[Tracy K.]

Beyond staying busy with your "real" life, what have some of you done to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of waiting for the right match? This is as wacky as the infertility rollercoaster was...you get a message from a birthparent, it's not a "real" thing. You exchange some messages with another, then they disappear. You hear about a real possibility then go nuts hoping they'll contact you. How do you deal with bouncing between trying to protect your heart by not going head over heels every time someone contacts you, and then going head over heels?

We're happy with our networking and we're working with a fine agency...but our networking has had "nibbles" and the agency hasn't had anything so far.

So? What say you!

[sherryk]

You are so right when you call the wait an emotional rollercoaster ride! That it is! Besides the "normal" things of life, how to deal with the wait depends alot on your personality and what you enjoy doing. I made a "while you wait" package for my sister-in-law who is going through infertility treatments right now (they are starting to consider adoption)...it included a small journal, lavender candle with bathsalts, chamomile tea and a poem with heart pin to wear on the days she needs to remember that I love her and want to support her and my brother. She enjoyed it tons!

There is no way to describe the wait of adoption no matter how long. Our wait for our precious daughter was nine months from beginning of the home study until she entered our home from foster care. The hard part is not knowing how long that wait will be. Do you enjoy reading? I would search the internet on adoption related websites reading article after article to understand as many aspects of it as I could.

I think this forum is wonderful! Here you have a community of friends and supporters, those who know what you are going through.

Everyone deals with things differently. The "yes" and "no's" of this process are enough to drive one crazy. When I would feel my emotions getting away from me, I would call my best friend in the whole world to share my tears and get the phone "hugs" I needed.

I don't think we can really control when we "give our hearts." For example, the day we were to meet our daughter, I told my husband to hold her first, so if she cried she would get it all out while he was holding her. (I was trying to protect my heart) But the second I laid eyes on my beautiful little girl, I couldn't get to her fast enough! I wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time.

Thank you for sharing with us Tracy!

Blessings to you,
sherryk
waiting to adopt moderator
http://www.handinhandfoundation.com

[faith_amom]

The waiting just about killed me. (4-1/2 years total from ttc to adoption; 17 months from completed home study to match w/Bmom.) My strategy was: Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, do something nice for somebody else. I mentored several children, I got involved in my church's children's programs, and I helped raised money for various charities. This didn't make the wait any shorter, but it helped me to take the focus off of my pain, at least for a while.

The really neat part of this strategy is that I can now look back over my "dark years" and see that I didn't just "waste" them locked up in my bedroom crying. I was able to touch the lives of various people who needed what I had to offer. And now that I am the full-time mommy of a two-year-old, I don't have much time for charity work. It's nice to know that I made a diffference while I had the chance. Now, the difference I am making is in the life of the most wonderful child who ever walked the face of the earth!!

Good luck w/the adoption and the waiting roller coaster.

- Faith

[denise marie]

wow do i know about the wait!!! i adopted internationally and it took 9 months.VERY LONG TIME.I kept busy as i have 3 other children in the home.I also made my daughter a quilt which took up alot of my spair time.Now im waiting again to bring home my 3 year old baby son.I am hoping with 4 kids in the house we can keep busy and the months will fly bye.Hang in there it will happen.GOD BLESS!!
Denise

My strategy was: Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, do something nice for somebody else. I mentored several children, I got involved in my church's children's programs, and I helped raised money for various charities. This didn't make the wait any shorter, but it helped me to take the focus off of my pain, at least for a while.

What a great idea! We're hoping to adopt an older child (toddler - early elementary) I've spent a lot of time reading, readying the house and deciding on ways to help others.

I've started collecting items that local foster homes need. Toys, videos, towels, blankets. I've enlisted the help of a couple of church going friends and asked that they pass the wish lists of these facilities on to their congregation. This way I stay busy and I know that it helps the older children who are still in the system.

The more we educate those in the community about all of the children who are waiting for a home, the more people know, the more children benefit.

Best of luck to all of you!

[daisey1]

Hi I was just wondering what kind of networking you are doing? My husband & I just got certified and just want to get ideas from other folks who are in the same process.

I hate just waiting around. I feel like I should be doing something other than my normal daily routine.

I agree with you this is almost as bad as the infertility issues.

[hope21]

Hello,

I am dealling with "the wait" right now as well. My suggestion is to start putting together the nursery. That has been a lot of fun for hubby and I. I also suggest taking some local community classes, whether it be painting, cooking, aerobic. See whats out there in your community. I've also picked a new hobby- putting together a wooden dollhouse. Its something to do in my spare time and really has nothing to do with babies. (As it wouldn't really be a toy for young children.) Find a new hobby yourself, or pick up one you had before. Of course, in the downtimes when I can't stop thinking about it- I come here and read the forums. I have also been reading several adoption books and babycare/parenting books. I know the wait is hard. I don't think it is easy for anyone, but just keep busy!

Good luck,

Hope 21

lanceandanna@hotmail.com

[sherryk]

Hello everyone!

It is wonderful to read the great ideas you are offering to help others with the wait! I think everyone deals with the wait in different ways and it is neat to see everyone's personality shining through!

I love to see the support and encouragement this forum provides! I sure wish I had "hooked up" with everyone sooner while we were waiting for our daughter! Support groups are a necessity! Are you all involved in one? Let us know all about it!

Blessings to you,
sherryk
waiting to adopt moderator

http://www.handinhandfoundation.com

[ddbruglio]

Hi I just read your post about what to do while waiting.

My wait was 20months. Seems like forever. I started a journal worte down all my feeling fears, needs, wants,ect. What ever I was feeling at that time. As you know day to day and sometimes moment to moment your feelings change. It reall helped me.

Now I will save this and one day give it to my daughter and she will be able to see how much she was wanted and loved befor she was even born.

Good Luck

[dangerlucy]

My husband and I just made the decision to start the paperwork process and application later this year. We haven't even started the actual process, but I'm already going crazy! I've been thinking about motherhood for years, and now that it will become a reality, I don't know how I'll be able to get through!

I know I need to find someone to talk to about it. Unfortunately, my family and friends are so wrapped up in their own lives, I don't feel like there's anyone there to just sit and listen.

Yesterday, being Mother's Day, I decided to start a journal too and whenever I feel overwhelmed, I would write in it to my future daughter about the emotions I'm going through to get her in my arms. We're adopting from China and I know I'm getting a girl, and even though she probably hasn't even been born or even conceived, I feel like I know her already.

(I also plan on secretly buying things I see on sale, like toys and clothes! Something to keep me excited about it without feeling like it's so far away!)

Summer 2005 isn't that far away, is it??????

[sherryk]

Congratulations on starting the adoption process!

Keeping a journal is a great idea while you wait! Some adoptive moms write to their adopted child so that they can give them the book. Others write so they can write down their feelings during the long process.

Posting on these forums is also great because you know you are not alone! Friendships are formed because of the common bond of adoption.

Adoption support groups are also helpful to share your experiences with others who are going through the same thing. (We meet monthly - I look forward to it every time!)

Dreaming about your child keeps the hope alive. The wait is hard but one day she will be home!

As I write this, my daughter is tying knots from the strings in my hooded sweatshirt! Makes it hard to type, but I love it just the same!

Warm regards,
sherryk
moderator

[lucybee]

Hi Ladies-

Yes, the waiting is the absolute worst part. We are only working with one agency and we've been in the "process" since Oct 02--had a match in Feb 03 and it fell through in April 03.....so we are back and waiting to be matched again. Since the failed placement..I have felt rather helpless...dealing with the hurt from the failed placement took some time and now Im just trying to focus and get through each day without thinking about how long the wait mightbe this time. I have been toying with the idea of getting a web site created to maximize our chances..but dont know if we can afford the monthly fee to do this.

I work full time and every weekend we have my Dh's childern over and I have a great relationship with them..ages 11 and 15. Takes up my time...I think the hardest part is knowing that no matter what we do to occupy our time and keep us busy..we are always thinking about it..wondering when the phone is going to ring.

It is tough! But we are all in this together...

[Rainbow mom]

Great time to nest and do all of the household job's you've been putting off. Clean out the garage and closets. Plant some perreinal plants in your garden. Take that romantic trip and enjoy each other. Do the things that will take time from your kids so that when they arrive you can devote much time to them.

Your life is a family is about to begin. You will not understand how much time children take up until you have one or two or four like me.

Best wishes,

Rainbow mom

[shanzelka]

We had our inspection earlier this week and our caseworker promises we'll be licensed by the end of the week--we started this adventure back in March. It seems like we've already been waiting for such a long time, but the real waiting has just started!