (we don't have Babies R Us in town), I think about what I would register for. But then I wonder if she'll have outgrown all her gifts before she gets home. My 13 year old and I were in the baby dept at Target yesterday thinking about gifts to send her, and I looked at infant seats, swings, those things they stand in and bounce, blankets, feeding stuff, and wondered if she'll even need bottles by the time she gets to MN.

I'm not trying to whine, I just don't know. We haven't even told people -other than those that had to write us recommendations. Our plan is to announce it when we find out we're travelling. My husband is going alone, so perhaps we can have the shower while he's gone.

We're even waiting to prepare the room until then. We have 3 boys now, but we're not moving them around or painting anything pink until we see the whites of her eyes. Not because we don't believe, but because we don't want her pink room and pink things slapping us in the face every day she's not here.

Anyway, can you imagine how exciting and thrilling the work will be once we're ready?!

trice

[Belenbaby]

Registering is the only thing I have done. And I seem to be a basket case ever since. But I need these things and I feel like I wont have time once the call comes. We will get the 1/2 room ready then. My friend who wants to have it says she will "mobilize" as she puts it after we get the call. I just don't know...

[olivia929]

My friends at work want to throw me a shower and they want to know when but I keep putting it off until I know for sure when Olivia will be coming home. I have been waiting 9 months and I'm in PGN now but I still don't feel comfortable having a shower until I have a date to go get her. I told them we should wait until after I get out of PGN (which I hope will be any day now). I think it will take probably 3 weeks after PGN before I go down so that should be enough time for them to get something together. If not it can wait until she is home.

My sister is also giving me a shower for outside work friends and family but we already planned on having that one after Olivia is home so all my family that has to travel a ways can see the baby then as well as attend the shower.

I haven't registered yet because I just can't bring myself to do it. I just want to know for sure I am going to get her before I do that. I have no idea what size she is because I don't get those kind of updates. I have already bought lots of clothes (mostly 12 months and older) but I need a lot of other things.

I think if you feel comfortable having a shower now you should do it but personally, with all that is going on in Guatemala, I should have to wait.

[Bassette]

My mother-in-law and her giggly girlfriends are so anxious to have a baby shower that I'm having to hold them back! I have asked them not to until the baby comes home so that it will be quite clear what we will need.

When we get "the call", I will give them a head's up so that they can plan it and set a date before we leave. I would imagine that the shower will take place very shortly after we return, so we will really only be "without" for a few days. I have all the necessitites already, and many things beyond that which I have gotten off ebay! I know I keep bringing up the ebay venue, but I know there are many families out there who are just gonna squeak by with these adoption expenses leaving them "money conscious" for everything else and ebay has been such a blessing in that respect!!! Maybe I should start a thread about pinching pennies! *hehe*

Anyway, back to the topic! I was a little torn about when to have the shower,...before or after? We will need things when he comes home, but like you said we don't know when that will be or how old he will be! So ultimately I decided, we will get by with the basics for a couple weeks after he comes home and then we will be showered with gifts. It will be a n opportunity for the giggly girls to see him all at once,...otherwise they will be popping in on various days at various times to see him!! That might drive me a little cuckoo, so the shower afterward will be two fold,....1.) gifts and 2.) get the initial visits out of the way all at once.

I wonder what other peeps have done.

[Alex's mom]

My sis threw a baby shower for me after Alex was home. I had registered at Target for the things we needed. He is my first baby too. We had purchased most of the very necessary items, but he gots lots of clothes (which we needed), and some bigger "play" type items, like a walker, some riding toddler toys etc. It was great because all my friends and family got to meet Alex!!! He was around 8 mos old or so at the time of the shower. Also, the girls at work threw a shower for me and Alex after he was home. I got a nice big gift certificate for target and with that purchased the things for him that I still needed-like a jogging stroller etc. That's what we did--and it worked out great!!!

Amy
mommy to Alex
waiting for Ayana
both from Guatemala

[SteveP]

Here are my thoughts on a shower... Personally, I am against a shower until the child is coming home (or days before that). A few of my coworkers threw a shower for me and over 100 people attended. You are probably saying, "What? A shower for a guy??" The gesture was very very nice, but I never asked for it. In fact, very few people knew I was adopting. Anyway, when my first adoption attempt (from Romania) fell through, it caused quite an embarassing situation. To this day, three years later, I have people stopping me every day in work asking how the latest adoption plans are coming. Over the last three years, it's been very difficult to talk about... and every day in work, I'm reminded about it several times. Sometimes I wish I could give the gifts back and never discuss it again.
So until you are 100% sure, I wouldn't recommend it. Just my $.02.
Steve

[KDhappygal]

Honestly, I don't even think about it.

I know my best friend, who has also adopted, is planning a shower for us. I know that and also know I will just leave it all up to her. I expect it will be either after we are out of PGN or not until we return home.

When they adopted, she made it very clear she did not want a shower before they brought the baby home and I think that makes a lot of sense for a lot of reasons. If you are missing or needing something before the shower it is unlikely the baby will ever know.

Of course we need the big things, car seat, stroller etc and just always figured we would provide those ourselves.

We did plan a huge surprise for our friends when they returned home. It was just before Christmas for them so we got a tree, dragged out their ornaments, decorated the house etc and instead of a shower where everyone was pysically present for the event, we had everyone drop off their gifts and we put them around the tree.

That was quite a home coming! The looks on their faces when they came into their own living room with the tree, the Christmas decorations and all those presents!

I think having a baby shower is a wonderful idea. Obviously, the tricky part is the "when".

Trice, I think that's a great idea. That will give you something fun to do while your dh is picking up your child...being with friends and preparing for your child's arrival.

I had a shower for my first-born, a surprise baby shower given by friends at work, and it was so incredible. Dh and I were poor starving students at the time...the pregnancy was a surprise and occurred the 2nd month of our marriage. We had no clothes, no crib, and certainly no money. My friends pulled through...even with the crib!!!

A shower can be a wonderful way to welcome your child home. Perhaps the best time would be after you're out of PGN, but waiting for the pink slip?

Just my thoughts

[becky]

We had our shower after Bella came home...so she could attend! My best friends took us out to dinner at my favorite restaurant...we played little quiz games (how many miles from Atlanta to Guatemala City?)...we ate, opened presents and had a wonderful cake. The best part is that she and my other two daughters were all there (sorry no men or boys allowed).

It was a great way to do it...everyone knew how old she was, what I needed, etc.

[DKIM]

Our Church threw us a shower for our son, but we made them wait until after the relinquishment. I have a friend who wants to throw a "Welcome" tea party for us when we bring our baby girl home. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to register or not, but if I do I'll wait until we're in PGN or FC whichever the last step will be.

With our son it was hard to wait, because we did need things right away. However, since we did wait we able to get lots of larger sized clothes and baby proofing (gates) items. We also had a better idea of what we liked and what we would actually need. There's pros and cons to both ways, but we liked waiting.

I hope you had a fun registering!

[kahart]

We started our adoption in November 2002 and really thought then that our daughter would be home around April or May. Because of that of church threw us a baby shower and it was great! I really enjoyed talking about her and I did register for everything that I wanted for her.

However, that was late march and her nursery has been complete ever since then.

It is really hard to have everything but the baby. And whoever posted about the "when is the baby coming" question is so right, after the shower that question came up every week. I got so depressed trying to explain all of this to everyone and my husband was so discouraged he would just tell them to go ask me, so finally I just said "the adoption isn't going well, she will be home but it will be awhile."

I got lots of clothes and they all worked fine because we visited with our daughter in July and I took everything that was small and left it with the fm. That way she still gets to wear it.

I also got lots of different sizes so I think I should still have plenty of clothes for her when she does come home.

Our daughter turned one on July 2 and she is wearing a 6-9 month size, so we have lots of 12 mo, 18 mo and 24 mo here at our home so I feel like she will still get to wear things that our friends gave us.

Keep you chin up, this will end soon, I really feel like we are all going to be posting that they are coming home soon!

Katherine Hart
Waiting for Jayden Maria born 7/2/02
Mom to Jessica 15 yrs, Jordan 12 yrs. and wife to DH Barry

[ltarala1960]

I am so thankful to all of my friends, family co-workers, a church friends who threw me my baby showers (there were three). Although I expected my son in May and had my showers in April, the warmth and love that these people showed to me has hekped to sustain me during this difficult time. My significant other was deployed to Iraq (and is still there) at the end of Jan., and my mother died suddenly at the begining of Feb. so needless to say, I needed a little cheering up. On top of it all, we had just bought the house of our dreams where we hoped we could enjoy life as a family. Unfortunately I am living here alone until my family comes together someday. It is true, the more people that know the more people that will ask you "When is that baby ever coming home?" It gets frustrating sometimes but, I know that they care for me and want me to finally be happy after the crappy year I've had. My neighbor dragged me to Babies R Us to register, and boy am I glad I did. It was a wonderful day and her 6 yr. old helped me select items, scan them and even demonstrated how they worked. I didn't receive many clothes but, did get the larger items I needed. Someone in my church refinished the highchair that she used for her four adult children (it is 30+ yrs. old) and it is so beautiful. All I'm trying to say is that these gestures gave me hope. we're all different so, just go with your gut,
Lisa

[Jensboys]

Hi there ... we adopted siblings, then ages 3 and 4. In a very nice and sweet gesture, my church friends threw me a "baby shower" (try and find an appropriate card for that ). It was great ... we were given some toys, snowpants, coats etc... The things that make it tough to integrate older children immediately. Mostly though, it was just nice to be agknowledged that their arrival was as treasured as a new baby's.