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#1
10-26-2002, 11:30 PM
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What is going on? HELP!!!! UPDATED!!! GOOD NEWS
UPDATED NEWS ABOUT BABYINWAITING
Dear Waiting to Adopt, I am a birthmother who is searching for a family to adopt. I am in an abusive relationship and I want out before something happens to me and the baby. I am under 12 weeks pregnant and as a result of this relationship I am not eating properly and neither are my 3 young children and I also am not receiving proper medical care.  I have heard from attorneys (making big bucks off my predicament) that I am not entitled to help from any of you until I am 7-8 months pregnant. (IF WE LIVE THAT LONG) I also was directed to Gladney which is a place where me and my children can go and live almost immediately. (That's nice) But I have also been told that adoptive parents pay 10's of thousands of dollars to work with that agency. Now tell me something. Some genius created this place and is making tons of money off who ...... me and my predicament !!! How is it that attorneys and agencies and the like can profit from this ordeal only I will endure and I cannot even ask for someone to rent me a house and furniture and line my cabinets with food ????? I didn't ask for a nice little red ferrari. I have also read many boards where people warn other people not to give us lowly birthmothers money. What is up with that? Aren't we all children of Christ? I know there are plenty of bad people out there and we take chances with them everyday. In the meantime genuine people get judged for other people's actions. I suggest if someone asks for your help... check out there situation. If they have nothing to hide they will allow you to do just that. Come see where I live.... I have no furniture. Come check out my refrigerator.... I have little food. Come look at my previous adoption papers.... I have them. Talk to my attorney... he's in the book. Look at my kids' birth certificates.... I have 3. Call my sister... she's scared for me too. Call the apartment complex.... they will tell you I am getting ready to be evicted. Come to the emergency room as I have fallen..... see the baby for yourself. Of course you don't give money to someone you never even seen. I have placed two children for adoption. I didn't need the same kind of help that I do now. My last adoption was at first manipulated by an agency that encouraged the family I chose to have more than one birthmother if possible. Someone else had there baby first and I was left with a month and a half to find a family for my baby. Not to mention I relocated as requested by this couple.... 1200 miles away from home with two small children. I'm not going to hold that against you.?? My thoughts are this...... GOD gave us rules but society has complicated them. Thou shall not lie..... then you wind up in a man made court room and the man made judge asks you if you gave any of YOUR monies to this man made birthmother whose heart is wrenched with sadness. Do you have to say YES....... I think not. I didn't ask for this.. not really and you didn't ask to have to go this route. How is it you deserve help and I don't? Why is everything about money and not about caring for our brothers and sisters I am sorry if I seem angry but I am exhausted with worry and I am not getting anywhere in my search. Believe it or not I am really great person. Give me some advice...tell me what I should do... give me some reminder that a birthmother in trouble is not first thought to be a predator. Signed, VERY TROUBLED  *************GOOD NEWS*********************** This is BABYINWAITING..... I have good news for all of you who have read this post. Well this past month things have began to look up for me and my family. I have to say that it was not with the help of any social agency or organization. I was given a run around that would make your heads spin...... Nonetheless, I made it out of the situation I was in. My and my children are safe and far away from my abuser. I had a thorough checkup of me and the baby and as of today I am 17 weeks along.... the baby is healthy and growing as it should. We still have not been able to sex the baby but that will come. My kids are enrolled in a good school and we are all getting along ok. Things are stable for the time being and I am looking for work.... It seems harder than usual but I am guessing that has something to do with being pregnant. I know most of you just wanted to help and I appreciate that but simply calling HUD or welfare or crisis pregnancy centers doesn't mean in this day and age that all will be taken care of. FAR FROM IT!! I just thought that you all would like to hear something positive from me and you got it. I have begun searching for a family again and hope that I will find one soon. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU AND YOUR ENDEAVORS RelaxedBabyInWaiting  Last edited by BabyInWaiting : 12-15-2002 at 09:21 PM. 
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Adoption Information
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#2
10-27-2002, 01:30 PM
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Your situation seems to be quite critical at the moment. Is it possible to have the person who is abusing you removed from the home? That would be the first step, especially with you being pregnant and having children in the house.
There are other maternity homes that may be able to help you with your situation other than Gladney. I don't know what state you are in, but you can contact a crisis pregnancy agency and they may have other options. The agency we are currently working with has a maternity home, but I don't know if families are able to be accomodated. As far as the money issue goes, it doesn't have anything to do with people not wanting to help, especially if they are the family that you have chosen for your child. The courts make it very clear what can be done with money and when it can be done. Unfortunately, there have been too many instances that have led us to the position we are all in with the way the adoption laws are written. If you would let me know what state you are in, I would be happy to help you search for somewhere safe. You will be in our prayers. Brandi
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#3
10-27-2002, 07:10 PM
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reply
I am going to assume that you are in Texas if you are referring to Gladney. Gladney, in my opinion, does not have the best reputation. We worked with Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services. They are a Baptist orginization,but you don't have to be Baptist, we are not. They are wonderful and truely want to help birthmoms and adoptvie families. Their web address is
www.buckner.org I pray you find the help that you need.
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#4
10-27-2002, 09:16 PM
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I am not sure how you health and human services works, but in our state, they will get you an apartment, food stamps, medica l care and so on. If I were you I would go to them and ask for help NOW. In most situations like yours, the man can become very furious if he is evected or if you leave and he finds you. Even if you did finally get away will he sign the adoption papers? or is that going to be a way for him to keep you at his beck and call?
I have a friend who was in your situation and she was stalked, she couldn't do anything without him being right there. Maybe you should try and get out of your state for yours and your children's safety. There are also low income housings available, again I don't know about your state, but in the area I live in the apartments are nice and they go by your income, yes I know you don't work, but if you get help from health and human services they will pay the rent, and all utilities are all included. You can do an independent adoption and the terms are worked out with you the adoptive family and an attorney. If you live in the same state as the adoptive family maybe they can put you and your children up. First and far most you need to get yourself and your kids into a safer location. There is help. If you would like to email me feel free. Contact Health and Human Services. Take care
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#5
10-27-2002, 09:27 PM
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Judge and you'll be judged
Dear Readers of my post,
I appreciate the concern of some of you. I know how hard it is to put on someone else's shoes and feel what they feel and experience what they experience. I am totally aware that at 31 I continue to make mistakes. One of those may be a strong belief about birth control which continues to complicate my life. I also strongly believe that my adoptions were meant to be. Just as I believe the this baby was meant for someone else. I deeply love all of my children or I would simply abort and be done with it. Instead I choose life. Why would you say something like "it is unfair" For because of my gluttony or ignorance, or whatever dirty word you choose to attach, two families (soon to be 3) have experienced parenthood. You have a vehicle with which to achieve parenthood... maybe two or three. You have to be patient and let God work it out. As I am trying to be patient for God to open my door too. It is just saddening how self-centered we all have become. My second adoptive mother once said to me " I feel so guilty taking something of yours for myself when I could simply help you keep your baby." I love her deeply for saying that. My son 10 years old..... 92lbs. My daughter 6 years old .... 60lbs. My baby 17 months.....25lbs. Me 31 and 190 lbs. We are not starving. Why do we assume we know what kind of people typed these messages without asking questions? Why do we have to be condescending when if you had lived my life you may have made the same mistakes? Come on people...... stop judging and get involved. NOT WITH ME. With anyone. Stop giving money to charities who have thousands of people to pay. Go to your community centers in your lower income areas. Teach people how to set boundaries with their boyfriends. Teach them how to treat other people. Don't sit around and think it's not your job. Don't leave it to welfare because you pay taxes. I have been to shelters for abused women and these women including me don't believe in their hearts that they deserve better. Some think abuse is a sign of love. Why do they think these kinds of things.......maybe you should try asking!!!! BabyInWaiting
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#6
10-28-2002, 06:16 AM
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Babyin waiting
You ask why we judge, you ask why we don't walk in your footsteps, well there are many reasons why most of us that are not birth parents are on this site. You say we should teach you how to do all those things, but to us, we don't necessarily understand how you can continue to put yourself in that same situation if it is something that you don't want to be in. You can obviously think enough to come on this board and to read and write messages, so stop and think about the situations that you continue to put yourself in. You come on here and expect simpathy, well why wouldn't you go to a counselor instead to get some help so that you can make your life better. As far as birth control and having views against it, well that is your choice, but it is hard for people to feel sorry for someone who has 3 children that she is parenting, and 2 soon to be 3 that they have given up for adoption. There are things you can do for yourself. I have been there to help a friend of mine more than once because she puts herself in situations similar to yours, but how can I continue to help her out and make life better when she just goes back to the same situations? It gets hard. You say walk in your shoes, try walking in ours. It is unfair that people who have children, don't want other children and can not afford to have other children continue to get pregnant and have children. That they live in homes that are not suitable for children to be raised in and don't have everything they need in these homes, When there are people out here that have a desire to have a child, that they have the money and the love and the home etc to give to the child but they are unable to get pregnant. Have you ever tried walking a mile in our shoes? Have you ever thought that maybe just because our spouses do not abuse and we always have food on our table that we don't have the rose colored lives that you think we should? We don't all have perfect lives, we all have a want and a desire for the one thing that you have, but don't want. That makes us sad. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself, take the advice that some of the others have given, find a way out and stay out. Stop going back to the same type of people. Let your county make thinks better for you, they will send you to school, they will help you feed your children, cloth your children and put a roof over your childrens heads. Take some help, suck in the pride or whatever keeps you from that and take care of your kids. When you do that, then the people that are having fertility problems will have a better understanding or be more likely to help you out and feel sorry for you.
__________________
Jessica www.organicmommy.com
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#7
10-28-2002, 08:08 AM
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First thing you need to do, is get away from the boyfriend. I don't care if he says he'll change, he loves you, he wants you to stay. He won't change, he doesn't love you, he only wants you to stay so he can control you.
If you leave him, ask for help, possibly utilize social assistance temporarily, will you and your children be better off, even if you keep this new baby? You're darn right you will be... you'll be alive, and that's so much better than just existing. They can even help you go back to school if you want. How can you show your 10 year old son that hitting and hurting women is wrong? How can you show your 6 year old daughter that getting hit is wrong? These children are watching this happen to you, and they have no idea how wrong it is. They will grow up thinking that this is how families are *supposed* to act. What would you do if your son turned into an abuser? Would you stand by and watch? What would you do if your daughter grows up and comes home to tell you her boyfriend is hitting her, but she won't leave?? You will not stand back and watch that happen - it goes against every natural instinct mothers have. You will fight tooth and nail for your children. I know, I have my own children. The sad thing here is, if you continue in this abusive relationship, you will not be there to help and guide your children. This *boyfriend* will eventually wear you down until you are just a shell of a person, incapable of doing anything to help your family, or he will simply kill you. Do you want this man raising your children?? Do you want your children raised in foster care? If you allow this man to control your lives, and someone finds out what he is doing, DCFS can take your children away from YOU if you don't leave him. I know you came on this board for assistance with your impending birth and possible adoption, but I don't think that is your main problem. I believe that getting you away from this man you seem to *love* is more important right now. Had you been in Canada, I would have done my best to help you. I don't think that I am of much help to you in the US. But if you want to email me for an impartial friend, you are more than welcome to do that. I don't agree with people coming onto this site soliciting for children. I feel for those who cannot have their own biologically (I am an adoptee), but this is not the place to find a child. This is also not the place to find adoptive parents. There are many sites that you can check out to find adoptive parents, without going through DCFS or a private agency on your own. There's www.parentprofiles.com. If you were in Canada, or if it's possible to place american children in Canada, there's www.canadaadopts.com. Both of these sites have pre-approved adoptive parents' profiles online for you to look at. Good luck. Please let me know how you make out. This will be on my mind for a long time to come. Remember, you can email me whenever you want, even if it's just for emotional support.
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#8
10-30-2002, 03:52 PM
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Dear Baby in Waiting and others posting here!
Dear Baby in Waiting,
It looks like you did get many helpful and encouraging ideas from people to help you in your situation. I agree with calling a Pregnancy Resource Center or Crisis Pregnancy Center to help you get the medical attention you need as well as helping you get settled in an apartment or shelter away from your abusive boyfriend. You can look up Adoption in your local phone book and see these ads. You need to find the BEST answer for you and your children so that you can take care of them the best you can. It is OK and even important to get help...we all need help in some way at some time in our lives! I encourage you to pick up your phone and call for help. It is OK! I have a different view on things since I have biological children as well as an adopted child. I cannot say I know what you are going through, but I want to encourage and support you through this difficult time. If you are interested in having an e-pal that is a birthmother, or need other type of information, you can check out our e-pal forum under Adoption Community or go straight to our birthmother forum. You are definitely welcome here too!  Take care of yourself! I will say a prayer for you and your children! sherryk Waiting to Adopt Moderator http://www.handinhandfoundation.com Some things to remember when posting... Be kind and considerate. We are here to support and encourage. Be respectful. We all have different perspectives. Be helpful. Let's share what we know so that others can get the resources they need. *Thanks
__________________
sherry
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#9
02-23-2005, 12:01 PM
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