[pucknstick]

She died in 1991 in a fire. The home that gave me away has known about it since the mid-90s.

How do you deal with THAT?

[stinky_kitty]

I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

*J*

[pucknstick]

It amazes me that there is an entire sub heading under the reunion section dedicated to this topic.

It's nice to know you're not alone in it.

[ingodshands]

So sorry to hear that your birthmother has passed away..

There are a couple of adoptees on the forum that have located their birthmothers, to find they have passed away too.

I cannot give any advice on how to deal with that situation, as I have not been through it, but many hugs to you sweetie...

I am hoping one adoptee I really admire, will see your post and respond, and be able to support you through this difficult time.

Collette

[pucknstick]

I never dreamed it could hurt like it does. I have an 8-month old, so I got hot on the search. I finally contacted Gladney to see if my non-id info had been updated, and they told me my grandma had been there in the mid-90s to report my mom's death.

I get to freakin grieve 15 years after the fact.

It is bittersweet though. I found that I have a 23-year old brother. And I was never kept a secret; he knows about me. I will look him up as soon as I get her name and all that. And I ain't waiting for Gladney to do it for me.

It's more bitter than sweet though.

[snuffie]

Dear Pucknstick
I am an adoptee who also found her birthmom too late. My birthmom died 4 years before I found out who she was. It hurts, doesn't it. I know I grieved for a very long time. My aparents had passed away just a few months before so it was a very difficult time for me.
But I did reunite with my siblings and through them have learned a great deal about my birthmom. It is so cool that your brother knows about you. How wonderful.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. And that things do get better.

Hugs
Snuffie

[Isabella]

Hi, Pucknstick!

I know your pain and what you are going through! My search led me to the graves of BOTH of my b-parents. Take it one moment at a time and remember to breathe. I know what it is like to grieve for lost dreams, hopes, and conversations that will never be. We are living an adoptee's worst fear and all we can do is reach out and pray that there is someone out there that understands our pain. I AM HERE FOR YOU AND I WILL HELP YOU THROUGH THIS! If you want you can e-mail me at wingsofgab@yahoo.com. You are in my prayers!

Isabella

[krielly]

Unfortunately, I too am now part of this thread.. My CI just found out on 7/1 that my bdad died back in March after a long illness. Coincidently, that's the exact month I wrote the letter to the judge requesting he allow the confidential search.

I feel so many things, hard to put into words. Mostly I just feel like I'm in a "funk". Those of you who share this experience probably understand.

My bdad had 5 other children. So I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters out there. He also had 2 sisters, who my CI is in the process of trying to contact.

With 7 members of his immediately family out there, I figure the odds are in my favor that at least ONE of them may want to meet

We can only take it one day at a time. Keep your chin up!

[jsmiggs]

I found my birthfamily last year and found that my birthmother had committed suicide in December of 1989. I also found that I had moved 1400 miles that year as she had done also. We were within a mile of each other at the time she died. Shortly thereafter I moved back to Michigan. I found the coincidence very wierd.

I have a great sister who has become a friend. I am very fortunate to have found the "truth" about everything and will always be greatful to my birthmother for the opportunity she gave me to have a better life. I know I can never really tell her that.

I have a few of my birthmothers things and some pictures of her. It is not the same but it gives me some comfort. I think it just takes time to come to accept things the way they are. Best wishes.

[hideyho]

[quote=Isabella]Hi, Pucknstick!

"We are living an adoptee's worst fear ..."

isn't that the truth. I am so sorry to hear this. you need so bad to feel their arms around you just once. Please be very good to yourself and those you love. Best wishes.

[Dickons]

Pucknstick,
I am sorry for your loss and that you did not meet your birthmother. My search had the same results as yours, and others posted here. At least I have been welcomed by some of my birth family. Take the time to grieve so that you do not build walls around your heart.
Dickons

[jsg36007]

sorry to hear of your loss , that is very unfortunate i know. when i met my birth parents they both had terminal cancer and my mother rejected me as well. I know how you must feel. pat yourself on the back for having courage to do it, it's a very difficult process and the outcome is not always what you expect. my sympathies.

[jamiec_NC]

My sister committed suicide in 1981. It was really hard on me and our entire family. Since then I have thought about the daughter she had to give away in 1970, but didn't have the heart to try to find her. I wondered "how could I tell her?" Well now I have finally decided to try - she might just want to know the "truth".... And she might also want to meet her half brother and sister, and of course I'm her aunt and would love to meet her. Also, I know the name of her birth father. So, even though her mother has passed away there is still a birth family out here.

[CindyWho]

How do you deal? You grieve. I found my bmother in 2004, only to find out that both she and my bfather had died in 1994. I was shocked by the pain I felt and it took a while to feel better again. Sometimes it feels like a bad dream;that I will nevermeet her and find out what makes me me, the real story behind my relinquishment and that she will never know that she had 3 wonderful grandchildren, and a happy, healthy daughter. I always somehow thought that she would be there waiting.

[DJbluenosenewfie]

Originally Posted by pucknstick

She died in 1991 in a fire. The home that gave me away has known about it since the mid-90s.

How do you deal with THAT?

I unfortunatlly can relate. my b-mom passed away on Sept 9 1991, coincidently enough my first day of kindergarden. I found out a year and a half ago she passed away. sept 11 2005 (she was burried sept 11 1991) its hard to mourn someone you never new. but i have been learning that its not the person we knew that we mourn its the ideas of what we wanted and who we thought it would be that we mourn. not many people undersand how it feels and why were sad. but it does help to know your not alone. feel free to pm if you need to talk.