[ripples]

Today is Mother's Day is the birthday of my now deceased adoptive mother as well as my first Mother's Day in my birth country (motherland?). But there are few people except many of you who really understand, or at least can empathize with, what it's like to endure Mother's Day with one's mother(s) now gone. So today I ended up in tears at a friend's place and got the "just think how lucky you are, look on the bright side, you've gotta move on" schpiel. I tried to say that I'm not always so sad, it's just that days like Mother's Day trigger this grief that I've had buried inside me for so long. While I know that she was trying to do the quick-fix approach, and meant well, I still felt really angry. So few people are comfortable with someone just feeling so sad occasionally. I'm sure many of you can relate so thought I'd share how I feel.

[taramayrn]

I am so sorry you weren't supported by your friend. You are supported here. ((((HUGS))))

[Patty-cake]

I posted this on another thread but I'll share with you what helps me. Since my mother would be elderly now. I take the money that I would have spent for her gift and adopt an elderly woman who is either childless or who's children are neglectful and do for them what I would have done for my mama. I know this pleases her up in heaven and it helps me forget the loneliness. I also focus on my mother-in-law.

[kakuehl]

Dear Ripples, you're right. There are triggers for all of us. Like you, Mother's Day is one for me. (Of course I get to be in church and wish everyone a "Happy Mother's day" and remember - it's not about me...(Sigh)

Most people are uncomfortable in the face of grief and they want fix it quickly for you! That explains why people say such stupid things when someone dies! I try to teach (and practice) the ministry of presence. When another person needs to vent feelings, they need to know someone is with them and hearing them... offering silent (or mostly silent) support. It's NOT necessary to have the right words or solutions (there really aren't any); but one can say, "I hear you pain, etc, - NOT I understand what you're feeling!"

So, Ripples, I hear what you are saying and I will hold you in my prayers this day!

[ripples]

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate it! The ministry of presence sounds fantastic too! What burns me up even further is when I said, "my birth mother, my birth father, my adoptive mother and my stepfather are all gone," she said, "well at least you have your adoptive father and adoptive siblings left, they're your real family, there's no use crying anyway." I then said to her, "perhaps you'll understand how one feels on Mother's/Father's Day when your parents are truly gone." Again, I knew she meant well and was trying her best to fix things by distracting me from my grief. I agree that so many people are uncomfortable, even afraid, of grief whereas my view is that it's as natural and human as all other feelings.