[ROJA]

Hello. My wife really wants to adopt from foster care, but that option scares me a great deal. How does foster adoption compare to "regular" (voluntary?) adoption? How about international adoption?

How does one possibly get enough information to make a choice? Any good resources for getting started?

Thanks in advance!

[Linny]

Dh and I have adopted many times...internationally, through the foster care system, and through domestic private adoptions, all transracially. I think we've just about done it all except give birth and/or deal with infertility issues....

First, foster to adopt adoption is considerably different. In this way, generally the child/ren have been taken from the biological family due to neglect or abuse or both. While this isn't true in all states, I think I can safely say that in most states, to receive a newborn from foster care and KNOW that you'll be able to adopt it soon after, is rare. Most states take entirely FAR too long in the 'taking and giving back to bios' cycle so that the child is at least moderately damaged with attachment issues. There are always exceptions, it's true; but overall this has definately been the experience in our cases, and most that I've read/heard. The fees to adopt are usually free and you'd usually receive a stipend and a medical card each month for the child until s/he reaches 18yrs of age.

In private agency adoptions, you're able to find some or most or all of the info about the biological parents; the releasing for adoption is voluntary (and yes, I know there are horror stories on this, but the majority of babies are voluntarily relinquished). It is $$ costly (sadly it is), but you have a handle on helping any problems early on, should you accept a situation of a drug exposed baby, one with other challenges, etc. You are able to attach to a child/baby from the start....and IMO, this makes all the difference in the world. The major drawback of private adoption is the $$, which is increasing at an alarming rate. However, if you are willing to wait long enough, oftentimes, you can find a situation within your budget....just depends. Additinally, there are grants/loans to check into that could/can help you in this endeavor.

And, then there's always an identified adoption, or one that involves using an attorney and no agency. These types of adoption can be less expensive, or more or generally the same cost. All of this depends on what you're looking for, any biological parents' expenses, etc.

Besides all of this, there are other issues to look for in all of these ways to adopt:
1. Type of education available for adoptive parents and biological parents.
2. Type of requirements from the agency (do you, as adoptive parents have to have a certain level of open-ness, you age, your residency, how long you've been married, etc)
3. Type of counseling offered to biological parents post and pre birth.

The list can go on. It CAN be overwhelming; but you can understand and do it taking one step at a time, asking a lot of questions, and having a good idea what you want in the first place. By that, I mean what age of child/baby you'd like, whether a healthy or challenged baby/child, whether you believe you'd be better matched for an older child with issues, etc.

Good luck, and feel free to pm me if I can be of any further help.

Sincerely,

Linny