[CalandraLark]

I find in interesting how the factors so many people seem to find the most important (new born, amount of contact with bparents) were deffinately not the main ones I've considered. Granted I did consider them both to some extent, and I did conclude I'd really like to know a lot about the kid if I adopted much past 1 because of how critical the first two years are to a childs developement, but I never thought much about their importance to me it was all about finding out what I felt was the best for a child.

The things that really made me think about what "I" wanted were all about how much I would gain from one process or the other. International experience and my kids connection to their country vs. comfortable preporation for a new child without extra stress of travel and it's preperations. I did consider a lot of the other issues and possible instability of different types, but most of those waited untill I decided one way or the other then it was time to find a program or agency with better stability on the issue that bugged me the most.

I may still do a domestic adoption someday, but I do know that I'd learn more and enjoy the process of an international one more, at least the first time though. And that was the key point for me, other issues can be dealt with after this one. International vs. Domestic seems like one of the first to make then a lot of the little preference or worries. But thats j.ust my opinion.

[StorkWatcher]

My husband was 40 and I 33 when we adopted last year. We waited 8 months. THe wait could have been much shorter if we'd been matched with a biracial or AA child. The fact that you are open to different ethnicities should really reduce your possible wait time.

We chose domestic because we wanted to have a little more guarantee of the costs, and we couldn't afford to take off for travel time. Plus, I just could not stand the thought of being matched with a child, but not being able to be with him or her for several months while someone else cared for the baby! The process seemed to grueling.

Yet i know there would be some int'l adopters who chose int'l over domestic, for probably many of the very same reasons!

Fully closed adoptions are much less common in the States now. We have a semi-open adoption. We've not heard from our son's birthmom, but I send monthly letters and photos to the agency for her to have. One time we had a scare with an allergic reaction, and the agency was able to get in touch with his birthmom who answered a simple question for us. So while we don't really have contact, I feel very reassured that we can have someone contact her in case of an emergency.

[sherbear104]

Hi, I am new to this board and just getting started. Can anyone lead me in the right direction to some reputable agencys for both domestic and international. Thanks

[teranga]

The first thing you probably want to do is decide whether you'd like to adopt domestically or internationally. I don't know much (basically nothing!) about domestic adoption, but if you decide international, it is a good idea to start thinking about which country you'd like to adopt from. First decide the country, and THEN the agency, b/c there are agencies who are great in one country, and only mediocre in another, so to get valuable input from people on agencies, you need to know the country.

Some of the things to consider when choosing a country are:
-what culture do I want to be tied to and want to learn about for the rest of my life?
-what health issues am I more comfortable taking on than others (meaning...there is a higher incidence of FAS in E.Europe than in China. There is a higher incidence of lead poisoning in China than Ethiopia. There is a higher incidence of maternal malnutrition in Ethiopia than E.Europe...these sorts of things. Some people are more comfortable with a higher incidence of some things than others..)
-what is the time frame for adopting from that country?
-is travel required and if so, for how long
-also, cost if it's an issue for you
-what age child are you looking for? Is that age available in that country?
-do you have a gender preference and if so, will they allow you to choose the gender?
-what requirements does the country have, and do you meet them (some countries, for example, have family size limits. Others require proof that you are infertile, etc)

Those are some things to think about when considering an international adoption.

[sak9645]

Remember that there are as many types of international adoption as there are countries open to adoption. As an example:

1. While most international adoptions are closed, there are a few where you may actually meet the birthparents. As an example, Taiwan has a couple of programs in which the birthmother gets to choose the foreign family and may meet them. In Vietnam, birthparents sometimes come to the Giving and Receiving ceremony. In Guatemala, there have been occasional meetings with birthparents. Even with Russia, where adoptions are technically closed, you may find that you have paperwork with identifying information about the birthparents that you can choose (or not choose) to follow up on; however, the birthparents do not have such information on you.

2. With some countries, such as Korea, the foreign and U.S. paperwork can often be completed in time to bring a child home within the first year of life. With other countries, it may not be possible to adopt a child who is under age two.

3. Some countries, such as Colombia and Korea, want young married couples. If older parents can adopt at all, they must adopt significantly older children. Other countries are very open on age -- for example, Guatemala, Ethiopia, and China.

4. With most countries, children have been abandoned or totally relinquished before they are referred to families, and the chance of a fall-through because the birthparents decided to keep their child is minimal. However, some Guatemala agencies refer a child at birth, even though the birthmother will still have to sign relinquishment papers at four different points during the process, and some birthmothers will decide not to go through with the adoption. Also, with some countries, such as Russia, a referral can be withdrawn right up until the foreign family goes to court to finalize, if a domestic family decides to adopt the child.

In short, research countries before deciding if international adoption is for you. You may find a country that is a perfect fit, as I did. Or you may decide that you would do better with domestic adoption.

Sharon

[sak9645]

And, oh yes, about age.

It is true that older parents sometimes do better with international adoption. However, you do not qualify as "older". The statement pertains mainly to people over age 45 or 50, who are often turned away for domestic adoption because agencies have plenty of younger families and birthparents tend to prefer placing with younger parents.

I adopted my wonderful daughter from China when I was 51 and single. It would have been much harder for me to adopt domestically, although I didn't even consider going that route; I knew from minute one that my daughter was to be found in China.

Sharon