[jkwdbu]

i accidentally placed this in the wrong forum earlier so i am copying it to here:

i have a question regarding US adoption. i am interesting in finding out how parents are given referrals for adopting children. as i understand, if you are going to foster to adopt, than the person that conducts the home study selects children (according to what they feel would be a good fit) to place in your home. that scares me. i would like to at least be able to see pictures of the children before welcoming them into my home.
are there other ways to select children for adoption (2-5 years olds, particularly) in the US?

any advice would be appreciated.

[mdesi]

From what I understand, you can set yourself up to be open to certain situations by explaining this in your homestudy. I'm not sure that a photo is going to give you the whole picture of the child.

[jkwdbu]

Quote:
Originally Posted by mdesi
In our state, potential foster to adopt parents tell their SW what situations they are open to. If you are not open to certain situations - disabilities, behavior disroders, ages, genders, races, etc - you are not supposed to be presented those situations. I'm not sure that a photo is going to give you more information than meeting with the child and getting advice on potential matches from your SW would.

How are you planning on avoiding rejection? (Not trying to flame you, just asking for more information.)


I live in Texas and I'm pretty sure the same situation applies here.
Well I was hoping for more than just a photo. I would like a background sketch, a personality analysis, and perhaps even a short video of the child. These types of things would help us to be able to participate more actively in the child selection process.
As it is now, foster children face rejection every time they are moved out of a home. Bringing them into our home for a 'trial,' especially when we know nothing about the child ahead of time, seems problematic.

If we could observe the child more discreetly (without actually bringing them into our home) it would help to keep them from potentially experiencing more rejection.

[ncsingledad]

Originally Posted by jkwdbu

Quote:
Originally Posted by mdesi
In our state, potential foster to adopt parents tell their SW what situations they are open to. If you are not open to certain situations - disabilities, behavior disroders, ages, genders, races, etc - you are not supposed to be presented those situations. I'm not sure that a photo is going to give you more information than meeting with the child and getting advice on potential matches from your SW would.

How are you planning on avoiding rejection? (Not trying to flame you, just asking for more information.)


I live in Texas and I'm pretty sure the same situation applies here.
Well I was hoping for more than just a photo. I would like a background sketch, a personality analysis, and perhaps even a short video of the child. These types of things would help us to be able to participate more actively in the child selection process.
As it is now, foster children face rejection every time they are moved out of a home. Bringing them into our home for a 'trial,' especially when we know nothing about the child ahead of time, seems problematic.

If we could observe the child more discreetly (without actually bringing them into our home) it would help to keep them from potentially experiencing more rejection.

Here in NC, your SW will send your homestudy to the CW of children that you might be interested in, and you can request it to be sent for other children that you have seen in a photolisting (though agency policies on that differ, i'm sure).

Once you have been selected as a "match" for the child you should have an opportunity to review further information about their background, personality, etc.

I agree with you on causing a child any more rejection than needed, I would encourage you to share these thoughts and feelings with your SW, and they should be able to help you get as much information before a meeting takes place.

[minibus]

Originally Posted by jkwdbu

Quote:

Well I was hoping for more than just a photo. I would like a background sketch, a personality analysis, and perhaps even a short video of the child. These types of things would help us to be able to participate more actively in the child selection process.
As it is now, foster children face rejection every time they are moved out of a home. Bringing them into our home for a 'trial,' especially when we know nothing about the child ahead of time, seems problematic.

If we could observe the child more discreetly (without actually bringing them into our home) it would help to keep them from potentially experiencing more rejection.

I can speak only to what I've seen here in WA. (I worked in the child mental health field and in foster care / social work for many years.) Generally, a potential adoptive parent gets to talk to the child's social worker (not necessarily the social worker who did your homestudy) about the child. The child's social worker may only know what's on paper about the child, or may have had an ongoing relationship with the child since the child entered the system.

Depending on the worker and the worker's knowledge of the child and of mental health issues in general, I've heard workers describe children very accurately and workers who describe an entirely different child.

I'm curious about the "personality analysis" that you mentioned. What do you mean by this? As far as I know, there are no personality inventories which are valid for toddlers / young children - personality isn't set this early in life.

You may also be able to talk to the child's former foster parent(s), teacher(s), GAL/CASA, etc, who will all have different points of view of the child.

Unfortunately, even if you get to do this, and get a video and get to meet the child, there are no guarantees. Children "honeymoon" when they meet new people - they're on their best behavior. I've seen videos of children I've worked with that have made me literally laugh out loud - the child in the video and the child they're describing is who the child is at his/her BEST behavior, which happens about 10% of the child's existence.

You should be able to get pretty extensive documentation of the child, if he/she has been in the system for any extended amount of time. Talk to collateral contacts (school, GAL/CASA, etc.), former foster parent(s), respite parent(s), anyone who has had contact with the child.

Best of luck to you!