[sam2173]

With my adoptive moms help I found my birth parents in 1995. I got to know them a little while my sister (same biological parents adopted into the same family different times) was in Utah. I even got to go to a car show with my dad.

Since my sister has moved to Washington she has become the "favored child". I haven't seen our biological parents for several years.

Anyway, my dad got cancer about 2 years ago. He died on Sunday, September 7, 2008; Grandparents Day! I don't seem to be invited to the funeral which is today.

I am worried my sister isn't telling the truth. Or even is telling outright lies so she can be the "good child". In our adoptive home I was the "good child". I don't like being the "bad child" when I have no clue what I did!

Guess, that's all. Thank You!

[curiositykitten]

You don't have to be invited to a funeral to go. If they didn't notify you within enough time for you to be able to prepare for a trip that's really cruel.

Is it feasible for you to be able to send a plant? Or a card to someone? Does he have a spouse you could write to? Would that be your birthmom?

[Blessed2x.]

I'm sorry for your loss!

[sam2173]

My adoptive mom, nephews, neices (birth dads grandchildren; sisters kids we've got custody) and I held our own little memorial. I printed out three pictures of b-dad and we lit a fire. We wrote letters to him and drew pictures. Then we slowly burned each page. Most of the papers we burned upside down but the last one we burned, the last picture we have of him, we burned face up.

I tried writing to my birth mom but somehow it backfired. She got mad at something I wrote and I am not sure why. So, now I am scared to write her.

I suppose that my birth mom and I are waiting for the other to initiate getting together. With my sister telling her twisted stories (lies or maybe her perspective) I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to make "second contact".

[curiositykitten]

I'm sorry for your loss. I think that having your own memorial was a nice idea. Maybe this is the opening you need to be able to resume contact. You could always just send a sympathy card expressing your sadness and tell her you'll be there for her.