[Kimberly83]

I originally posted this in the "General" forum, but thought it was worth posting here as well...

Hi, my name is Kimberly and I am 23 years old, and currently single, but I have a condition called Turner Syndrom where a female is born with only one X chromosome instead of the normal 2, and because of this, I don't have functioning ovaries and therefore, I cannot have biological children, you can learn more about the condition here: Turners Syndrome. Anyway, due to the fact that I have fluctuating blood pressure and a heart murmor, I don't think IVF using a donor would be a safe option. I am also at high risk, because of my disorder, for developing diabetes, which I heard they will not let you adopt if you have. Also, recently, due to alot of anxiety over my health, my doctor has referred me to a therapist about anxiety and possibly depression. As I've become more interested in the option of adopting, I've started reading up on what the requirements would be for me and a future husband when the time should come, and I've read in alot of places that if you've been diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression and/or you take medication for it, you will not be allowed to adopt. Given that and my health issues, needless to say, I am afraid about this, because I've always children, ever since I can remember, and I feel like adoption, which is pretty much my only option, is being taken away from me. Does anyone know if this is true, (I'd want to adopt a baby, by the way, not an older child) and what options I might have? Could, for example, the man I'm going to marry adopt as a single parent before we get married if I'm going to be too much of a risk? I know single parent adoption isn't easy either, but is it more likely they will accept a single man (barring he has no health concerns or diagnosis of anxiety/depression) than a couple where one has some health issues and anxiety? Any advice on this would greatly appreciated. It's just weighing on my mind since I've started therapy, "what if this ruins my chances of ever adopting?"

[tweetybirdus]

Wow, I think that if you are honest about everything and have been dealing with your medical and emotional issues in a healthy way and are otherwise healthy, it shouldn't bar you from adoption. When going through the homestudy, you will be asked to have your physicians state that you are healthy enough to parent and adopted child. They may also require letters from any specialists that you are seeing stating the same. Agencies just want to make sure that there is permanency for the child in that you're not going to leave this world soon after adopting and then the child will have to grieve and bond with someone else. They will also want you to choose guardians for the child in case the unthinkable happens. You and/or your physician will probably have to educate your social worker and possibly other members of the staff about your condition and the risks to your health and life expectancy.

I do think that having your potential husband adopt as a single parent and then getting married once finalized is a little dishonest and unethical.

I think that you should probably call a few agencies, anonymously, and ask those questions. All agencies are different. You may find that some may work with you while others won't.

Also, have you thought of having a surrogate with donors as a possibility? Adoption isn't your only option. Both could potentially be equal, costwise.

Whatever happens, I wish you luck in your journey and peace within your heart.

Kat

[Kimberly83]

Thanks so much for your advice, Kat. I have thought of doing exactly as you say when the time comes. I will call prospective agencies, explain my situation and flat out ask, will this be a problem? As far as my condition, my life expectancy may be slightly lower than the average, but if I adopt in my 30's even early 40's, there is no reason, at this point, to believe I wouldn't be around to see the child grow up. I would definitely at least get my doctors to attest to that. As for having my future husband adopting as a single parent before we get married, I do see what you mean, but keep in mind there are people who will see IVF with donor eggs and a surrogate as unethical as well, although I would consider it if an adoption doesn't work out. Some are against adoption itself, so sadly, there are people who aren't in my shoes who will judge any decision I make here. I do think though, that my future husband and I will want to get married soon after we adopted (after waiting for the adoption to go through) and I hear a social worker still checks in for sometime after the adoption, and if they find out it could look bad and they could see what we were trying to do, and we could have our child taken away. So maybe you're correct that chancing an adoption as a couple or surrogate with donor eggs would be a better option. Thanks again for your advice, I already feel such support around here

[hopefulmom2be]

Kimberly,

I don't know what state you are in. I'm in Colorado and I disclosed that I was diagnosed with general anxiety in 2005. It is also noted in my health exam from my doctor that I occasionally take valium for it. My social worker had no problem with it. She really didn't even ask about it. It may come up later, but who knows. I've never heard that you can't adopt if you have diabetes. From what I understand, the medical portion of the process is just to see if your health issues would prevent you from living a long life. I don't think anyone has proved you will die prematurely from diabetes. Plus, you don't even have it yet. I wouldn't worry too much about it, until you actually have something to worry about. Good luck