[Montgomery]

Okay so this is my first post here. I am Canadian which may make some information different than in the US.
I created a website hoping to introduce both my husband and myself to a birthmother.
This past week we were contacted by a girl (young lady)in the province next to ours.
My instinct is telling me this is a possible scam. But in Canada because of new legislation passed, it is illegal to ask for any money. The birthmom has yet to ask for any money, but the warning flags are up.
First off, she is pregnant with twins. Secondly, she just broke up with her boyfriend. And thirdly, she does not at present time want any contact other than email.
My heart really wants to believe her, but I have to face the possiblity that this may not be on the up and up.
Does anyone have any possible advise on how I should be handling this situation?
She has not claimed that she wants us to be the adoptive parents and just wants to get to know us better, right now. From what she has said, she has no support system in place. She has talked with adoption agencies but was told she was being selfish considering adoption? I do know a few people who have had to go out of this province to place babies, so maybe this is the case?
Please advise me on how to handle this situation. I want to keep my husband and myself safe from any disappointment.

Thanks,
Jill

[Support2Adopt]

Wow Jill. I have never heard of an adoption agency telling a potential Birthmother she was being selfish is thinking about placing her baby for adoption. Did you ask her for the names of the agencies? (This way you could see if they even exist.) I would be very careful at this point. You might suggest that she contact your agency and let them take it from here, at least for the time being, until it can be varified if she is for real or not. JJ

[longgreengrass]

maybe the girl just wants to get to know you better thru emails. I see no harm in that. maybe she wants to get to know you better before she calls you.
I am going to be a birthmom and see where the girl is coming from. just contact thru emails at least in the begining i see no warning signs. not all birthmoms feel comfortable in calling a family from the get go.

[Tracy K.]

Hi Jill. This situation sounds similar to something we had around New Years. We had put information on the internet and we got a response from a young girl (16) who, through some simple searching on my part, I was able to determine was a real person. The flags for this one, though, were that she was saying that she just knew we were perfect for her (she hardly knew anything about us), was dismissive about her parent's reaction, etc. We corresponded with her for about two weeks, literally about every other day. We were anxious, too, but our SW gave some great advice...make the conversation about her, not the baby, and when the situation seemed right, direct her to our agency. Apparently, this was a way for this girl to amuse herself over the winter school break...because it turned out to be nothing. It wasn't too easy at the time, but it really did begin to become apparent that this wasn't real, so while we weren't thrilled at what happened, I just looked at it as practice.

Try out the questionnaire at www.adoptionrisks.org . It has a slew of questions that you check off responses to, then it generates a statistical sort of answer telling you the risk involved. I thought it was great, though, as a guide to what sorts of information you would need to know to proceed with some peace of mind.

Good Luck!

[longgreengrass]

if you do match online do not make calls until you know each other better from emails. make sure everything is in check.