[chris1965]

My bdad died in early '91.

[djs64]

I am sorry for your loss and understand what you are going through. I found my bfamily almost 14 years ago and found that my bmom had already died. It was difficult at the time but I also found that I had two brothers and extended family. My brothers ( both older than me) did not know about me. I did meet them 14 years ago and just recently saw them for the second time this past October.

This time my cousin took me to the gravesite where my bmom is buried along with my grandparents and many others.
I was not prepared for the emotions of mourning someone i had never met.Especially, fourteen years later. This was one of the hardest things I have been through but feel it was neccassary to go to the cemetary. It did bring some closure for me. It is not the way I had hoped to "meet" my bmom but it is the closest I can get. Perhaps that would help you as well. I find comfort in knowing there are people out there that can understand what we are going through. i hope that brings you some comfort as well.

[Britt42]

djs64, I too, had met my birthfamily 14 years ago this month actually. My birthmother had also passed away by the time I decided to finally make contact. It was really shocking. All the dreams you have of meeting and getting questions answered are gone. She has a huge family though and they have been really good to me. The past few years I thought I had gotten over it, but lately I am getting upset again that I couldn't meet her. Going to the cemetary was really strange for me. I understand what you mean about the emotions of mourning someone you've never met. I have only gone that one time 14 years ago. I just can't seem to bring myself to go again. It's good to know other people understand.

[MistyAnn22]

I found her. We spent a year dancing around the questions. She had so many personal issues I kept thinking now is not the time to really delve into her reasonings, her thinking. Give her the space to adjust to the idea of a newly found daughter and then she was dying. We cried together, but we still thought we had time. She was only 44. she had an 11 year old to care for. I thought if I waited, if I was patient that I would be given the time I so desperately sought. The answers to the questions I thought I needed. Then she was gone. Two months after her diagnosis. The doctors had said we would get a year. I needed that extra year. Its been two years now and I still feel cheated. I got to hug her and tell her that I love her. I thank God for those moments but its still so hard not to be angry.

[ripples]

Originally Posted by MistyAnn22

Its been two years now and I still feel cheated. I got to hug her and tell her that I love her. I thank God for those moments but its still so hard not to be angry.

Dear MistyAnn22,
I can relate to how you feel cheated and angry. The finality of losing a family member hurts so much. All the blatherings from others about 'oh well, at least you had....", "you're lucky that....", just doesn't compensate for the profoundly huge loss.

I have learned that it's OK to let my all feelings run their course, however long that may be, just that it's important to find a safe place to let them out. A part of me wishes that I was somehow 'over it', but another part of me has learned that sometimes healing has its own rhythm.

Grieve in your own way, heal at your own pace. I am thinking of you. Thank-you for sharing.

Yours,
Ripples

[Blue Irish Eyes]

I am so sorry for your loss...I wish you had been able to have more time and I understand this. I found my bmother who didn't want further contact. I thought maybe in time she would change her mind..and then she died...so the hope I had vanished and that feeling of loss remains, those unanswered questions......they can haunt. I am hoping that in time I will adjust but so far it hasn't happened...It is a loss and the process of going through grief will just take time..I wish you peace and know you are not alone.

[wonder]

Originally Posted by Blue Irish Eyes

I am so sorry for your loss...I wish you had been able to have more time and I understand this. I found my bmother who didn't want further contact. I thought maybe in time she would change her mind..and then she died...so the hope I had vanished and that feeling of loss remains, those unanswered questions......they can haunt. I am hoping that in time I will adjust but so far it hasn't happened...It is a loss and the process of going through grief will just take time..I wish you peace and know you are not alone.

I don't know what is worse - not knowing much re birth parents - or is it best not knowing?. They could both have passed away by now.

I have since found out my biological mother's name. it is Anna Katrina Alletta Nel. She apparently stayed at the Royal Hotel in Cathcart Shortly before giving birth to me in 1964.

Can anyone please tell me what hospitals existed in Cathcart at that time? Also - how would I obtain the hospital records? I need things like her ID number and what name she put down as the father.

I really would appreciate some assistance with this.

I was adopted in 1964. My adoptive parents lived in Fort Beaufort (Eastern Cape) at the time. They fetched me from Queenstown adoption agency. Apparently - I was the first adopted baby in Fort Beaufort at the time (This is based on information given to me from my adoptive parents). I was christened in the Dutch Reformed Church (A request from my biological mother). The church was packed to such an extent that people stood outside the church.(This is also based on information given to me from my adoptive parents). There was also an article in the local Newspaper at some stage. I don’t know if this was when "I arrived" or if it was of the christening.

I have no idea how I can go about obtaining details of my biological parents. All I know is - she was Afrikaans and he was Irish. She worked in a Post Office.

The reason for my search is - I believe that - if my biological father was Irish - then I am entitled to an Irish Passport. I have no names, addresses or anything like that. I don’t know if he lived in this Country at some stage or if he was just passing through.

How do I get the information I need and how do I obtain a copy of the Newspaper article that was apparently published sometime in 1964. Possibly in July 1964.

The newspaper article that was published in the local paper in Fort Beaufort - way back in 1964. probably around July 1964. The article was about (apparently) the first adopted baby in the town at that stage. Can anyone help me find this article?

[gettnhitched]

I too have just found my birthmother and she died 5 years ago. My adoptive mom died when I was 7, so I had a small glimmer of hope that I might one day have a "mom" in my birthmother, but that hope is gone. I guess I was never meant to have a mother for long, so I will just try to be the best mom to my own children that I can. I have found two high school photos of hers and I have written her sister a letter and just mailed it and I am hoping that she will want to have contact and can share some information about my birthmom with me. Hugs to you all that have gone through the same situation!

[wonder]

Hi Gettnhitched

AWE! how sad! I truly hope her sister will share precious moments that she shared with your Bmom. So far - I only have my Bmom's name - so have to use my imagination as to what she is or was like. I have also wondered who do I take after? Him or her? Will you let us know if your Bmom's sister contacts you? Lots of hugs to you see? ;o)

[jamiec_NC]

I posted on Jan 1 that my sister died in 1981 but I was looking for her daughter. Well, I found her on Jan. 3rd!! It was really hard to tell her that her mom passed away, and how. It took a month to verify that she's my neice, and it's been a real rollercoaster ride since. But ... I am SO happy to have found her, and she says that she's SO happy to have found me too. She came to spend a weekend with me in March and then in June we rented a condo in NC and had a party! She met lots of biological relatives then. In July I met her adoptive parents and that went well too. Strange enough, she looks a lot like me and is a lot like me in many ways. She says that she really appreciates finding out what her biological family is like because now she understands certain things about herself a little better. We email each other almost every day and I can't imagine my life without her. I really didn't anticipate such a positve outcome - I really wasn't sure why I decided to search - I just kept having the urge to find her. I had read articles and talked to a few adoptees, enough to realize that every person needs to know where they came from. I realized that the new I had would be very sad, but I kept thinking that at least she would know where she came from, and the truth about what happened to her mother. But it was SO scary to make that first call! But I'm so glad that I did. We've talked a lot about my sister, went to her gravesite, etc. I've been an open book to her since I found her - it just feels like the right thing to do. All I can say is that God is in control and that his timing is always right. We may not understand what His plan is, but we do need to trust Him.

[wonder]

Hi Jamiec

AWE!!! what a lovely outcome after a sad happening. i am still waiting for more information re my Bmom. I realise that the possibility of her having passed away is quite high. She gave me away 43 years ago ....
I hope my story also has a happy ending. Thank you for sharing your story.

[escottswanson]

Here.

My mother died in 1995 of bacterial pneumonia

Today is the second day I have known... I have plenty to do now, but my dream is over

all I have is this song, it is for all of you

MySpace.com - Thank You Mother - CEDAR PARK, Texas - www.myspace.com/thankyoumother

[lonni]

Originally Posted by pucknstick

She died in 1991 in a fire. The home that gave me away has known about it since the mid-90s.

How do you deal with THAT?

Oh my goodness- I am SO SORRY.
And what an absolute BETRAYAL of that home to keep this info from you. Absolutely HEARTLESS of them.

[Sandra47]

How did you find her?

[cherilynn68]

add me to the thread/group too

I found my birth sisters (and birthmother's family) the end of January

My birthmom died 17 years ago and never said a word about me.

I wasn't the only one she gave up. She had a boy in '64. His adoptive parents were friends of hers. The mom found the girls (3 sisters) a few years ago

Am I odd for not being more than sad for a moment to learn that Dorothy is dead??