[ripples]

Does anyone know of any books about bereavement that looks at adoption-related bereavement? (i.e. people who were separated by adoption conducting a search for one's birth family member, but finding that the family member died before they were able to be found)? The only resource I've found so far is the FoundandLost group http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group...ndLostSupport/ but no books.

I've found readings about general bereavement and others about the complexities of adoption/search/reunion, but very few that combine both. The closest book I've found is, "Finding Your Way After Your Parent Dies", which has a small chapter on adoptees dealing with their parents dying. Any other recommended readings on post-search bereavement would be appreciated.

P.S. I remember that somewhere in adoption.com I'd read that one of the big fears amongst birth parents or adoptees who begin their search is the possibility of finding that their birth family member is dead. Now I know why they might feel such fear.

[Growing]

Hi Ripples,

I totally relate to your post. I, too, found that my first mother had passed away before I searched. She had registered on registries and had told her family that I would someday search.
It feels like I will never be able to fully grasp parts of myself because I never got to meet her and know her. It feels very elusive, even though as I've allowed myself to greive her death I have been able to embrace who she is in me and through her extended family (brothers, sisters, parents, etc.). I wish there was more literature on this subject because it is a blow to the psyche. Like the dormant part of ourselves who search in the first place is never released because of finding a death, before a birth is able to be established, in our history and identity. I do like Betty Jean Lifton's books, Journey of the Adopted Self, etc.

Growing