[JBAinNC]

I am brand new to the forum and fresh into my decision to move forward with adoption. I have been debating about moving forward with adoption or IVF and given my recent prognosis, I have concluded that adoption is what I want.

I have tried to research adoption (of African-American or domestic biracial infants) in North Carolina and have been overwhelmed with information. I STILL dont know how to start, who to call, where to find specific information or people to lean on for help.

Someone who has successfully navigated the process, PLEASE help guide me. What is the first actionable step I need to take (beyond the generic "do some research")?? Are their counselors and adoptive parents-to-be advocates I can call for help?

[tweetybirdus]

Hello,

I think the first step, no matter what state you are in, is to research all the adoption agencies in your state and narrow it down to the ones you think fit your values. Then, go to their information meetings, see what they have to say and offer, "interview" them. Then, you can narrow it down even further or choose the agency you want to work with.

Also, I really recommend reading The Complete Idiots Guide to Adoption. It was wonderful and really helped us determine what our preferences were in terms of choosing an agency.

Good luck on your journey.

[Bnoll]

Hello and welcome to the boards! This is an EXCELLENT resource for any and all issues concerning adoption.

I second what Tweety said about getting The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption. It's a great resource about what to expect before, during, and after the adoption.

I also wanted to add that we are in NC as well and after looking at in-state agencies, we decided to go with a national one. You do not have to stay within your state. The large national agencies generally have greater exposure (and slightly higher cost) so it really depends on what is most important to you.

For me, after reading all of the websites and making a list of 30 or so agencies I was interested in, I started calling them. I asked as many questions as I could think of (be sure to have a pen and paper ready to keep things organized!). If they danced around my questions, avoided them all together, didn't answer my call/email, or ESPECIALLY if they didn't respond to my contact, I would cross them off the list. If they provide less than stellar service when they want to get your "business" (I hate wording it like that but even if an agency claims to be non-profit, often someone somewhere is making money), how are they going to be when they've got you locked in??

Feel free to PM me and ask any specific questions. I'd be happy to share our experience. Good luck!

[JBAinNC]

Thanks Tweety - I actually DID order that book from Amazon and should be getting it today, in fact! And I was not aware that there were agency information sessions, so this is very helpful news.

Wow, Bnoll! Congratulations! Your timeline was very encouraging - all I have been seeing were the horror stories about the process taking two years and all the heartbreak along the way. Its good to read about an actual success story.

Since I hadn't gotten pregnant after trying for 2 years, I decided to go back to school to get my MBA to keep myself otherwise occupied. As a result, I am "a student" until August 2010. I am wondering if I should hold off on my homestudy and agency selection until I get closer to graduation, or if I should proceed with the expectation that the process will likely last until next summer? (I will definately start my agency research now.)

Another question: is there a resource I can go to for warnings about agencies? Is there some sort of agency certification board where complaints would be sent? If not, I guess the BBB is a good place to start to learn about all of the local "bad actors".

I am really looking forward to getting my book(s) - I ordered two of them: "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption" and "The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child".

Thanks again for your inputs! Very helpful.

[Bnoll]

Thanks, JBA. Our timeline isn't necessarily the norm, but it can and does happen. It depends on what type of child you're open to - race, gender, drug/alcohol exposure, medical history, and potential special needs. The more open you are, the more potential birth mothers you can be shown to. Also, agency selection is crucial. Many enjoy what small, local agencies offer. However you may have to wait a little longer to be matched. Larger, national agencies have (typically) broader exposure but may lack in the "warmth" factor. The agency we went with was absolutely amazing and was national - yet you'd never know it. PM me if you'd like the name.

As far as when to start, the wisest thing I can say is do not complete the home study (usually takes 2-3 months) until you are 100% ready to parent. Although it is more likely that you will wait until August to have a baby, you could very easily get a call say that a baby has been born, you've been chosen, and now you need to get on an airplane to a state across the country. Although we were matched with M's bmom, as you can see she thought she was due in October and a few days later we got the call saying she'd been born. Some on this board weren't even matched prior to hearing of their baby. Some bmoms wait to make an adoption plan until after the child is born and then they select the aparents. Although this doesn't seem to be the norm, it does happen. So if you aren't ready to drop everything tomorrow to be a mom, I'd recommend waiting to start the process until you are.

This board (more so on the General Adoptive Parent Support thread) is a WONDERFUL place to get warnings/raves concerning specific agencies. However, all specific discussions must be done via PM. Simply post a thread asking about Agency X and for PMs of their experience. You'll likely get responses. Also, the BBB is a good resource - usually. Finally (and I'm not a fan of this method) you can contact the agency for a list of clients for references.

I hope this helps! Good luck!