[carolinih]

Hi all. My DH and I want to adopt a child and I have recently begun treatment for depression. I had to have a hysterectomy which has left me very depressed. I was curious if anyone knew if they frowned upon prospective parents with depression. Thank you.

[Sush67]

I also am being treated for depression for infertility. The home study agency wanted it stated from my doctor that it is primarily from being childless, which it is. Hope this helps!

[carolinih]

I think mine is a combination of being childless and being thrown into instant menopause at 38. It has been a rough couple of years. I am so worried this will inhibit my chances of adopting. I am also a recovering alcoholic, sober for 4 years, so I have a lot stacked against me.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by carolinih

I think mine is a combination of being childless and being thrown into instant menopause at 38. It has been a rough couple of years. I am so worried this will inhibit my chances of adopting. I am also a recovering alcoholic, sober for 4 years, so I have a lot stacked against me.

I am so sorry it's been a rough couple of years. You should be proud of yourself for being sober for 4 years! That's AWESOME! I personally don't think either of these two factors would inhibit your chances.

The questions you need to ask yourself are the following. Are you emotionally and financially stable? Can you provide a good loving, warm, safe and secure enviornment for a baby? Is your marriage stable? These are the things that are looked at when your going through your homestudy.

Good luck!
Julie

[carolinih]

Hi Julie! I was beginning to think no one wanted to talk to me. lol

My husband and I have been married for 21 years. I should add that I am 40 years old, another card stacked against me. My husband is 42. We have a lovely, large home and we are financially stable. We are Christians and we are about as emotionally stable as anyone else I suppose. My depression does stem from the hormone imbalance because it didn't really come up until my hysterectomy. I am trying to get balanced with HRT, though it is taking its good sweet time. I have put off pursuing adoption because of this and because quite frankly I'm scared to death. I'm worried about rejection I guess. I know it's silly and I have to face my fears. I know that some people will prejudge me because of the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic and I have family members who are alcoholics.

My husband and I would be terrific parents and we have so much love to give. I guess I just need some encouragement to get going. With the alcohol issue, the depression, and our ages, it's not goint to be easy. I'm just trying to be realistic in my expectations. Thanks for your reply! It means so much to have an encouraging word.

[kidmd2b]

I am new to adoption and don't know a lot, but here are my feelings on the matter. It is true that you have a couple of things stacked against you, but you also have a lot going for you. I think that you can show things from an angle of what you have overcome and that you were willing to get help when you were having a problem. You should probably contact several agencies and have a discussion with each about your details as to if they are a deal breaker. This can be done either via phone or email correspondence before you officially apply. You should also ask (depending on Domestic vs. International) if there are countries you would be eligible or ineligible for. You may be pleasantly surprised and they may tell you that you just need to get a letter from a doctor or therapist endorsing the fact that your conditions will not get in the way of effectively parenting and that they are under control. If you really want to adopt, don't give up. You just need to find the agency and program that will work for you.
Good luck,
Cindy

[StorkWatcher]

Hey Carolinih -

Just wanted to pop in and say 40 being a negative - that's crazy! But I know how you feel. My hubby is 41 and was very worried last year that it would count against him. Fortunately, many expectant moms are hoping to find parents for their child that are mature and established. So negative for some, but a HUGE plus for others!

Also - regarding the depression and alcholism. This may be something you'll have in common with your future child's birthmom! An expectant mother may look at your history and think that - hey. If my kid ever has problems, his/her parents will understand from their experience and know how to deal with this. Or, she may feel more comfortable choosing you if she is/has had these things in her life also.

And you never know what might draw someone to you - it may be something off the wall that seems little, but is important enough to someone else that they overlook these things you feel might be hurting your chances of adoption.

I think someone already mentioned that you may just be required to fill out a couple forms for your agency/attorney about your medical history. Just be honest about everything up front, and it shouldn't be a problem.

So never fear - your child is out there somewhere, and I bet you'll be matched to the right people at the right time!!!!

[intladoptionblog]

International adoption is an option, as well. Your age is not an issue so you can take that one off the list of worries. Treated depression can be addressed, as can the alcohol history.

I'm 55 in a few days and have kids 37, 35, 3.75 and 15 months. The oldest are bio, the youngest each adopted at 13 weeks from Cambodia.