[azwi11ow]

Good Day,

I am a 30 yo single woman who has been raising a non-bio child from birth who will shortly be 3. I am interested in speaking to any other folks that could give me advice.

I have raised this child financially, emotionally, safely, and caringly for the past 3 years since her arrival in the birthing room. I am secure financially, physically, and have a clean background. There is nothing on any paperwork that would prevent me from adopting this child.

The reasons why I have not filed the paperwork at this time: 1. Bio-mom and grandma were afraid that if bio-mom gave intention to have me adopt as a non-relative at the hospital that they would put the child in foster care during the adoption process. To prevent this, bio-mom signed over custody to her mother (grandma). 2. Bio-mom and grandma were hesitant to involve the courts because bio-mom intended to raise and keep her other two children, and didn't want them to be taken away since she was giving up her third child. 3. Bio-mom and grandma (and I) all live in the same house, and trying to do a home study with the bio-parent in residence with the adopting parent would be a little "odd", not to mention could be a hindrence to the process.

We are now seperating households eliminating the hindrence for the home study. Bio grandma's health is deteriorating and now agrees that I should be the sole adoptive parent. (I would have been the guardian if anything ever happened to grandma). Although grandma does not want to lose out on being a part of this child's life, we will remain living together (I'm also her disability care giver, and she's like my second parent), so she will always be there. I've also expressed that I'd like her to have full grandparent rights established so that she isn't afraid of my adopting the child and "taking off" - her sole fear of giving up any custody or adopting rights. Also, I have the money to start the adoptive process while I can immediately file for guardianship and conservatorship, making sure the child's future is legally safe.

Both grandma and bio-mom will not contest the adoption, and the father is unknown.

I intend on filing for the guardianship and conservatorship immediately so that I can take over and legally sign for all medical, educational, and alll other paperwork. With this paperwork filed, the child would remain in my care despite the progress on the adoption.

Questions that I have:
1. Since there is no constesting of the adoption, do I need a lawyer?
2. Since this is a domestic adoption do I need to go through an agency because I'm a non-relative?
3. I do know that as a non-relative that I have to become certified as an adoptive parent, but what additional fees are involved in becoming certified?
4. Is there any chance that before the guardianship and conservatorship becoming final in court that the state would remove the child just based on the fact that I'm a non-relative? There are no security or other issues in the child remaining with me.

Basically, I want to make sure this child's future is secure, and of course, I don't want to lose her. She calls me Mama, and I have been raising her for 3 years now, with full support of the bio-mom and grandma. The only hindrence was their fears, which are mainly resolved. They do not want this child placed into the foster care system, or placed outside the family. I'm considered family to them. In addition, we agreed before the child was born that this would be an open adoption (I never considered it closed), and that the family would have a place in her life. The bio-mom recently got married and is pregant again. She's moving in with her husband. She does not intend to take this child from me, but this is also why I'm pushing the adoption forward. I don't want to have to bother her for legal signatures for medical care or daycare with her "new" life starting. She also wants the adoption complete to resolve that part of her pre-married life. I also want to make sure that my relationship with this child is LEGALLY secure, as there is always that little seed of a doubt of her being taken away from me even when there is no contest against the adoption in my case.

All replies welcome, and any thoughts would be great. I realize that this is a very weird way to adopt, and to be in a hold pattern for three years is rare. I also realize that this is a very open adoption process between the bio-mom, her family, and myself - and that may be quite different from an adoptive parent adopting from an unknown family.'

Thanks,
Blair

[bajj]

I can't answer your questions. It sounds like you have a very unique situation. I will say, more than likely a dilligent search for bdad will take place. He has rights, even if he doesn't know he has a child. So, even if you proceed with adoption it may be legal risk for awhile.

I know several people (my oldest son's First Mom included) who have older children and place a younger child for adoption. They do not take their children away from them. I also know people who place a child and then later have children. Placing a child for adoption does not make someone an unfit parent, so unless she is already in trouble with the child protective services, then I don't see that as a problem.

I look forward to hearing how this progresses as it is different than most cases I have heard! Good luck!