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Originally Posted By Wannabea Mom in Michigan

I'm wondering if my husband & I would qualify as adoptive parents. My main concerns are our age & health. I'm in my mid-thirties, but my husband is in his early 40's and had a heart attack a few years ago. We are both Type 2 Diabetics. I also have a history of depression and have taken Prozac to control my depression, for many years now. Would these things disqualify us from adopting? My husband and I are both caucasian, and have been happily married for over 5 years. We have been unable to have children of our own. We are a mixed-faith couple, one of us is Jewish and the other is Catholic. Neither of us have ever been in any kind of trouble with the law. Our finances are pretty stable, but we're not rich.

Under these circumstances, what are our chances of being approved for adoption? What sort of adoption (say, independent, international, etc.) would give us the best chance of becoming parents? Realistically, about how much money do these alternative forms of adoption require, and will adoption agencies let couples mortgage everything to the hilt to raise the money?

Any advice will be appreciated; thanks very much in advance.

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Originally Posted By Sharon

I am single and 53. When I was "only" 51, I brought home my wonderful daughter from China. She was 18.5 months old then and is now about six weeks away from turning four. She is healthy and a totally delightful child.

So your age is not necessarily a barrier. You will find it hard to adopt domestically, unless you are open to older or special needs children -- although, even here, there are some exceptions; I once met a 47-year old who identified a birthmother on her own and worked through a lawyer to do a private adoption of a Caucasian American newborn. However, it is usually easier for older people to adopt internationally, particularly if you go with countries that are openly receptive to older parents, such as China.

As to the history of depression, I had seen a psychiatrist and taken medication for that illness before I adopted; however, I had never attempted suicide or been in the hospital. Nowadays, most adoption agencies seem to be receptive to people who have seen a psychiatrist or taken medicine for mild depression; they know that recognizing and dealing with problems is healthy. They are more concerned about candidates who have a history of suicide attempts or inpatient care, especially if these events were fairly recent; such people may be denied. And people with more complex psychiatric illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, are likely to face rejection.

As to the diabetes, a lot depends on what your doctor says about you in your medical report. Agencies want to know that parents are likely to live to see their child grow up, and that they will be able to function well as parents. If your doctor feels that your illness is well-controlled, you probably have a good chance of being approved by some agencies. I have personally met an adoptive couple where the husband is legally blind. I have personally met an adoptive couple where the wife had bilateral hip replacements and walks with a crutch. And I have heard of adoptive families where one of the parents has been treated, successfully, for cancer.