[jaymel76]

My husband and I are the proud parents of a two year old little girl, and are wanting to provide her with a brother or sister. We have been seriously considering adopting our next (and final) child. We have very limited finances, so that is definitely a concern. We have even considered fostering a child and then adopting them. We would prefer an adoption where the birthparents do not know who/where we are to avoid any complications. We are in our early 30s and are both steadily employed. I guess I wanted to first introduce myself, my name is Melissa and we live in Oklahoma. I suppose that should have gone towards the beginning rather than the middle! Anyway, what I am trying to find out is the least expensive (yet still safe) way to go about adopting a child. We would prefer to adopt a toddler/preschooler or a baby, but a toddler/preschooler would be best for our family. Would DHS be the best route (considering we couldn't afford thousands of dollars for the adoption)? Would fostering and then adopting be the best? What are the risks in each? Has anyone successfully adopted through DHS (specifically Oklahoma, but any state would work). What is the process like and how long does it take? Any info, including links to informative websites, would be very much appreciated! Thank you so much for your time! I look forward to getting to know all of you!

[JGarrick]

You might have better luck in the Foster Care & Adoption forums. We're at the beginning of this process in Minnesota, and would offer only this bit of advice: Start studying now and learn about alcohol and drug exposure, and about attachment issues. All are apparently commonplace problems when adopting from the foster care system. At our orientation, we were told that in Hennepin County in Minnesota (Minneapolis and nearby western suburbs), about 85% of the kids entering the foster care system were coming from meth houses.

[sunflower1220]

jaymel~ DH and I live in OK and are adopting thru DHS. We are currently in the waiting period of things but have occured no expenses at this point. They assign a Childrens and Family Services worker to do your homestudy, which is no cost either. The only cost we are expecting is an attorney when the adoption needs to be finalized.

You mentioned you would prefer to not have the parents know who you are, this was the same concern for us as well so we decided to do straight adoption from DHS. It's much safer emotional wise as you will not receive a child unless they have already been TPR'd (except in rare cases). Depending on what county you live in there is a great non-profit organization that helps provide support in LOTS of ways during and after the process. If you want to PM me with the county you live in I can let you know if they are in your county, and fill you in better on what they do. We both volunteer and are with this group and we just love it!

Let me know if there is anything I Can help you with and I will do my best!

[MrsD]

Hi Melissa,
I'm in California so it's probably a little different, but (as a previous poster mentioned) it's important to remember that all the children will be victims of either abuse or neglect. Our county has wonderful support for before, during, and after the adoption and it will cost about $20. We aren't hiring an attorney to do the paperwork - a friend has adopted two kids and didn't have an attorney for the paperwork on either. It's our choice but I think I can handle the forms. Anyhow, I would definitely suggest going to an orientation (if you haven't already) and finding out the issues prevelant in foster kids in your area. Good luck!!
Keri

[dscarter]

As for children with attachment / alcohol issues etc... Why would any child need adopting if they have the perfect parents?

I would think that all adoptable children have been neglected of the touch, love and acceptance of the birth parents. I also feel that if you provide love, it covers a lot... Love is a healer. Remember, all children deserve love.. Just my personal opinion.

Hugs and blessings to you all...