[alwaysfrog]

She is dead and I don't know how to process it. It has been 12 years since I found out and I feel like I am still in limbo over it.
I decided to register with Alma. I always thought when I was ready she would be waiting for me. Naive, I know. There was no instant match. We moved and I didn't update our address. 10 months later, my b-sister and b-aunt registered and they instantly matched them.

It took them two years to find me since I hadn't updated my address.

I got that call. You know the one. The one we all dream about...
Hello.
Is this Jill?
yes.
Jill T...
Yes.
Jill S....
Yes.
(BY now I am starting to wonder)
Were you born on October 11th, 1968?
Yes.(and I started to cry)
Are you her??? I asked about three times

and finally the woman on the other end of the phone said no honey, I am your aunt, you mother passed away over 2 years ago.

It turns out my birth mom had the month before my b-sister and b-aunt had registered with ALMA.

We talked and cried for over two hours. I talked to my sister that night for hours too. Our relationship has since gone south.

One very neat thing happened though.

I was pregnant with my daughter when my b-mom died. I had wanted all of my children to be named after someone to give them a sense of history that I didn't have growing up. My daughter was to be named after someone on my husbands side and my middle name.

The night before I had her, I had this overwhelming urge to change her name from S... Elizabeth to S.... Christine. Now, we didn't know anyone named Christine but I did it anyway.

I found out later, that my birth mother's name was Christine and she died while I was pregnant. I named my daughter after my birth mom without even realizing it!

My adoptive mom told me it was God's way of always having a part of her with me.

I am totally rambling here.

[lonni]

My goodness, I am so sorry to hear this.
What a great permanent connection through your daughter and her name.

[cnb1099]

I am so sorry for your loss. But I am sure she would have been honored that you chose to give your daughter her name...what a wonderful legacy!

[AdrianLAnderson]

Same thing happened to me. My mom died in 2005, the same year as my adoptive moms dad. That was so awful, but to have to deal with my mothers death too was extremely harsh. I'm sorry for your loss and it will take time to process it, but in time you will. I still haven't but am working on it. I wish you the best of luck.

[snuffie]

I am soo sorry for you loss. My bmom passed away before I found her too. Not only was I devastated by never being able to give her a hug but I also was saddened by the questions that would never be answered.

My bsibs have helped immensely by telling me much about my bmom. another thing that has helped has been that I talked with some old friends of hers and have gotten so much from them - stories, old memories.

The pain of losing someone never goes away totally. but I feel that my bmom is right here with me and that helps a lot too.

Snuffie