[julieandsteve]

Was hoping you could give me your opionion. My wife and I have a wonderful baby, 14 weeks permie, 1 and a half poundsat birth, now 15 months( doing great). We always wanted 2 children and my wife almost died delivering. We were thinking about adoption, with the thought that we would give a home to an unwanted child, but are we just taking a baby away from someone who does not have one. Where should we look to make a positive impact on a child, without feeling like we are hurting alot of wonderful people. Thank you for you comments and help

[redbonec]

Hello.
So glad you, your wife, and your child are doing well!

You should not put yourself down, like you are not the "right family" to adopt. Many people choose to adopt whether they have already had children biologically, and many others choose to adopt even if they can conceive a child without difficulty. It is true that some agencies take families first to adopt if they have not been able to conceive, so if you speak with some that have that criteria, don't give up.
There are many ways to adopt. From your state, or private adoption through an agency, facilitator, or lawyer, or international. All are ways to share more love in a family.

You should feel that you can adopt, and that you are not pushing other people out.

As you learn more and seek more information from various places, you may find that you and your wife lean toward a certain way to adopt. It can be overwhelming at this beginning of the process. Take your time.

[Linny]

I have to say this: If you believe that your biological child was meant to be...then why couldn't you believe that an adopted child was meant to be as well?

You will find that there are many different families, types of babies and children....needs and desires. It is amazing to me, that some couples want to parent children I know we could/would not. Other couples have said to us that we parent children they feel they could/would not.

Each of us plays a part, as far as I'm concerned.....and each can compliment another at a particular place and time. Your heart desires another child. Your wife is at risk should you choose to biologically reproduce again. Perhaps it is your part to play to be an adoptive parent now......

Assuming an ethical, legal and deliberate adoption.......you are never taking a child away from someone....

Just my opinion....

Sincerely,

Linny

[EmmaLeigh2882]

Never feel guilty for wanting to love and care for a child. God knows who should be the parent of which child- he will not allow you to have a child who might be meant for someone else... there are not enough loving and caring people for all the children in this world who need them...

[StorkWatcher]

If your concern about taking a child away from someone is because you already have one child, and you would hate to adopt a child which might have found a home with a childless couple, don't be.

While we were waiting, I sometimes wondered why people who already had other children were able to adopt more before we even adopted our first.

In so many situations now, a mother is able to choose the adoptive family for her child. And many people would want their child to have siblings. So someone might choose you in great part just because you already have a child. They know you already have experience in parenting. And that you know what it takes to raise a child. And that their child will not be an only child.

I also agree w/ EmmaLeigh about the right child being sent to you.

[kelceesmom]

I wouldn't feel guilty because you want to give a child a loving home. But remember they are wanted children but for what ever reason the bparents are not able to provide for that child at this time in their lives. God will put the right situation in front of you if it is meant to be. I commend you for thinking of giving a child a wonderful home. Good luck in your journey.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by julieandsteve

...we would give a home to an unwanted child

Who's unwanted? You want the child, don't you? Also, making an adoption plan doesn't mean the parents don't want the child. Even parents who abuse or neglect their children usually love them. They just aren't able to be good parents.

...but are we just taking a baby away from someone who does not have one.

No, you're not. I think the trick is to try to stop thinking of adoption as a zero-sum game. Think of it instead as a matching game. You just have to find the right parents for each child.

Where should we look to make a positive impact on a child, without feeling like we are hurting alot of wonderful people.

Who's hurt? More parents waiting to adopt means more choices when matching children and parents, and that means a better chance for a better match. That's better for the kids, and their needs trump the needs of the parents.

Others have already noted the advantages of experienced parents and having siblings, but they're worth repeating. By adopting, you start with two children who might each have grown up as only children, and instead they each have a sibling.

Having said all that, I think altruism is a poor reason to adopt. It may be part of the reason, but you should adopt because you want another child for yourself, for your wife, and for the child you already have. If that's true, and if you believe you can provide love and a good home to a child, then there's nothing to hold you back.

[momof6plus]

I felt the same way when we began our journey to foster-adopt. I felt as if I was being greedy or something. We have lots of kids around here and I kept thinking about all the people who didn't have any but wanted them.

I have gotton over that now and cannot wait to adopt. In my state there are over 100 kids that are waiting to be adopted and 4,000 in foster care.
Good Luck and go for it!

[sanielsen]

I always think that God puts things on your heart for a reason. Your baby will come to you in the right way. Don't feel as though you shouldn't adopt because you'd be taking a baby away from someone else, God doesn't work that way.

Good luck to you!

[linsybyster]

The PPs have echoed my own feelings. I have wrestled with so many questions of ethics/etc as my husband and I have considered adoption. I read a blog a while ago, by an adoptive mom, who said that people who are able to conceive should not feel guilty about adopting or "taking" a child from an infertile couple (even though, of course, we logically know that is not the case, it's hard to shake the feeling), because the more parents who are waiting to adopt, the more choices a BMom has. That made so much sense to me.
Also, I completely agree that God (or your chosen deity ) puts things in our heart for a reason - I have always felt that I need to adopt, and I just really believe that we are meant to have a second child and that he is waiting to come to us via adoption. If, by some miracle (I have an IUD so the chance is 2 in 1000) we became pregnant, I would just believe that he chose to come through pregnancy rather than adoption.
It is all in your perception. Good luck on your journey!