[GlamRock]

Hi all! I'm working on an initial inquiry letter to an agency that I am 110% sure is the one that I want to work with. It's been super-important to me to find an agency that meets all this criteria:

• GLBT-friendly, not just playing lip service to comply with law
• No marriage requirements
• Okay with a bit of an age difference
• Doesn't require documented infertility, treatments or pregnancy attempts
• No extra cost and No extra wait time for this
• Not ostentatiously expensive

So yeah, it's been interesting looking for an agency, but I found them surprisingly easily. I once read an awesome book called The Kid that was the account of a gay couple adopting (really hilarious), and I liked the agency but now had no idea who they were (and figured they were in Oregon anyway). I didn't really think about it when I went looking, but I stumbled upon them when looking for open agencies near me.

Since I know that they are who I definitely want to work with, I'm trying to make a great first impression without coming off like a block of wood.

So anyway, here's what I've got so far (the red parts are what I'm really, really not sure about):

Hi, I found your agency on Google and have been very impressed with the attitudes on the site. For me and my girlfriend, adoption has always been our first choice for having children... and partly because of that, some agencies won't even talk to us. They act like we must be total mutants to be in a relationship and want to adopt just out of love.

We're also unmarried (and will most likely stay that way), so finding an agency who's willing to work with unmarried couples is definitely a requirement. I read 'The Kid' a few years ago and laughed all the way through it, but I didn't make the connection until I saw it mentioned on the site. I really love that you have an office near us (we're near [town]), so post-placement would be a breeze

Being multiracial ourselves, we're open to race, gender, twins and somewhat to age. "Somewhat" means 5 or under. I'm a little afraid of adopting infants, to be honest. I hear a lot about FAS and some illnesses aren't apparent until 18 months or older. But I am open to adopting infants, there are just more questions involved than with older matches. I don't consider race to be a "special need" the way that I would Down's Syndrome or Spina Bifida. I don't think that I'm the right person to help a child who has a serious medical condition.

It's especially important for us to work with an agency that is truly GLBT-friendly as I think it's a good indicator that an agency can look beyond surface issues like race, age and sexuality and look at true parenting capability. I consider that to be the most important requirement of anyone we will work with and any other setup would be pretty much on auto-fail.

I feel that [agency name] is definitely the agency that we should work with, but I do have a couple of questions:

*What are your fees, and how are they broken down? When can we expect to make the first payment?

*What is the initial consultation like?

*What's the average time to complete homestudy start to finish?

*I don't have any contact with most of my family due to religious differences, would that cause any problems with homestudy? I don't foresee my mother coming back into my life, or being a big part of the lives of my children.


I would like to thank you for taking the time to answer my questions (I know you get a lot of them!).

Best Regards,
[Name]

Yeah, the parts that are red I'm not sure if I'm phrasing them the best way.

Any and all help is appreciated!!!!

Thanks,

Griffin

[GlamRock]

Also, I forgot to mention that the biggest problem between my mother and I isn't really the religious differences (although that plays a part). The biggest thing is that she's a drug addict and child abuser, but there's no way I've found to say that while still being professional. So help on that part is really really really needed! It's not an issue for me, we literally never see each other and almost never talk (only through letters every year or two). The woman basically hates my guts, although I talk to my two younger brothers on myspace.

I've already worked with children's services in her state, but they say there's not enough proof to prosecute or remove them temporarily (they'll only do so if a child currently in the home tells someone they are being abused, which is unlikely). Just a bad situation overall, I'm changing my last and middle names to keep her from committing fraud against me again (identity theft... again, not enough evidence to charge but somehow enough to remove it from my credit and put it on hers ). A very strange world we live in....

I take comfort in the fact that at least with our children, it will never happen to them. They can be happy and just worry about forts and video games

[Dallas_Mommy]

you know...all you need to do is send the questions. I don't think you need to explain your situation, your background, or share your fears just yet. A lot of that will come with your homestudy and as you get furthur into the process.

I would think that a simple "My girlfriend and I are interested in adoption and have a few questions..." would be plenty

I am in the middle of reading The Kid and am loving it!!! that's so neat that the agency is near you.

Good luck!

[tweetybirdus]

With initial contact to an agency, I don't think you really need to go that much into detail about your life, just that you are a same sex couple who would like to adopt and ask them to send you and information packet which should include their schedule of fees. During the homestudy is when you would go into the more personal items such as your relationship with your mother. I would say that you should be honest about that and it shouldn't be detrimental as long as you do not intend to have any contact. I had to cut some people out of my life due to drugs and things and was upfront about it with the social worker and now I have a beautiful little baby girl. Also, most agencies offer free information meetings and you can get a better feel for them there.

Good luck on your journey towards becoming parents.

Kat

[EZ2Luv]

I agree with the pps. No need to give so much of your life history on a simple inquiry. You will have a chancce to go into all those details at your home study.

EZ

[CourtneynCarl]

First, you are hiring them. Right now you just need to ask questions - clearly expressing what information you need. Chances are they will send you their standard information packet and include a card of who you need to call to set up an appointment to talk once you go over it all. Secondly, the homestudy is the place to reveal the details of your life - every detail! I also have to say, that none of the points you brought up and seem concerned about, are things that should be an issue at all. So, relax! Just email or call asking for info and take it one step at a time! Best of luck!

[minibus]

I agree with the previous posters that you should not go into so much detail as to why you're looking at choosing them. I think you should say that you're very interested in them and then ask your questions.

[GlamRock]

Originally Posted by CourtneynCarl

First, you are hiring them. Right now you just need to ask questions - clearly expressing what information you need. Chances are they will send you their standard information packet and include a card of who you need to call to set up an appointment to talk once you go over it all. Secondly, the homestudy is the place to reveal the details of your life - every detail! I also have to say, that none of the points you brought up and seem concerned about, are things that should be an issue at all. So, relax! Just email or call asking for info and take it one step at a time! Best of luck!

Thanks for your help with everything! I think I'm just nervous! Their approach seems so unlike what other agencies do. I've had a couple that all but asked me how many freckles I had on my behind waay before application or homestudy. So I guess I was just trying to be prepared. I'll let you guys know how it goes!


Also, we're not a same-sex couple.

[sbaglio]

I agree with the previous posters. A simple statement that you are a gay couple who is hoping to adopt, and would like information, is fine. I would also call them to speak with someone. You can often tell how people feel about your family simply by talking to them face to face or over the phone.

We are a gay male couple who adopted succesfully, and we know many others who have as well. I'm not sure where you have been looking, but we haven't found the extent of discrimination that you describe. Of course, there is not an equal playing field, but there ARE agencies out there that cater to our families.

I'm on the East Coast, but I can send you a few agency names on this side of the country if you're interested. Just PM me.

Good luck!

PS: I LOVED "The Kid"!