[vagirl]

Well, I had decided to have CHS do a search for my birth mother, and they found out within a few days that she is deceased. She apparently passed away in 1975, when I was 10 years old!! That was a shock and total disappointment. They also know where the birth father is but I am not sure I am interested in contacting him. Interestingly enough, my birth mother's mom is still living at age 93. She is apparently still living at home with a relative, we will see if I am able to meet any maternal bio family - I sure hope so. I guess it is true, before deciding to do a search you have to be prepared to handle any outcome.


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[humbird753]

I am sorry for your news. I am new at searching for my daughter. I am a birth mom. I am hoping to find out nothing but best news. But you are right when you say we need to be prepared for any outcome. God bless you and give you peace.

[JustPeachy]

I am so sorry that your birthmother passed on before you had the opportunity to meet her. I hope you will be able to get to know her other family members. It would be very cool if you could meet your birth-grandmother. Keep us posted in your continued search.

[kakuehl]

You have my sympathy on discovering the death of your bmom. It was always my fear with my bson: to find that he was not living. With the others I hope her family wants to meet you.

[Dickons]

I am sorry, my birth mother had also passed away before I found her. I wish you peace.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[MarnieBeth]

Originally Posted by vagirl

Well, I had decided to have CHS do a search for my birth mother, and they found out within a few days that she is deceased. She apparently passed away in 1975, when I was 10 years old!! That was a shock and total disappointment. They also know where the birth father is but I am not sure I am interested in contacting him. Interestingly enough, my birth mother's mom is still living at age 93. She is apparently still living at home with a relative, we will see if I am able to meet any maternal bio family - I sure hope so. I guess it is true, before deciding to do a search you have to be prepared to handle any outcome.


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Hi vagirl,

I'm 44 now but started searching when I turned 18. I had a lot of help and finally found my birthfamily after more than 10 years. I also found out my birthmom had died when I would have been around 6 or 7.

At that time, I didn't want to know anyone else. I was searching for my birthmom and to find out she was deceased crushed my entire world. I was given a list of current names and addresses for my grandparents, aunts and uncles. This list included phone numbers. I could care less, I wanted my mom.

My husband, bless his heart - persisted. Said we needed to connect with these people. They are my family. We argued, but eventually I gave in and let him make the call.

To make a very long story short - I ended up having a wonderful relationship with my birthmother's family. This relationship is irreplaceable. I'm so thankful my husband made me go through with the connection.

I still grieve for my mom. My mom's family has told me stories about her, but it's not the same as knowing her. My grandfather gave me a stack of sympathy cards and letters that had been sent to them by various people after my mom passed away. In those cards and letters I was able to learn so much about my mom. I still have them in my cedar chest and will take them out occasionally and read thru them again. I think there are something like 50 - 60 in all.

I hope this helps in some way. I know it's devistating.

[cetalley]

I offer my most sincere condolences of the passing of your firstmom. I always tell people, we are not guaranteed not one more day on this earth.....if one feels the need to know, putting it off could be too late. I am a firstmom, searching for my 22 yr. old twin sons...my biggest fear is one or both would not be alive, or they went to IRAQ. I will say a prayer for you along with peace and serenity.

[lewert]

I, too, found that my birth mother had passed away once I "found" her. Tragically she had died less than a year after giving birth to, and relinquishing me for adoption (Dec of 1962). Her mother AND grandmother were still living, along with three brothers who knew nothing about me. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to meet my grandmothers before they passed away, and I enjoy a wonderful relationship with the rest of my maternal birth family to this day.

I encourage you to seek out your birth father, as I eventually did. He has been a special addition to my family and although I would have given nearly anything to have found Joyce living, Mike and I have a relationship that is too special to have been missed.

[zoey1234]

I also found my birth mom passes away but I have pictures of her now so just becuase she is passes way do what it takes to sastify you!

[MarnieBeth]

see zoey, that's the thing - I have found no way to be "satisfied" with her passing b4 I was able to reunite with her. That is the devastation. I try hard, really I do. I tell myself I know her spirit is with me, I feel her - I've had dreams where it seems she may have visited, where I could almost touch her. Again, almost - just out of reach. ahhhh

[zoey1234]

anyway to make connection with birth family or atleast get a picture of her i took the end route around to get a picture of her and to know about my birth mom I even went so far as to get her death certfiacte and autopsy.It gave me some peace to get these things. IF you want to know more send me and Email Ill give you an whole story. Dreamernarizona@aol.com Also get yourself involved with an aoption suport group in your area you willl be suprised at the people you will meet!

[hnnybnny]

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. I found my birth mom in september of 2004, she lived in colorado and I in ohio. we were penpals, never spoke, met... anything. She was diagnosed w/ lung cancer and died a year and a month after i found her. Her brother found our letters and contacted me and my birth grandmother is still living at 93 and lives relatively close to me. I want to have a connection with her, but i find it really hard. I hope you find some relatives and find some peace in this entire journey. I got some answers, but still feel really conflicted. Good luck with your journey