[sparkle1908]

Hello all,

I am newly on this journey to adoption and am researching right now..as a single person, I make a decent living. I want to adopt a girl between 6 and 10...but that is negotiable!!

My question (and the main reason for my hesitation in the past) is because I don't know if I can really afford a child...I want to ask what types of expenses (expected and unexpected) you have run across with your child/ren?

When you are single, you can go out to eat on a whim, grocery shop when you want, buy clothes, etc without much thought but with someone else to be responsible for how much of a change in lifestyle did you find?

I know that money shouldn't be an issue (or a major one) but I am not use to budgeting for 2 and want to see how much it has impacted others!!!!

Any advice would be accepted!!!

[Adoption_Ally]

The simple answer to your question is that when you become a parent (especially a single parent), life as you now know it will cease to exist.

This is true whether you adopt a baby or an older child - each has very distinct needs.

Before you go much further with this, spend a lot of time talking to lots of other parents, single and couples. Ask them what changes happened in their lives when they became parents.

Being a parent is infinitely more rewarding than I every could have imagined. It's also infinitely more difficult than I ever thought it could be.

Hope this helps!

[JPDakota]

I'm not a single parent and we adopted a newborn three years ago, but I can certainly speak to lifestyle changes and budgeting. We gave up season tickets to the indoor football league in our area. We do make one NFL game a year. If we eat in restaurants they are kid friendly places, not a nice upscale Italian restaurant or steak place. Free time? Not so much. Trying to read a book that doesn't have pictures in it is almost impossible. We rarely meet a friend for a drink after work. The Today show is now pre-empted by Dora. Buying work clothes or a nice new pair of sandals has to be planned for and weighed against music lessons, karate classes, and little outfits the next size up. Dusting? Sure, if there's time left after supper, bath, a couple of books, bedtime routine, dishes, laundry, basic cleaning, bill paying and checking my favorite Internet sites. Movies? Hmmm...... not the kind we used to buy. No money for that or time to watch them anyway. But Wonder Pets has a couple of great DVD's and Air Buddies is pretty funny. I should really get my hair done, but DD's braids are coming loose, so that will have to come first. And then there's groceries. We're really careful now to get fresh produce when frozen veggies used to suffice. You know the expensive apple juice, the kind with 100% apples and no sugar added? Yep, that's us. Of course, there are the obvious things like daycare, doctor visits and gas to get everywhere we need to get now.
But here's the deal. We LOVE being parents. We love our new lifestyle. We love hugs and kisses, sidewalk chalk and the question "why?". We love jokes with no discernible punchline, jammies with feet in them and "Swiper no swiping!"
Lifestyle change? Big time. A whole different budget? Absolutely. The experience of a lifetime? You could say that. Hang out with some parents and kids and ask lots of questions. There are classes out there, too. At the end of the day you'll make your own decision and it will be right for you..

[sparkle1908]

Thanks for the responses...I am glad to get different points of views..I see the hard work, the sacrifices made, the insanity of it all but I can also see that it's worth it overall...

I will take your advice and speak with parents to see what changed for them..I know it will be a shock to say the least!!!

[Fe2002]

Sparkle, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm 38, single and just finalized the adoption of my daughter. She came home when she was 3 wks old.

My lifestyle did change, but it wasn't painful because my priorities changed. It's not that I can't afford new clothes any longer (who knows, if I sat down and did the math... perhaps I can't) but I no longer WANT to buy new clothes for myself. My new thing is new clothes for my daughter.

I no longer want to go to the day spa 3-4 times per month... I'd rather spend the day tickling my daughter and hearing her giggle. KWIM?

Expected/unexpected expenses... well, formula is expensive and they can go through a 28 oz can (powder) in about a week. I order it online - at the very least you save on the sales tax. In fact, I order a lot of her stuff online to save money. For diapers, it pays to buy in bulk... but don't buy too many. I've had the problem of her outgrowing diapers well before they were finished. So, essentially that's a waste of money.

Don't buy size "newborn". She literally wore some of that stuff... ONCE! I've learned not to buy any of her clothes unless they are on sale. Babies simply outgrow the stuff too fast to justify the cost.

I also schedule certain things during the day (on my lunch break) so as not to take away time from my daughter. If I really need to get a mani/pedi, I now get it done on my lunch hour, instead of the weekend.

Also, another big thing.. can't believe I almost missed it. I have live-in childcare, an au pair! A complete life saver for me.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Good luck to you!

[sparkle1908]

Thanks FE2002...I'm not planning on adopting an infant..I want a 5-9 yr old..that would be a better fit for my lifestyle I believe...I'm still at the beginning stages of this one and I'm sure I'll go through all the doubts, anxieties, etc. that will come along with the ride

[kellymm]

You might consider hosting a foreign exchange student to test the waters. Check out AFS Intercultural Programs. We've hosted 6 boys from around the world and next year host our first girl! You can host for 3 months, 6 months or an acadmic year(that's the one we like the best). You provide a bed, roof and 3 meals - at least that's what's required! I'm married to a psychologist and I have a master's in counseling but having a 16 or 17 year can really poke holes in your day! kelly_matchett_morris@hotmail.com

[Adoption_Ally]

Originally Posted by sparkle1908

I'm not planning on adopting an infant..I want a 5-9 yr old..that would be a better fit for my lifestyle I believe...

May I ask why you think a 5 - 9 year old would fit better in your lifestyle?

[Cjmeck]

Originally Posted by JPDakota

I'm not a single parent and we adopted a newborn three years ago, but I can certainly speak to lifestyle changes and budgeting. We gave up season tickets to the indoor football league in our area. We do make one NFL game a year. If we eat in restaurants they are kid friendly places, not a nice upscale Italian restaurant or steak place. Free time? Not so much. Trying to read a book that doesn't have pictures in it is almost impossible. We rarely meet a friend for a drink after work. The Today show is now pre-empted by Dora. Buying work clothes or a nice new pair of sandals has to be planned for and weighed against music lessons, karate classes, and little outfits the next size up. Dusting? Sure, if there's time left after supper, bath, a couple of books, bedtime routine, dishes, laundry, basic cleaning, bill paying and checking my favorite Internet sites. Movies? Hmmm...... not the kind we used to buy. No money for that or time to watch them anyway. But Wonder Pets has a couple of great DVD's and Air Buddies is pretty funny. I should really get my hair done, but DD's braids are coming loose, so that will have to come first. And then there's groceries. We're really careful now to get fresh produce when frozen veggies used to suffice. You know the expensive apple juice, the kind with 100% apples and no sugar added? Yep, that's us. Of course, there are the obvious things like daycare, doctor visits and gas to get everywhere we need to get now.
But here's the deal. We LOVE being parents. We love our new lifestyle. We love hugs and kisses, sidewalk chalk and the question "why?". We love jokes with no discernible punchline, jammies with feet in them and "Swiper no swiping!"
Lifestyle change? Big time. A whole different budget? Absolutely. The experience of a lifetime? You could say that. Hang out with some parents and kids and ask lots of questions. There are classes out there, too. At the end of the day you'll make your own decision and it will be right for you..

I just love this! You summed up my life