[momtosljns]

HI everyone I have a question.My DH and I were going through a privet adoption but it fell through. We are now tring to look through the state's listings. My question is, is there any state that is better then other as far as getting back to you? I also would like to ask How do you keep from feeling like you are hitting a brick wall? My husband and I are looking for a boy or two boys to adopt. We are putting the max. age as 9 and anything under is fine. We have inquired about four sibiling groups and two are already placed , one is one hold , too soon to accept homestudies and one we have not heard back about. I would appreciate any help we could get as we are feeling drained.

Thanks so much Susie

[faith_amom]

The adoption journey is all about endurance and patience. The wait is soooo hard, but the end is worth it. Patience is a good trait to develop, anyhow, because you are going to need it in spades once you become a parent. You'll be surprised at how IMpatient other parents seems to be, when the truth is that you are just a more patient person because you learned patience the hard way. Bottom line -- The waiting stinks, but it ultimately makes you a better parent.

As for practical ideas to survive the wait -- do something nice for someone else. Mentor or tutor a kid. Raise money for your favorite charity. Get involved in your church. Do something that forces you to focus on somebody else. If you are focusing on them, then you take the focus off of your pain (at least for a while). Then, once you become a Mommy, you can look back at the difference you made in the world and know that you didn't "waste" this time in a funk.

Good luck w/your adoption!!

- Faith

[Care73]

In Canada we have a website called Canadas waiting children.I am sure that theres something like that where you live.I dont think that waiting makes you a better parent if its hurting you in the process.Good parenting is way to personal to progect on anyone else.Yeah the waiting can be hard but thats not a parenting issue.

[Linny]

We have adopted through an agency, through the state system, and most recently, through an attorney/agency.

We adopted three children through the state and my suggestion is to 'push and persevere' to the max! I'm not talking about being 'rude'.....but to not expect any caseworker to get back to you. Continue to call, continue to 'nicely bug' and keep doing your homework concerning 'what the child 'really is'.....what children are available, etc. Network through other branches within your state, tell other foster parents that you are wanting 'such anc such an age, gender, etc.'. You'd be surprised how this stuff gets around!

Good luck. Yes, the waiting is awful and so many others seem to 'hold the cards'. Most importantly, "do your homework about conditions of older children". There is much to learn and much to question when bringing in a child who has been subjected to the system. But, doing this successfully will help everyone in the long run.


Sincerely,

Linny