[ByChanceBaby]

Hi there. Dh and I are in the process of comleting our paperwork for an independent open adoption through an agency in CA. I'm wondering if anyone can weigh in on this topic who has completed their homestudy and may have had an issue with being on anti-depressants?

I tend to forget the fact that my husband and I are BOTH on them... I've been on them at a VERY low dose on and off for about 8 years. Mostly at first to help me with mild depression that runs in my family and to help me through rough patches during a family tragedy and later in life, infertility/anxiety over it all. My husband also suffers very MILD depression that runs in his family, but he has done very well on Lexapro. We forget that we're even being treated for it, because it's not something that we even think about. We feel great and have felt perfectly normal for years on end.

Our doctor noted on our health forms that we were doing very well on small doses of medication, but today our counselor gave us a doozy, that we'd have to have our Dr. fill out another letter to answer further questions about it. I'm not worried about his answers, because we're both doing great, and to be honest, taking the medication is like a major after thought... we forget we're on it. I guess I'm worried more about our potential birthmothers reading our files. Will this be an issue for THEM? I actually thought that people being on anti-depressants was more common than I guess it actually is??? I guess I forget that it is in fact a medication for DEPRESSION, and anyone else could read into that, that for some reason that would hinder our ability to parent. I'm so worried about this. Can anyone out there give their two cents?

I'm so worried that a birthmom will not want anything to do with us if they have access to this part of our homestudy...I just don't want to be overlooked, because we know we're meant to parent and that this part of our lives is so well managed and virtually non-existant.

Anyone? Thank you...

[BrandyHagz]

Well, under normal circumstances, expectant parents don't generally see the homestudy. Its for legal purposes only.

However, disclosing your medical information is just as important as her disclosing her medical information. She needs to be given all of the tools to make an informed decision and knowing this about your family could be very important to her (or not important at all).

Bottom line - you need to be honest and upfront. Let them make the decision (that's what they're supposed to do) and if that decision is to not place with you, then thats ok (as hard as it will be) because for every one person that is NOT ok with the medical issues you guys deal with there will be one who will have ZERO problems with it.

Just remember - it's up to them. Give them the tools they need to make a totally informed decision about your family

(I am also taking a low-dose anti-depressant and I'd have no problem with that at all.)

[aclee]

Our homestudy WAS read to M. THe agencies we worked with (3) all said it was their policy that bmom's are given copies of the home study...they don't even have to ask. THAT SAID....

If I was a bmom with a history of depression, or had depression in my family and was familiar with it, I think I would be more apt to choose you! What better family for a bmom to KNOW would accept her child unconditionally. I was really surprised at how each little "thing" with Ty that wasn't tip top "normal perfect" was something that M thought would cause us to reject him (he has an outie belly button...smaller now, we call it his cinnamon bun cause it's sort of turns and tucked in...looks JUST like a cinnamon bun minus the white frosting, but it was LARGE when he was born, and slightly herniated..almost 2 inches out from his tiny little body, and he has a small round birth mark on wrist that is darker, and the same size small round birth mark that is lighter on his back...like God moved the spot!) She made sure she pointed out anything we could see as "flawed" or that might be "flawed" later (he has tough hair..she wanted to be sure we were ok with that...we totally are!) We of course love every little detail!

Anyway, I think for the right birthmom, even the things WE see in our lives as not perfect, are perfect for them. We have three dogs and I saw MANY bmom requests for no dogs in thehouse. For M...that was PERFECT.

[ByChanceBaby]

I understand what both of you are saying. I guess I just worried... that we'd be turned down by a birthmom when she found that out.

Ideally, we'd get to meet her first, at a potential match meeting, before she found out the information, because if I can say so, I think we're pretty neat!

Our agency has a form that we fill out that says all of the situations we are open to. One of them outlines the possibility of being open to matching with a birthmom with mental disorders...from mild to severe. I don't know, but clinically speaking, if one takes anti-depressants, wouldn't that be considered a "mild mental disorder"? What I'm getting is, just like WE were asked to put our criteria in our profile form, will a birthmom be filling out similar information? I guess that is a questions for the agency... hmmmm...