[Archive]

Originally Posted By Sharyn

I have yet to see anyone in our position. My husband and I have been discussing adopting, and NOT having our own. With so many children lost out there....
Is there anyone else who feels this way?

[Archive]

Originally Posted By tanya

do not share your outlook-adoption is currently something we are looking into after having children of our own. We are looking into several agencies ourselves so far, friends recommended for us to check out Finally Family Adoptions. Good luck in adopting!

[gwensnanny]

thinking about adoption before biological births.

[Linny]

We chose adoption over 'giving birth'. We felt that there were enough people on this planet, than to add to that number. We also felt that it was not important to have a 'child that looked like hubby or me'. We also knew that our families have w/in them, severe arthritis and diabetes, and even though neither of us have these maladies, we thought we were being selfish to possibly place that genetic code on a child's life just because we thought birth might be 'neat'.
We chose adoption over birth for these reasons and have never regretted it......EXCEPT that giving birth is MUCH simpler. However, this has never stopped us from the adoption of six children (infants and older), nor has it stopped us from pursuing the possible adoption of a seventh infant.

Just my two-cents......


Linny

[karabur]

My husband and I are in our early 20's. We feel the same is Linny. There is enough people in this world. I want to be a mommy and that does not mean I have to carry a child to be mine. I think it is sad that some people only pursue adoption after years and thousands of dollars in expense. I hate it when I tell people that am adopting some rude people have said "Don't you want one of your own?" or " You are too young to have fertility problems." I hate dumb people. I am also adopted by my step-above father. I love my dad. Adoption is powerful. I have always known I was going to adopt. When I was 4 I had these AA baby dolls. Adults would laugh and I would cry becuase I thought they were being mean to my babies. I would say they were adopted. It was cute. Adoption is not second best and anyone who thinks that should not adopt.

[ladyjubilee]

I'm adopting....and have know since childhood that's the way I was going to form a family. All the guys I date know (and have known) up front that I wouldn't consider giving birth in a world where so many children already need homes. My family has known---and even gave me the "when are you going to start the process of giving me grandchildren" insteand of "when are you going to give birth to my grandchildren".

[bbdudley]

Yep, Mother Earth has too many children already. If I don't have that "Biological Clock" and need to procreate, my husband and I both think that we are being irresponsible to choose to give birth out of the belief that "everyone does it."

Yes, adopt! I'm adopted and would be thrilled to pass along the love that my adopted parents gave me. I think that would be the best thanks and testimony to both my birth parents and my adopted parents and a child out there waiting to be part of your life.

Cheers!

[bbdudley]

pixiefix, I hope you weren't being sarcastic.

I really meant what I said when I don't want to do it because "everybody" else is. What I meant was that _my husband and I_ would be being irresponsible to give into the family's expectation and peer pressure to give them children -- that is simply the wrong reason to bring a child into this world.

I, as well as you, deeply believe that every pregnancy and birth and family should be a joyous occassion. Also, I don't need to feel pressured to populate the planet, because there are other people out there with the natural biological urge to be parents.

I love children and am around them daily. But some people look at me as if I'm a mutant or a monster when I say that I don't want to have my own. I am sick to death of those people who think that the only way to be "normal" is to procreate. I love children to no end and am "Auntie" to several. It seems a bit shallow when the same people who see me being "Auntie" act as if I'm incapable of love because I don't want to give birth.

Yes, procreation is natural. Forcing procreation for other motives is not.

Procreation is absolutely NOT irresponsible. _Me_ procreating IS irresponsible because, while pregnant, I would probably refer to it as "passing on my genetic material." =

Sometimes I do feel like I'm missing something not having that urge to have a baby, but I simply don't have the urge. And, when I see people having children that want them, I celebrate. I am glad that people are carrying on their lives and dreams and genes with their children and am equally happy that I and my husband are not.

I am sorry if my words were sounded raw, but I really hope that you understand that me using the word "irresponsible" was referring only to myself. As in the sentence "It would be irresponsible for me to perform brain surgery" because I don't have the proper training or desire to. Brain surgery is not irresponsible. Me performing it is. I'm sure that all brain surgery candidates out there would be very glad that I won't be irresponsible and try surgery on them.

I was raised by wonderful aParents. I've never known the biological bond between mother and child. This may have affected me. Regardless, I don't have anything to model a natural parent/child relationship on. Maybe, I don't really feel "qualified" to have a child.

I also hope that someday if someone is giving birth to a child and it is a completely unwanted child that the birthParents do seek out a loving couple to give the child a wonderful home. My husband and I would love to share that love with a child and it doesn't have to be of our own genetic material. But, that is just us.

Sorry for the edgy language. I am trying to tone it down. I guess I haven't arrived yet. I didn't mean to offend.

I really appreciate you challenging me. Through me trying to clarify to you, it gave me some personal clarity. I love these posting boards for that and I thank you for your message.

pixiefix, congratulation on becoming a new mom! I am very glad for you and am very glad there will be one more wanted child in the world!

Cheers!
Dudley

[bbdudley]

Pixie, you made my day! You put a great big smile on my face.

I think I would have a really fun and enlightening time in conversation with you. I like that you are challenging. You have some lucky kids to have a parent that will teach them to really listen and to really think and to speak up.

Cheers!
Dudley

[twyla]

Hi, Pixiefix & BBDudley!

Ya'll made my morning! It is so wonderful to see misunderstandings addressed and resolved instead of some of the needless bickering back and forth that I see most of the time on the other forums when someone has not stated their opinion clearly (or maybe too clearly sometimes).

It just goes to show that if you take the time to get to know the other person, they are not usually intending to put you or your ideas down, they just have a different viewpoint or a different way of wording things.

Welcome to the board and continue to challenge! I like the way ya'll get to the heart of the matter!

[jmsteve]

I feel the same. I don't feel the urge to give birth to children, though I look forward to parenting.

[blairnpam]

My situation is a little (not much) differnent than the others here. I too have always wanted to adopt and partly to give children without someone to love them a home but also partly because pregnancy and child birth scare the daylights out of me. I have never really wanted to be pregnant, however shortly after getting married my husband and I found out that we were indeed expecting. This put a hold on when we were going to adopt an older child. I forgot to mention that babies also make me nervous. Or I should say I have never had the desire to have a baby. Making a long story short, due to health reason I delivered by c-section after a very complcated pregnancy. I had my tubes tied at the time of the c-section. Even as nervouse as I was I instantly fell in love with our daughter. I knew though that I couldn't wait to give her a brother one day. Now we are finally in a postion to start the process, we are military so it has been a rollercoaster for a few years in our location. I hope and pray that every adult looks into their own heart to find what is right for them. My husband and I had planned to adopt first and then maybe have a biological child but that is not how it worked out. We are now looking forward to adding to our family. We do not plan for this to be the only sibling and it will not be a baby or even a young child but one of many (God and the government willing). I wish all who are adopting the best of luck. Love does not know genetics!
Sincerely,
Pamela

[Noi]

I have known since childhood that I wanted to adopt, rather than have biological children, and for the same reasons that most of you have cited--overpopulation, not needing to see a little version of me (I think the world would actually be frightened by too many little me's running around), possibly having some bad genetics in the family...

My friend's response when I told her I was going through with this (going through with STARTING the adoption procedure) was, "Look, Noi, why don't you just grow your own?" Mainly because I don't have a good *reason* to 'grow my own', a few reasons not to, and, because I believe that every child should be a wanted child, I know that I have the power (should the agency and birthmother be willing) to make an unwanted child, or one whose parents don't have the resources or time to raise it, into a wanted one.


best of luck to all of you,

Noi

[sifah]

Hi. Just wanted to say that I too have decided to adopt rather than have biological children. My husband and I are still deciding if we would like to raise a child at all, but we are young and our option would be to adopt. He had a vasectomy when we got married. I am adopted and feel, as a lot of other people do who replied, that there are too many children in this world already who do not have families. I can only imagine what would have happened to me if my parents had not adopted me. So if we decide to have chilren in the future, they will be adopted.

Originally posted by Linny

We chose adoption over birth for these reasons and have never regretted it......EXCEPT that giving birth is MUCH simpler. However, this has never stopped us from the adoption of six children (infants and older), nor has it stopped us from pursuing the possible adoption of a seventh infant.

Just my two-cents......


Linny

Don't assume that giving birth is MUCH simpler than adoption - I had a very long and difficult pregnancy - in and out of the hospital - then due to complications had to deliver 2 weeks early. Not all pregnancies/births are easy. Plus we've had 4 miscarriages which is why we are now looking into adopting.