[RohloffKs]

I am a 29 year old happily married woman with PCOS. I can not have children. My husband and I have been married for nine years and have finally decided on adoption.
I was ecstatic to start my search on the web first and find information. I searched for days and days and read through website after website. My little heart hopeful and chipper. I was on MY way to becoming a Momma!
Now, weeks into that search...I am broken hearted.
There is so much information. So much to read. So many places to start.( I don't know anything yet and have been cramming!!!!)
Tonight while browsing through profiles in my state and considering in state adoption I read profile after profile of hopeful parents. Oddly, my heart sank. All these people had the most beautiful homes and most wonderful lives. They went on yearly vacations and had supper hobbies like hiking, biking and attending church socials.
My husband and I are hardworking blue collar people. We don't own a brand new home on lots of land. My car is seven years old for christ sakes!
And it hit me....why would anyone want to give me a child? I have really nothing special to give to that child. Just love. Nothing materalistic like most of those couples have to offer.
And then I thought...I could never afford adoption. All those fee's...how do people really do it?
For the last thirty minutes I have cried my eyes out wondering why I even set myself up for hope.
For the past eight years I have told myself to live childless is no big deal. But it is...
I don't even know if this board is the right place for this post.
I don't even know if this is something others experience!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[mamalove23]

My Husband and I adopted our first child through the foster care system when I was 22 and he 23...why would anyone choose us? We rent our home, drove old cars, wore inexpensive clothing. Husband's job is nothing special...

I know foster to adopt is different but our sons bio parents asked us to adopt him so I feel chosen, also the county has sence placed 3 infants with us and two are still here...

If you are ready to be a mamma then continue your search!! Parents are not chosen just bc of money of stuff...I would rather a family choose us because of who we are!

[kretzklan]

There are so many avenues...please look into fost/adopt if money is a big issue. If the biggest issue is being "chosen" by someone - international could be an option for you (however, it does have fairly substantial costs). Don't give up hope yet...there is SO much info and you are overwhelmed! Understandably so!

[sheababy]

We felt the same way. You just have to be yourself. When I asked our birthmom if she wanted anything for her daughter (to be raised with pets, take dance lessons, whatever) all she said is she wanted her to be loved. We wondered if we would be chosen because we were significantly overweight but our birthmom chose us because the baby looked like me.

Don't despair-there are tons of avenues to explore.

[minibus]

You never know what a potential birth mother / parent will choose. You never know why she will choose you ... until she does!

That being said, we were never "chosen". We have two beautiful children through adoption. Their birth mother had the agency choose (with certain criteria).

If money is a concern, look into foster-adopt, look into places with a sliding scale fee, consider children who are AA/BR, consider children with special needs, consider independent adoption. There are lots of options out there.

Best of luck to you in your journey!

[RohloffKs]

WOW!
You guys have really given me hope.
Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. It seems like it will be a crazy ride...
looks like I need to stop on in here more often!

Once again THANK YOU!!!!!!!

[makemeamommy08]

The internet IS a sea of information and yes, definitely makes you a bit overwhelmed but as everyone else has said, their are many other options. Don't give up! We found out about my inability to have kids a few years ago. We've tried everything which lead to financial and emotional strain. We decided it wasn't supposed to be. A couple months later, a relative of ours asked us to take care of her baby. She's just too young (14). We found a company (myadoptionforms) that takes care of the paperwork for your adoption and all you do is file. It was simply AMAZING!! No agency, no lawyer..Each state is different but start looking around near you. There are many babies that are not in foster care or with an agency. They could be 2 blocks from you. We have a beautiful little girl and it didn't take years and a ton of money to finalize. Best of luck and stay strong!!

Jennifer

[JillnoJack007]

Yes it is a long road to travel but the outcome....priceless! I too cannot have kids. Well can't carry them full term. Lost 7. I'm in the process of adopting a friends baby and coincidentally going through myadoptionforms as well. I've been looking for info and views on doing an adoption on your own throughout the board. It's great being here and please know that it's never too late. Great things happen every single day.

Jill

[KarynB]

Hello,

Many of us are really familiar with what you are saying - many stages of the adoption process can feel really overwhelming (like the MOUNTAINS of paperwork you will need to comlete). What really helped me when I felt like quitting was reminding myself that if I took one step at a time, the outcome would be a baby. If I gave up, no one would do it for me, and the result would be no baby. Easy decision to make!!!!

I would start by making a list of things that are "must haves" and then things that are "nice to have" and then "things that are unimportant". You might want to consider age of the baby (do you NEED to have a newborn), money considerations, race, and timelines you are willing to live with. From there you can see which road looks most appealing and plausible. If you want to have more then one child eventually, consider adopting siblings to avoid two sets of costs.

In terms of money - trust me - you WILL find it from somewhere. We also rent, drive old cars, and one of us has always been in school during our two processes. We have no rich relatives, either! Search for creative ways of financing an adoption either from overseas or privately, or consider fost/adopt. There are lots of threads on a.com on financing adoptions...we've done fundraisers, loans, credit cards, and creating saving, but there are many options!

Good luck!

[jp4ga]

I too have PCOS but I was able to have a child with the use of Clomid. That was 12 years ago. When we were ready for baby #2 the clomid did not work. So we did nothing. When our son turned 9 we decided to foster to adopt. Many people have success with foster to adopt. However, our county really is not a "adoptive county", they practice "reunification at any cost." So we decided on private adoption. We could not afford it but some how it happened. We applied for grants through the National Adoption Foundation, we also got a LOW interest credit card through the foundation for the specific purpose of adoption. We held fund raisers, took extra work, and saved every dime. We ended up being able to pay cash for our adoption, NOTHING was put on credit. Start saving, start fund raising, and look into grants.