[bmacrg]

Hello everyone: I am new to this forum. My husband and I are in the process of a Guate adoption. We've been working on our dossier since last year. We are doing well but then had to move from NC to KY so we held up until after the move.

The wait is so hard. and to top it all off, I am having all sorts of
panic moments. We've been married 25 years and this will be our first child. We never thought we'd ever have or want a child.
Then, a couple of years ago, I really needed to be a mom.
I waited and waited for the feeling to go away--since it always did in previous years, but it didn't go away.

We explored foster care and even got our license, but I couldn't go through with the attachment/loss ordeal.

Now that we have decided to adopt, I want to me a mommy so bad it hurts. But, at the same time, I am afraid I have "missed the boat" age-wise and what if I can't handle it? I go back and forth between these feelings so fast sometimes it will make my head spin.

I have been reading books on being an older parent and I read about women who are 50 and older who are doing it and enjoying it.

I'm rambling on and on and I guess my question or statement is this: are there any older mom's on this forum who have had these feelings or who have advice or stories to share regarding this topic.

Thanks for listening --I think I will enjoy being on this forum.

[rprater]

My husband and I have a conversation about this same topic about every day! He turned 54 Sunday and constantly says "I think I'm too old for this!". The fact is, when he is being honest (he's somewhat of a practical joker) he tells everyone it is the children that keep him young! We are in the process of adopting our third daughter from Guatemala.
My advice. Go for it! If you want to be a mom bad enough, you'll be a great one!
Robin

[Kesti]

bmacrg

My friend adopted her first child from China when she was 55 and her husband is about the same age. If you are healthy you are not to old. Think of all the grandmothers who raise their grandchildren.

Kesti

[bmacrg]

Gosh I feel better already! Thanks for your support and
the quick response, too. I know in my heart that I can be a good mom. I also know that 45 is not too old--I am healthy, too.
I guess because I've never been a Mom till now it feels somehow different than say if I had had kids early on and now decided to do it again.
Anyway, I guess if Joan Lunden can take care of twins at 52 I can handle anything.

Thanks again and I look forward to getting to know you all.

[our first baby]

Hello, me and my husbans 25th is next year and this will be our first child{something} i've wanted all of my life...he is going to be 46.. me going to be 44...go for it! Ithink we are more mature and wise then a twenty year old,, we might just have to take naps with our baby!!! Good luck,cathy.

[bmacrg]

To answer Courtney's question, we are adopting an infant of about 4 to 6 mos. A boy. I wanted the "whole" experience.

Thanks to everyone who is telling me to "go for it".
As I said, you all make me feel much more able.

Have any of you read "so glad we waited" or "But I don't feel too old to be a Mommy!"? these have helped me with many of my questions.

I agree, too, with whoever said we are wiser, more settled and smarter at this age to take care of little ones. I know I wouldn't have made a good Mom when I was in my 20's--luckily I recognized that and we didn't have kids.

Wow, this is so great to have this support. I'm so glad I signed on to the forum
Thanks again
barb

[Belenbaby]

OK now its confession time. I also was nervous about the age thing. We are both 43. Here's my big secret. I have already been through 2 in college. 1 has lalready graduated and the other is beginning his last year. They are from a previous marriage. My third son Anthony ( the only one you have known about ) is 9. He is our miracle baby because we were told we couldnt have any children. SOOO... I have Jim who is 24, Kevin age 20, Anthony age 9 and my daughter, who is 6 mo, AND WILL BE HOME SOON. No, I am not too old, although some friends have questioned our decision. It is a very personal one.

bmarcg- welcome to our group! You should definately go for it. You will not regret it. So what if you have to take a nap. I KNOW I will have to!! There are so many plusses to being an older parent and I cant think of any minuses!!
Good luck!!!

[LSS1104]

You are not alone!

I am forty-something, (grin) and waiting for my first little one who will turn 11 months old tomorrow. For me it's the perfect age.

[ISAIAH'SMOMMY]

I'm actually on the other end I started my adoption when I was 25 and believe it or not some people say I am to young. I think everyone is different when you know you know. Good Luck on your journey hopefully you won't have to wait to long for your dream to come true.
God Bless,
Anne (waiting for Isaiah Gabriel)

[Paiger]

I wanted to share a story with you of some friends of my husband and I. The adoptive father is 45 and the adoptive mother is 39. They had a surrogate mother who delivered quadruplet girls a year ago. I too was concerned about age and having enough energy. But I figure if they can handle 4, surely I and handle one. You are definately not too old. I am 42 and my husband is 44. This will be our first child.

[maryanddon]

Donna, I anm right up there with you! My husband and I are both 44, we have a son 24, married and a grand daughter Morgan who will be 3 in December, then we have a daughter who will be 23 in December, and then a son who will be 16 in October, and now we have Maggie 8months, from Guatemala, and its great!!!! I unfortunately lost alot of family in the last 3 years, this keeps me vital and young and very happy, this is really what life is all about, there are so many of us out there we will never be alone, whether we are in our 30's, 40's, or 50's, and incidentally, I swear there was a couple in their 60's if thats possible at the embassy getting a visa for thei 14 month old little girl!!! yes, you may be a little more tired at the end of the day, and your arms may feel like they could fall off! but when they look at you with those eyes, and give you that smile you swear is just for you, you become a mommy or daddy with a gift you can never replace!!! So are you to old , are we ever to old to give love, I hope not!!!!

[Belenbaby]

Thanks maryanddon! Its great to hear from someone who is doing it!!!!

[bmacrg]

I sure am glad I started this thread. There are more of us
than I thought. and, there is strength in numbers, right?
Wow, quadruplets!!! I can't even imagine that.

So, has anyone read the books I mentioned a few posts ago?

Thanks again to everyone who has responded to this thread.
By the way, my husband is 48, I am 44. I forget if I mentioned that earlier.

Barb

[parents2be]

My husband and I are both older also.
I'm 42 and my husband is 49.
This will be our first child also. We wondered whether we were too old or not ,but we've wanted children forever so we're going for it. We are waiting to see if our DNA will be done or not. Our son is 5 months old now. We are hoping this all will resolve soon before we just keep getting older and older!!

[minemake14]

I am 43- here is what I think about the age thing, and tell those who have the audacity to question: What better time to be tied down with kids, when i am starting to slow down myself?????
I just love the looks I get in response!!!!!!!
What is too old?????? Irene