[GoddessDanu]

My husband and I have made the decision that adopting a child would greatly benefit our family. We don't have any children of our own and long to be parents. We naturally assumed our family and friends would be thrilled.

My father is having major issues with us wanting to adopt. He has told me all kinds of things ranging from "adopted children all have medical issues" to "giving birth and raising that child is harder than parenting an adopted child." He says he will not support my decision to adopt.

I am looking for support from people who have had the same problem. How have you dealt with family members who are not receptive to the idea of adoption?

[JustPeachy]

Well, I haven't had this problem (I'm a bmom with no other children), however, it's not your father's decision, is it? It is too bad he holds these opinions, but I wouldn't let it stand in my way if I wanted to adopt. If his attitudes spill over onto his relationship with any children you decide to adopt, I would probably limit the time they spent around him, at the least. His statements are false. Not all adopted children have medical issues and even if you had bio kids, there is no health guarantee that comes with them, either! As far as bio kids being harder to raise, well, heck if that were the case, wouldn't more people adopt? I mean, why would he want your life to be harder?? That comment just doesn't make sense to me.

Honestly, if you wish to adopt, you should. I would simply tell people (father included) that you've made your decision and it is not up for discussion. If he continues to spout off negative views, keep telling him it's not up for comment and if he doesn't stop, you will have to leave/end the conversation/go home/whatever (fill in the blank). Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

[mdesi]

DH and I experienced this same thing, too, with boths sets of parents. (Actually, his mother and my father.)

MIL issues were about a cousin of DH's that was going through a contested adoption. We asked more follow up questions to discover that 1. the laws were different in that state than our's 2. it was a completely different type of adoption than we were doing.

My dad's issues again with one of my cousins. Those cousins had two bio and two adoptions. One of the children that was adopted went wild, but we pointed out that the other was fine AND one his bio children went wild, too.

Both parents did not want their own children (DH and me) to get hurt. Both of them were speaking from that perspective, not to be Debbie Downer.

Ask you dad why he worries. Be prepared to find more information and follow up questions. Be prepared to explain that you can handle it. Be prepared to be vulnerable about why you are adopting. (Neither of our parents wanted us to experience the heart aches that we experienced before coming to adoption, so explaining how much hope and joy the process is giving you will help.)

[GoddessDanu]

I guess I had this fantasy about my whole family coming together to support DH and I. Everyone has responded positively to our choice expect for my father who now says he wants nothing to do with the process or the child we'll eventually adopt. It breaks my heart. He's old and set in his ways and has been known to "throw tantrums" when someone in the family is going against the norm in doing something. My wonderful DH told me last night that I need to simply lean on the people willing to support us and accept that there will be others who won't. What a disappointing way of starting the adoption process.

[kelceesmom]

No words of wisdom just very sorry to hear that your dad is not one to walk beside you on this path. That is sad to read. And the word family doesn't always mean your blood relatives. That I have learned over the year. I have a huge family blood and otherwise.

[Gwen72]

I am sorry about the problems you are having with your dad. Maybe he secretly watches Lifetime and he's seen too many horrible adoption movies. Like another poster said, he might be afraid to see you get hurt. Hopefully, when he sees your beautiful adopted baby his heart will melt and he will change his tune. If adoption is the path you have chosen, don't let anyone stop you.

[EZ2Luv]

Sadly some older folks have all these negative preconcieved about adoption. My adad family was like that. totally unsuportive and treated us differently than their biograndchildren. My agrandmother had this crazzy idea that adopted children are somehow problems and that adopting someone else's problem should be avoided. She never held back either and even went so far as making jerky remarks infront of us. My adad's brother who was a raging alcoholic was also opposed to adoption.
There is a difference from people being anti adoption and being aginst it because they are worried that you will end up hurt. If it is about you dad wanting to protect you from possible hurt, perhaps you can reassure him that you are aware of the possibility of getting hurt but that is a risk you are willing to take. In a case like that they more than likely will come around once you are placed with your baby.

On the other hand if they are just anti adoption, it alot harder for them to come around. Unfortunately for my family they never did.

The most important thing for me was that my aparents stuck to what they wanted to do and did not seek out their/her approval and went ahead and adopted because that was how they were to build their family. I cannot honestly sad that there was any love lost because my aparents loved us so much that it was impossible to feel any kind of loss.
It was only on a couple occasions that agrandma deliberatly excluded us from an activity where all the grandchildren where there and she told us that we couldn't go with her(she was taking the other cousins to see Santa Claus) and I think it bothered me more because my younger brother wanted to go.
After that my aparents stopped bringing us around her and certainly made up for any loss we might have felt.

i guess they thought that even though she was against the adoption, once we were actually adopted she would come to love and accept us, but that never happened . It was her loss though because she was the one to miss out on her son's great family.

I tell you all this because all you can do is attempt to explain your desire to adopt only so many times, then you must follow your heart. I an ideal world everyone would rejoice and share in you decision and journey. Sadly, there are some who never get the experience of sharing such a bueatiful blessing.
As hard as it is, and I know it must hurt and you feel let down, know that atthe end of the day you need to follow yourr heart
EZ

[GoddessDanu]

Thank you everyone for your support. It has been a rough couple of days for me with my father first telling me he's against it then my brother jumping in and saying the same thing. I just don't see what's so wrong about wanting to open your home and life to a child who needs a family. Thanks again for your words; they're truely helping me.

[momofMikhail]

When my husband and I decided to adopt my sister was not thrilled with the idea that we decided to adopt from Russia. But in due time, and once she saw his picture she quickly changed her mind. Now that our son is home he's just another nephew to her.