[cawb052]

i too found my birthmother she had died the year i finally got my non-idenifying information so when i starded my search i found she had passed only a few months for i found the birthfamily they took me to her grave site and it put some closuer but left so many un answered queations that she took with her to her grave feel your pain god bless christine

[kailapea@aol.co]

I haven't posted on these boards in a long time, but related to this topic. I found my birth family about 5 years ago, only to learn that my B/M had died 2 years earlier. After I met my siblings, I felt a huge sense of loss. At some point my grief over the loss became overwhelming. I was so shocked at how much it hurt.

The last time I was on the East Coast I went to the cemetary and spent some time at her grave with one of my brothers. It gave me a sense peace, but there are times I still miss her to the point of tears (which is shocking to me since I never met her).

What gets me is that I had her information, from a marriage certificate for years but did not follow thru on it because it did not fit what I had been told by my family....

[Blue Irish Eyes]

I located my birthmother and even talked to her on the phone one time...she was not interested in sharing information...long story. She died two years to the date that I spoke to her on the phone. Then a year later my husband and I went to the state from which she lived. I met one half brother..all seemed to go well but then a half sister got into the picture and threatened me with a law suit if I ever contacted them again. I was so shaken that I bypassed going to the cemetery where my biological mother is laid to rest...I regret that my fears and upset at the time drove me to abandon my goal to pay respects to her. That said, I have a picture of her ( given me by a cousin with whom I am close) and while I do hope one day to go to the cemetery, for now, just knowing where she is, and being able to think of her is good. The lady I feel closest to and never knew is my grandmother..I think she is the one who really cared...I was given her middle name for a birth name.

Try to be at peace..you have the brother who is close with you and that is a wonderful thing..The one thing I did get when I met my half brother was a wonderful hug and I felt that came from my birthmother..it was the only hug I would have from her. So...when you are feeling especially blue...see if your brother can give you a hug from her to you though him..it might be a comfort in it's own way.
Bless you,
BIE

[guntli_1]

I have know clue how to deal with that. I'm still trying to find my birth mother. Sorry for your loss though

[jsg36007]

wow, thats a hard story and even harder when a half sister threatens something like that. My story is almost the same, i met both of my parents about 8 years ago and it turned out both had terminal cancer and died after one another. wheww! still haunts me to this day. the relationship didn't work out with them, and family members on my moms side were less than thrilled to meet me. oh well, it's their freakin loss. I actually encourage people not to look for their birthparents after that experience, i was damb near on the verge of losing my mind.

[flwrchldbeck]

I was recently contacted by my birthfather's family only to find out that he died in 2001. My half-brother died in 2003. I have been to their graves but was overwhelmed with grief and burst into tears. I felt so strange for feeling that way over people I'd never even met. It's noce to know I'm not alone.

[Ellenor]

I know exactly what you are going through. My birth father was killed by a psychopath when I was 4 months old. Looked after by foster parents from the ages of about 3, then finally adopted when I was 6. My adopted mum told me this when I was about 9 and I did not know how to deal with it, I was emotionally beside myself. Then at the age of 30 I desperately seeking answers. A couple of months ago I finally found out for myself on the internet. A copy of the court case had been printed on the internet detailing every stage of the attack. How do I deal with this? I ask myself. How do you deal with the knowledge that your birth mum died in a fire - ? The answer - you don't stop grieving. Some days your okay and others your not and you have no support. My name is Ellenor. If you need to contact someone who know what your going through - my e-mail is indigo26@hotmail.co.uk

[Ellenor]

Hi there. Just thought I'd drop you a line to reassure you that you are not the only one whose parents have died in tragic circumstances and I can honestly say I know how you feel. I am constantly living with grief after my bdad died tragically after being attacked by a psychopath when I was a baby (4months old). I didn't know until my insensitive adoptive mother told me when I was about 9. I was given no support emotionally to deal with this. At the age of 30 I am still struggling to deal with it, particularly when less than a month ago I read the whole court case on the internet. This detailed every detail of the attack and how he died and all aspects of the brutality inwhich he was killed. It's very painful to deal with and I'm still living with that grief. I am glad I read your message because it makes me feel that I am not alone and that others have to try to deal with these very sad feelings. If you need to talk my e-mail is indigo26@hotmail.co.uk. Bye, from Ellenor.