[lemonchutney]

My bgrandma on my bmother's side was an amazing woman, or so I'm told. She wanted to keep and raise my twin sister and me, but my bgrandfather vetoed it.

As it turns out my bgrandmother died in her fifties of sudden heart failure. At the time of her death, my sister and I were seven years old. This would have been a devastating age to lose our primary caregiver, so I'm grateful that my bgrandfather's wishes prevailed.

Still, I grieve the fact that I never knew this wonderful lady who was poet laureate at her college, was a social worker, and was loved and admired by all who knew her.

This past mother's day, my bmother told me that after looking in at us in the nursery at the hospital, my bgrandma said, "When I saw their feet kicking, I knew they would bring some joy into the world." I regret that I brought only loss and sorrow to my bgrandma's life. I wish I'd had the chance to bring her some joy.

-LC

[patrisha]

LC

How do you know that she doesn't look down now with pride and joy, also grateful that her husband's wishes prevailed for your sake.

Perhaps that is even where some of your own writing ideas "pop in" from.

Trish

[lemonchutney]

Those are lovely thoughts. I'm trying not to tear up now as I sit in my cubicle at work.

LC

[sspete]

Lemon--Grandmothers are wonderful people aren't they!! I am sure she knows you are doing just fine, and it makes her extremly happy to know the great woman you have become. I can almost guarantee you her spirit lives on through you!! I hope this help--Prayers and Blessings!!! S Pete

[lemonchutney]

Thanks, S Pete! Your words do make be feel better.

[LisaGA]

LC,

Don't forget that in many ways you DO know her! For you are part of her - and you know yourself!

Bless you,

Lisa

[lemonchutney]

It's sweet of you to say so.

One way I can get to know her better would be to study her poems. I've been meaning to make copies of her poems some time when I'm visiting my bmother. (We don't get together often as we live on opposite coasts.) Anyway, the poems are in hand-written hardcopy only. Your message gave me an idea: Maybe I'll make a website out of her poems to memorialize her and to preserve her art.

LC

[clara]

Dear Lemonchutney,

I wouldn't be suprised if your Grandmother has always been there as your guardian angel. I doubt she ever forgot you as you will never forget her.

As long as one's spirit is kept alive in someone's heart, they never fade away as memories can do, in time.

bless you

Renée

[lemonchutney]

Guardian angel...hmmm.
Maybe that explains why I didn't get hurt in that motorcycle accident I was in a few years ago! Hee hee.

Seriously, though, it's a lovely, warm thought.

LC

[bandfan]

I can't help but to echo the sentiments the others have already given to you. You are bringing joy to your grandma by remembering her! And I just know she is looking down on you with so much pride! Even though you never knew her, she most certainly knows you and everything about you. I just know she'd be so pleased that you want to keep her memory alive and pass along the stories about her to others.

Have a good day!! -Sheila-

[lemonchutney]

Sheila,

Thanks for chiming in with your support for my idea. Once I have the website up, I'll post the link on this forum.

Hugs,
LC

[bandfan]

LC,
Be sure that you do. She sounds like a great lady, and I'd be honored to read about her! -Sheila-

Wow, your situation was similar to mine, other than my grandmother did manage to convince my grandfather to adopt me. However, my bmother got pregnant again a few years later, and my grandfather was more insistent about not adopting that child. That did turn out to be good, because my grandmother too died from a heart attack at age 54. I was 12 and my little sister would have been 8. Two young girls for my grandfather to raise after that tragedy would have been very difficult. One was difficult enough.

If your grandmother was anything like mine, I'm sure she thought about you a lot, even though she didn't get to adopt you. I know mine always remembered my younger sister and was the one to inform me about her. I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience her love first hand, but I'm sure that she still experienced some joy just thinking about you.

[crayons]

I agree with everyone and just think about this, I bet every time she thought of you she had a smile on her face, thats alot of smiles : )sounds like you have one cool angel over your shoulder right now and for ever : )

[lemonchutney]

I was talking to my bmother today on the phone, and she was telling me again about the day her mother died. It was a hot summer day, and they were at the beach at Cape Cod. My grandmother said she wanted to go in the water and walked down toward the waves. A little later, my bmother looked toward the ocean and saw her mother sitting slumped with her feet and legs in the water. She ran to her side, and her mother said, "It's ok, it's only my sciatic hernia acting up." She got to her feet with my bmother's help and as they walked up the beach, she kept saying it's only my sciatic hernia. But at one point as they were walking she said "It's ok, we all have to go sometime." Then she lay down on the sand and people started to gather around. One man ran away to call for emergency help and to get my grandfather. Another man said "Here, cover her face with my cap so the sun doesn't get it her eyes." Then she said, "That's ok, I like the sun" and she died.

My bmother said that her Mother's death was a lot like placing us for adoption. During her pregnancy, she felt quite a bit of joy. She used to pretend she was going to keep us, and wouldn't think much about the impending relinquishment. She loved the feeling of us kicking and the pregnant feeling of being more than one person. Then all this joy quickly turned to pain after the birth when we weren't with her anymore. Same with her Mom. They were having a joyful summer at the Cape, and suddenly her Mom was gone.

Sorry to be posting such a sad message. I hope everyone is having a great weekend (and a wonderful life). We never know when it will be over, so I'm going to try to enjoy all my moments. Off to go hug my son...

Love, LC


PS: Trish I'm going to be writing you soon. I haven't forgotten. It's just a hard topic for me. I know...I brought it up. ;-)