[reneeof3]

As you go through your search, you will see how dramatically the cost of adoption varies. It really upsets me to the point I can't see straight, that agencies put a price on certain variables based on the birthmother and the skin color of the baby. For instance, if the birthmother wants a couple with no children, are christian, live in a particular part of the country, etc. then the agency (some) feel justified in "charging" for that. I just heard this from someone who thinks it would be fine to pay "extra" if an agency had a birthmother that had these prerequisites. Especially if it narrowed the birthmother search to meet the needs of that particular potential adoptive couple!

I know this goes on, but how do you charge for a Christian family? How do you charge for a childless couple? How do you charge if they lived in the Mid-West?

This reminds me of buying a car and selecting upgrades and paying the price. This sickens me. Adoption laws have GOT to be changed where an agency can't randomly mark up a particular situation. Now I realize birthmother's have expenses, but there should still be a cap on that for the adoptive family to pay.

How many of you would be willing to pay $20K for an adoption without legal fees? Take a look at Nurtureadopt.org and see all the agencies that list their situations and the variations in cost. Now with the exception of AA babies, most others will exceed $15K.

[twyla]

Hi, Reneeof3!

Nothing is truly free in this world except God's gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. Babies cost money to birth and raise, and someone has to foot the bill.

Yes, there seem to be many unethical and just plain wrong practices in the adoption world. But they will continue to exist as long as there are people who will participate in placing and receiving their babies through the agencies who behave as though babies are a supply and demand commodity.

I will be honest and state that we might have been tempted as well if we were rich, because when we first started this journey we were not educated about adoption and how wrong these practices are. But God chose not to give us wealth that would allow us that choice, and I for one am very thankful for His leading. Because of it, we found an agency that sees each and every mother and baby as the valuable, unique creation they are and no dollar worth is placed upon any of the babies and children that are placed with adoptive parents. And they provide the needed education to their prospective adoptive parents about what the birth mother goes though in deciding to place her little one. Yes, we do pay fees to the agency, but they are based upon our income, not the mother's expenses. Since they assist any pregnant woman who comes to them, even if she wants to parent her baby, our fees go to help all their clients. The rest of the expenses are subsidized by donations from various sources and fund-raising drives.

In my never-to-be-humble opinion, this is the best way to provide the financial assistance some expectant mothers need without creating an obligatory feeling towards the adoptive parents that she owes them anything or that she has to place at all if she changes her mind, (as she has every right to do). It also relieves the adoptive parents from feeling as though they have been taken advantage of in any way.

To any and all of you reading this that are appalled at the practices of certain agencies, I say.... Boycott them! You may not run them out of business, but you will at least not have added to their coffers by paying them an unethical profit for someone else's difficult decision to provide you with a precious child.

[jenna202]

No offense, but can we confine the religious discussions to the forums for specific religions? I believe that's why they are there, I think such comments are inappropriate elsewhere. Thanks.

[A_mothers_love]

I find it absolutely ridiculous that anyone has to pay ANY sort of money to be a parent, It sickens me that if you say wanted a blue eye blonde haired baby, he would be more money than if you wanted a bi-ratial eight year old. Adoption is a money making industry. Anyway just my two cents
Hugs
Melissa

I find it absolutely ridiculous that anyone has to pay ANY sort of money to be a parent,

If it were there would be no infertility and no unwanted pregnancies. The reality is that these agencies have expenses, birth mothers have expenses and we, the childless have to do certain things to fulfill our dreams of parenthood.

All babies, be they blonde or brown or healthy or otherwise should be wanted and loved and cherished.

[TNCOUPLE]

I agree ive called around through agencys here where I live in Tennessee and they ask questions just like this

1.Do you have kids?
2.Do you OWN your home?
3.Are you married?(this one I can understand)
4.How long have you been married?(this one I can understand)
5.What TOWN do you live in?
6.How long have you and your spouse been at your job?(I can some what understand this one)
7.Are you going to church?If So how long have you been attending the church?
8.Age of child you would like?(I can understand this one as well)


Theres plenty MORE STUPID questions and Then there is MORE QUESTIONS I can understand WHY they would ask them... See what I did is gave THE TRUTH the first time and then after I got through I asked the lady WHY all the questions that didnt matter and she said"BECAUSE THE PRICE IS DIFFERENT"

SO I called back NEXT day and talked to same person and answered the questions WRONG and I will tell you the prices I got.


The FIRST time I got "Qouted" (before legal fees) 30K
The SECOND time I got 20K
and
The THIRD time I got 15K


"NOW COME ON PEOPLE (AGENCYS) I HAVE ALL THE RESPECT FOR BIRTH MOTHERS AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS THE THING CALLED COST BUT REALLY IVE HAD 3 SISTERS HAVE KIDS I HAVE 4 WONDERFUL NEICES AND 4 NEPHEWS AND I KNOW IT DOTN COST 30 R EVEN 20K TO HAVE A BABY AND DO THE LIVIN ARAGEMENTS AND I AGREE WITH RENEE 100% IF WE ALL BROKE THE COST DOWN I DONT EVEN THINK IT WOULD COST 15K AND THATS INCLUDING LEAGAL FEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I DONT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE HERE ABOUT THIS BUT THE WAY I LOOK AT IT IS I WOULD PEFER A BABY/CHILD IN A LOVING HOME INSTEAD OF LIVING IN STATE CUSTODY ARE EVEN JUMPING FROM HOME TO HOME................THATS WHY THERE IS SO MANY OLDER KIDS THAT DONT HAVE HOMES BECAUSE OF THE COST EVERYONE RUNS FROM IT IM NOT RICH BUT IM BUYING MY OWN HOUSE AND BEEN AT JOB FOR 2 YRS I DONT HAVE 2 WORK I WORK BECAUSE I WANT TO MY CHECKS ARE PRETTY MUCH FOR US TO SAVE AND HAVE FOR WHEN WE DO HAVE KIDS WEATHER IT WOULD BE ADOPTION ARE HAVING IT...... I LOVE KIDS ALL THE SAME DONT MATTER WHERE THEY CAME FROM ARE THE COLOR A CHILDS A CHILD... A CHILD DIDNT ASK TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD AND THERE GETTING PUSHED HERE AND IT JUST UPSETS ME ALOT. THEY NEED TO LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS BIRTHMOMS ARE GIVING THERE LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY UP FOR A BETTER HOME AND THAT I RESPECT 100%



AND AGAIN IM SORRY IF I OFFENED ANYONE IN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND IM SORRY IF I DID

[twyla]

Jenna202 - I'm sorry you feel that way. This is not the first time you have chastised me for my Christian viewpoint and I guess the best way for you to not see my "religious comments" is to put me on your 'ignore' list . I don't mind a bit, my feelings are not hurt, but you need to know that I will not be stiffled into walking on eggs on the forum I moderate, nor will I ever fail to give my Heavenly Father the praise and glory I feel I owe Him. I don't consider a mention of Him and what He did for me inappropriate at all. I am not sure why it upsets you so to see opinion colored from a Christian perspective, it is a big part of who I am and I can not separate that from how I feel about life issues. Therefore, click on the 'profile' button at the bottom of this post, you will find a button on my profile that will enable you to 'ignore' my posts. You will see that I have posted, but you will not have to read the post, as the post content will not appear on your browser. This is not written in anger, only concern for your feelings as I do not want to upset you, but I will not confine my posts to your specifications.

Pixiefix - thank you for the support. I don't know if you and I agree on any issues of substance, but I'd be willing to bet that we could have a discussion on those issues and still remain friends. (Provided we were friends to start with )

There is no reason whatsoever for anyone to be offended at someone else's postings unless it was aimed directly at them personally. And I never sling arrows at anyone!

[jenna202]

Twyla,

I am not at all chastising you for your Christian viewpoint, nor have I done so in the past. I 100% support your freedom to worship as you will, and believe as you will. Additionally, it is natural for those who are religious to have their opinions and viewpoints 'colored by' their religion. My viewpoints are also influenced by my religious beliefs. I had no problem whatsoever with the majority of your post as posted in this particular forum.

What I am saying is that there is a forum on this site specifically for religious comments, and I'm not sure why the topic needs to be explored elsewhere. Many of your comments are excellent sources of information, but I will go ahead and put you on my ignore list so that I do not have to read your comments regarding religion, which suggest that being a christian is the only path to 'salvation'.

[PHaley]

I wanted to say two things:
1) I agree everyone and anyone has the right to state their opinion on the basis of their beliefs, they are not asking you to agree or accept their belief system or higher power as your own, so you should be able to be a grown up and filter only what part of it pertains to you and respect their beliefs though different as valid. I hope your child will not grow up in a narrow minded environment and I pray he/she will recieve love form all people regardless of faith.

2) I agree ALSO that the prices to adopt are outrageous and 1/2 the time unwarranted. but believe we have to stand for what is right and look at our personal priorities and what we are willing to do (and/or are able to do) to reach our goal. I knowing that my profile as a hopeful adoptive parent is not the norm, would probably be willing to the extent I am able and feel that it is moral to spend a little more however I am not able to spend very much and probably less than what many people consider their minimum so I will just be WAITING for my angel.

I dont want anyone to be discouraged though their are many places that work on sliding scales based on income of aparents and as I am a single AA female looking for AA/BR children I sadly know they (the fees in relation to adopting them) are MUCH less.

Keep the faith and know that your child, the special one meant to be with your family is coming and will have perfect timing.