[JeannineW]

I've been reluctant to mention it on this board since it may be a sensitive subject for some but my IVF cycle was a success. I'm 7.5 weeks pregnant! I still can't quite believe it and keep worrying about the outcome since I've already had one miscarriage. But for now, I'm pregnant.

We had already started the adoption process months before we decided to try IVF and planned to go ahead and adopt a toddler if I got pregnant. Now that I am pg, I have two "issues".

Has anyone adopted while pregnant? Does anyone (i.e., INS, PGN) care? Am I nuts to take on the stress of both at the same time?

Am I crazy to think I need so many little kids? We had always planned on a big family but it seems strange to get so big so fast. If all went well, by January, I'd have a 4 year old, a new born, and if we adopt the little boy we've had our eye on for months, a 21 month old plus a 16 yo and 17 yo. Anyone have several little ones and live to tell about it? Want to offer some advice? It seems like the spacing is pretty natural - 4, 2, 0.

I know we'd have some challenging times especially if the baby and the toddler come about the same time but... I'm thinking long term. I like the idea of having the kids close together in age. If we postpone the adoption, we would need to adopt an older child later to "fill" the gap between dd and new baby to have the same close ages but... I'm much more comfortable adopting a younger child.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Jeannine

PS - If this all sounds too analytical, please forgive me. I'm an engineer by training but a mom by choice.

[aspenhall]

If you think you can handle it, then go for it, if I were to get pg while in the process of adopting, I would keep the adoption process going...But I don't have any children currently

[TRBenson]

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!! I'm so happy for you.

Second of all, I forgive you for being too analytical. I was thinking "This woman is thinking waaaaay to much into this" right when I read the analytical discloser at the end of your post

However it happens, it will be fine. You will handle it! It will not be too much, because God only gives you what you can handle. Think of people who have twins or triplets or even a higher number of multiple births....they don't have a choice in the matter, and they handle it....somehow....they are saints! If your kids are not the perfect number of years apart, they will survive that too. I promise!

Nothing you have in store for you sounds easy per se, but it is manageable! Especially if you can recruit the 16yo and 17yo to help out.

Good luck!!

[jen g]

My kids are 7, 5, 3, and 1. (The one year old is my first baby by adoption...she's just home 3 1/2 weeks from Guatemala. I'm wild for her and she's doing so well.) All to say regarding close spacing, I love having the kids close in age. They are such a little PACK. They are each other's friends, playmates, and only sometimes they wrangle. I read a great book on sibling rivalry, by the way, called BEYOND SIBLING RIVALRY and it helped me frame a lot of things. There are of course days when you want to pull your hair out...when there are too many diaper emergencies, spilled milk, mayhem, etc., but those are relatively few and far between. They have the same interests, a lot of the same friends, etc. At first, when they are really little, it's pretty exhausting, but then you give them different responsibilities and it actually helps (like: Please go get Mommy a clean diaper for baby, etc). You also have to relax your standards about how clean the house will be, etc., and you have to let them be kids (allow them to run around in parts of the house that are okay for that in the winter and in nice weather, get them out playing as much as possible!) Pray daily for patience, remember what precious gifts they all are, and enjoy them. I laugh so much every day and wouldn't trade this part of my life for anything.
Best to you,
Jen G

[patrick_keeler]

I would like to say that God gives us more than we can handle, just enough for us to grow, but not enough to make us break...

Go for it and congrats on getting PG. We went through the same thing (IUI, IVF) and were unable, but we had discussed and we would have pressed on had she gotten PG.

[crathke]

You are, however, incredibly, amazingly blessed. The best of both possible worlds to bring a family into existence!

However (she said, chuckling) I Will be praying you can keep your sanity together!

[Tammy1976]

Congratulations Jeannine!!!! I'm very happy for you! I say go for it. What an incredible blessing.

Good Luck!
Tammy

PS Patrick- I love what you said! You said it better than I ever could have!

[becky]

Jeannine,

I have a good friend who had a 2 year old son adopted from Guatemala and she began her second adoption from Guatemala. During the process she found out she was pregnant. So...she now has a 2.5 year old, a just turned 1 year old, and a 4 month old.

She is very busy...but very blessed!! You can do it...as a mom of 5 (3 of who were born in 3.5 years time)...I know you can!! Big families are a TON of fun.

[qand2more]

It's a free for all of love, laughter, diapers and lot's and lot's of sippy cups.... While I can't speak for having him home yet we are very much looking forward to having a 32 month old, 24 month old and 13 month old in our home although those ages just keep getting older as we wait out the PGN/ Central Authority issues.

Go with your heart it will guide you in the decision. If the strings are a tugging for that little boy he was most likely meant to be in your home and a member of your family.

[JeannineW]

Thank you everyone for your supportive responses. I really wasn't sure if those who had been or were going through the process would support doing both at the same time. I think I can handle it emotionally if the Hague will just get out of the way.

It was also reassuring to hear from those of you with little ones who are close. I think handling several little ones is a skill you learn. I had a foster baby for 9 days last week (that sounds weird). I was surprised at how easy it was to add a newborn to the family. It was challenging, especially the lack of sleep, but I think it would get easier with time as you learn what works and what doesn't for everyone involved.

Going from one little one to three will definitely be trying at times but what a wonderful trial. Hague permitting I think we'll go for it.

Thanks again.

Jeannine