[GailHB]

any mention of my husband's military service? In light of current world events, I'm wondering if we should change a part of our DBML. We wrote it last July and in the section that describes my husband I said, "He has also taught me about patriotism and was called upon by the U.S. Navy after the 9-11 attacks. " Could that lead a birthmother to think we're pro-war? I'd hate for a potential match to be lost because someone passes us over, because of the anti-war sentiments that are prevalent (and understandable) nowadays.

My husband has been in the US Navy Reserves for 19 years. Three weeks after 9-11 he was recalled to provide security on a Naval Base in California. He is in no danger of ever being called up again and will be retiring this summer. Protecting and serving our country and the citizens who call it home is really important to him, and obviously 20 years with the Navy is a big part of who he is. I don't want to change that part of our letter unless leaving that sentence in would reduce our chances of being matched.

What do you think?

GailHB
Waiting for domestic adoption match, 7.5 months

[LilOne]

Gail,

I don't think it matters much, but if your concerned, I would also add that he is a reservist (sp?) if i were reviewing profiles again, my main concern wouldn't be "oh they're pro war" it would be " is he active, does this mean he could get called up and not see the baby, and so on and so forth.

Just my thoughts, hope others come along and give you more so you can get a range of ideas on the subject!

Good luck and I hope your wait ends quickly


Lisa

[numbr1dbcksfan]

If a birthmom doesnt believe in your husbands career to the point that it would affect whether she chooses you or not, then it is better to know sooner than later. The most important thing is that you and the birthmom(or birthparents) are a good match for the sake of the child. If that means that someone passes by your profile, then you should know that it was enough of a conflict of interest to cause problems. And therefore, it was not meant to be with that person. Both side deserve to know honest details when choosing parents...and also when accepting parental responsibility. I do agree that perhaps you could edit it by saying exactly what you posted...that he was called to duty and is not in danger of being recalled and is retiring....but this is just info about you...it shouldn't be a technique to keep bmoms from not choosing you......but information offered to show the bmom who you guys are!!!!
Good Luck!

[Nelson]

this is all terrific advice.

[GailHB]

I appreciate the good advice! We have chosen to omit the sentence from our letter. I was initially concerned that it would give a false impression that we're "pro-war", but as was pointed out here, it's more a matter of not wanting to cause undue concern about whether my husband might be sent out again. Since there is NO chance he will be recalled again, we don't want a birthmother to feel anxious about whether we might become a single parent family due to military conflict.

Of course my husband's military service and patriotism will be something we'd openly (and proudly) share with any potential birthmoms in person. We're not trying to hide anything. Honesty is of utmost importance in a relationship so infused with trust.

Thanks again,
Gail

[Tracy K.]

If you ever feel comfortable with putting the sentence back in, you could then take a moment and explain what it means to you. When I first read it, I wanted to know more about what you learned about patriotism, what it meant to you to know that your DH was serving in the aftermath of 9/11. September 11 was a turning point in our nation's history; I'd be curious to know how it was a turning point for you. And I understand that you feel fine about explaining it all in person, but one thing I've taken away from all this DBML stuff is that you'll connect with the anectdotes and stories. Just MHO.