[GoddessDanu]

My husband and I are starting the pre-adoption classes soon and I just had a few questions regarding what might be required of the home and family. We're going to be trying to adopt a toddler from the state.

Do we have to have a bedroom just for the child or can it be shared with other functions? We have a guest bedroom that is also our office. We have a twin bed in it and a dresser that also acts like a TV stand but we also have our computers and office equipment in there.

Do you think we both have to have driver's licenses? My husband has one but I don't because I work from home and when I need to do errands he just takes me. I had one but just let it expire since I never drive.

The last question I have is that we have a dog who is 8 years old and is blind and losing his sense of smell. He can get nervous around new people and situations (he's been known to growl when he's scared) and we have no clue how he'd react to a new person living with us. Would having a nervous dog be a problem?

I know these questions seem silly but I have no one else to ask.

[DianeS]

Some of those may vary by state, but I can tell you the answers for where I live...

1 - Yes, a child's bedroom must only be a bedroom. State workers usually believe that children are entitled to privacy just like the parents are, and point out that you don't make your bedroom the playroom for a child, so why should a child's bedroom be an office for an adult? There will also be requirements about the number of square feet required, it probably has to have a closet and a window too.

In addition, you'd have to childproof the bedroom, and that's nearly impossible to do wtih computer stuff - electricity and wires and such. Better to move the office to somewhere you can prevent the child from entering it for his own safety.

2 - I don't know if my state requires driver's licences, but they do require you to be able to transport yourself. Relying on someone else doesn't usually work. So that would be taxis or public transportation like busses. Children in foster care often have a LOT of appointments to go to. Court cases, medical appointments, counseling, possibly even birth parent visits if you receive a child before the parents' rights have been terminated. And then there's normal toddler stuff like playdates, shopping, mommy-and-me groups, and so on. So that means a lot of traveling.

You could well run into a social worker who is doubtful you can keep up with everything a toddler needs unless you have the ability to drive yourself, or reliable public transportation you are accustomed to using. Or you could convince the social worker that transporting the child is simply your husband's part of the parenting job. It will be assumed to be your job since you're home and since most appointments will only require one parent to attend, but you might be able to get her past that assumption if you work at it. But getting your own licence might be easier, it depends on the worker.

3 - Yes, having a "nervous" dog could well be a problem. You'd better start working on getting him accustomed to new people, and to proper behavior around them. You'll have the social worker in and out probably several times doing your homestudy, and if she believes your dog to be one that might bite a child, she could well refuse to licence you. It's her job to ensure that your home is a safe place for a child, with no liklilhood of the child being injured or mistreated.

Plus, if the dog does bite a child in your care before the adoption has been finalized, the child could well be removed from you because of "neglectful supervision". Children often don't know how to treat animals, and while an adult knows to back off if the dog growls, a child won't know that - especially a new child who has never been taught. Even a normally behaved infant moving into a home can totally rock a dog's world - imagine how much more it would be rocked if the new person is mobile, screetches and screams, wants to touch the dog, and doesn't understand how to be nice.

Better to get the dog some training ASAP so he knows to leave the room instead of growling when he's unhappy. That and careful supervision and correction of the dog's growling should solve that problem.

Something you didn't ask about: the social worker will want to see that you're complying with any state laws about the dog. In most areas, that's making sure the dog is vaccinated against rabies, and making sure that dog is "legal" (not a banned breed, for instance).

Your questions aren't silly at all. All those things and more will be covered in your classes and your homestudy and the materials they give you to read. Wait until you get to the parts about locking up your knives and cleaners! Most people have never heard of such things before they get involved with foster care. Good luck!

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

I don't think the fact that you don't have a driver's license will be an issue as long as your husband is going to be available to transport the kid to appts., etc. or you can find other transportation (such a public or a taxi). You should definitely find out how your dog will be around kids in the age range you are looking to adopt. Do you have any friends with kids that age? If so, maybe you could have them come over for a visit to see how the dog does. Because toddlers don't always know the proper ways to interact with a pet, your dog would need to be able to handle at least minor pestering.

[GoddessDanu]

Thanks for the advice. It's given me a lot to think about!