[tem0627]

It is not my intention at all to offend anyone and I hope you can see my heart in this question.

First, let me give you some background. My husband and I have three children. Our first is almost three, our second died shortly after birth and our third never made it out of the first trimester.

We are considering adoption and looking into a newborn adoption as a possibility. However, I am completely terrified that a birthmother would choose us, we'd bond, get excited about and prepare for another child, only for the birthmom to hold the baby, change her mind and not finish out the adoption. How real is this possibility?

[BrandyHagz]

How real is this possibility?

Very, very real. In fact, it's likely. I'd say that most of the parents on the forums here have gone through either a failed match (relationship ended before birth) or a failed placement (mom or dad decided to parent either after the birth or after the child was released to the hopeful adoptive parents, but before the time for revocation had passed).

The more restrictive you are on the situation (meaning, race, gender, etc) you're going to find more risk.

If you're open to gender, race and other things - there i a fairly good chance you could adopt with very little risk via a 'baby born' situation. This is where the baby is born and you're not selected or notified until the revocation period has passed. The baby will be a couple of days older coming home in this case.

It's all part of taking the step in the journey.

A woman considering adoption can't fully make an informed decision until her baby is born. She can not say goodbye until she's said hello...if that makes sense.

[tem0627]

How long is the revocation period?

[devildogwife]

Originally Posted by tem0627

How long is the revocation period?

It varies by state.

In our situation, because my son's birth mom is Native American, she had to wait until 10 days after his birth and then terminate her rights in court in front of a judge. Then our attorney had to ask for a hearing. About a month later, we had the hearing that officially terminated all rights to our son (birth parents and 3 tribes). During that month, his birth mom could have revoked her consent. It was long, but obviously worth it.

In some states, a birth mom can TPR in as little as 24 hours after birth, rightly or wrongly.

Like Brandy said, you may want to look into baby born situations.

[loveajax]

Hi Tem,

I don't know what the overall statistics are but our agency SW told us that there was like a 30 percent chance of a failed match/placement. (We luckily never experienced this). I have a large group of amom friends on another forum and I would say that the 30 percent figure seems "accurate" to me (just based on this limited subgroup!). The problem is of course that you never know which "side" of the statistics you will fall on.

If you are "petrified" of a failed match or placement (after a pg loss, I was too, so I understand), you can opt to adopt an infant whose birth parents have already terminated their parental rights. It may mean you wait longer, but maybe not...you really never know.

In any event, good luck and I am sorry for your losses.