[drmMYownDreamz]

I'm 18 years old and I'm 7 months pregnant. I'm giving the baby up for adoption and I don't know much about it. I have a lot of questions.

-What's the best way to go through agency or attorney? -Is there a difference?
-Is one safer then the other?
-Is it hard choosing the right parents?

Anyone has any advice that would be great and very, VERY helpful to me. Thank you!

-Jenn

[babydubs5]

Hi there. I would suggest calling around and checking out a few places, both attorneys and agencies and see which one "suits" you best.

I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

[BrandyHagz]

Jenn,

I just wanted to let you know that it is against the rules for members of this forum to contact you and even offer to pass on their profile or to send you the URL to their 'hoping to adopt website'.

If you've been sent a PM like this, please forward it to me so I can take action.

These forums are to be a safe place for all members who come here - we don't allow solicitation, from either side, to take place.

I've deleted one post from this thread which crosses that line...please let me know if you've contact by PM by anyone else!

[MommyBear]

One suggestion - please think about which option will afford you the best counseling and support through the process. You are going to need honest and selfless people to lean on - its not just about placing your child - its about entrusting yourself to people.

This goes for you and for the the adoptive parents - make sure that they receive adequate counseling as well - this will help a LOT as you build your relationship (particularly if you would liek an open adoption!)

I wish you the best in your decision.

[drmMYownDreamz]

BrandyHagz, Thank You for that information. I haven't recieved any PM from anyone. No one has sent me their profiles or anything along those lines. If they do then I will contact you right away.

[katgravchuleta]

drmyowndrms,
You could try your local church pastor/youth pastor of any church, or crisis pregnancy centers (mostly church ran), or they usually have a social worker/ counselor at your area hospital that can give you a few options also, they deal with CYFD organizations, attorneys, agencies etc... They can also give you feedback as to whether the bmoms they have worked with used agencies or other ways, and which ones seem to work best. Good Luck to you in your search, I know God will bless you with the right people for both you and your child, I will keep you in my prayers,
God Bless you and your child
Katgravchuleta
Brian & Kathy married 13 years,
2 bio kids later,
homestudy done 5/06
Just waiting for our miracle to come!

[tobeafamily]

Jenn,

I would be sure first to engage the services of an attorney who will represent only your interests. Most will do this 'pro bono' - i.e. no fee. You can find attorneys experienced in adoption through the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys www.adoptionattorneys.com. Click member search then your state for attorney members nearby.

It's very important that you understand your rights and responsibilities. It's also very important that *any* and *all* professionals behave ethically. You should never feel pressured to choose one way or another, nor should you feel they are judging you or making you feel bad about yourself and whatever you decide - parent or place.

I'd only work with licensed professionals as you know then they've had to meet some education, training and auditing requirements. In almost every state a 'facilitator' could be anyone.

Lastly, I thought I'd share some tips Kay Green at PreciousKids posted about adoptive parent 'scams':

Adoptive Parent Scams
It seems that birth moms also need to look for warning signs that adoptive parents may not be able to work with them or will not follow through with the agreed upon contact. I have heard from several birth moms who have had this happen. If you are a birth mom looking for a family for your child watch for these possible warning signs.

1. A family that tells you how much contact they want after the birth then change it when you tell them it is different than you need.

2. A family that makes demands rather than requests.

3. A family that does not return your emails or phone calls.

4. A family that seems like they are desperate and will do anything to get your baby.

Adoptive families we need to be certain to care about the feeling and needs of birth mothers. These incredible woman give us gifts of life. Please be sensitive and caring about them not just the baby they carry. Also live up to word of what you agreed to after the adoption (pictures, visits, etc.). I have talked to many birth moms devastated because after the adoption the adoptive family stopped sending photos and letters or refused the visits. Please give you word and keep your word!

Best of luck no matter what your choice here. It is perfectly OK for you to decide to raise your child, as it is for you to decide to have other people raise them. You are the only person who understands your situation. We're all here to share our experiences, knowledge, and support.

Take care,

Regina

[ourdreamcametru]

I would suggest seeing an attorney who would represent only you but can also offer advice as to which route might be best suited to you and your expectations. Lots of people go to adoptions agencies and have a wonderful experience, on both sides I am sure. We adopted our daughter privately and used an attorney and wouldn't change a thing about our experience. Also, someone suggested talking to someone at your church which is a great idea, I would also suggest talking to your doctor or nurse becasue they many know of women who come to their practice who can't have a child biologically. Best of luck and I hope you find wonderful parents for your child.

[akcskye]

Jenn-

I agree with the posters here.

And ty Brandy for bringing that up, it was my first thought until I saw your post.

First thing Jenn...make sure this is YOUR decision. Not your parents, not the fathers, not an agencies...YOURS.

You and you alone will know whether you really think you can parent your baby.

I know that 18 is young, but many women your age and younger have moved on to successfully parent their child.

Then, be fully prepared, once you see your baby in your arms, to have all sorts of doubts and confusion, and have to remake your decision again.

I only bring this up because most of the birth mothers I've met through a.com had a firm decision to adopt a lot earlier into the pregnancy, which makes me think you're being given some "outside influence".

Then, on whether you should choose an agency or a private attorney. From what I've learned, that depends upon whether you have any good prospects for a family already, or if you need help finding one.

An agency is a great place if you need help finding a family that can give your baby the life you feel it needs and would possibly be lacking with you.

A private attorney is great if you already have a family picked out, and do not want the family to have the costs of agency involvement.

I'm not sure if any of this helps you, but I wanted to say I COMMEND you on loving your baby so much that you are concerned about taking care of his/her needs now, and considering adoption rather than taking the "easy way out" and having an abortion (which is what many adoptive parents view an abortion as).

BEST of luck to you sweetie...I will say a prayer for you and little one tonight.

Originally Posted by drmMYownDreamz

I'm 18 years old and I'm 7 months pregnant. I'm giving the baby up for adoption and I don't know much about it. I have a lot of questions.

-What's the best way to go through agency or attorney? -Is there a difference?
-Is one safer then the other?
-Is it hard choosing the right parents?

Anyone has any advice that would be great and very, VERY helpful to me. Thank you!

-Jenn

[mylovebug]

Hi Jenn, I would spend some time researching all the avenues, just calling all adoption attorneys for info, make a few calls to agency's for info, and speaking to a pastor is a great idea that someone mentioned. Alot of time church pastors have counseled with some of their members who are wishing to adopt and don't want to go down the wrong path, So that is a good option. While reading profiles of couples who wish to adopt keep in mind, stay intuned to what you feel. I have heard of so many bmothers who read over so many profiles that were good but they just knew by there instincts which one was the one to place with. When you finally find the right family, you should be confident in them. Hopefully if you chose an open adoption they will meet all of your needs in fulfilling their part. I really hope you find the best family for your baby and that everything goes smoothe, especially your labor. Please keep in touch and know that everyone here will be encouraging and supportive. I want you to know that I am praying for you to have peace during this, and that everything isn't so overwhelming.

[MichelleL11]

Jenn:

You need to find a person to work with that you are comfortable with that you can trust to help you find the information you need to make informed decisions. This person might be an attorney or might be associated with an agency. You could try calling a few of each and see if one of the group seems particularly helpful and non-pressuring and easy for you to talk to.

Picking a family may be difficult, but keep in mind that there are many families out there looking to grow their family through adoption -- so if you don't see a family that feels right to you, you should keep looking. I also think that the person you connect with will have some helpful suggestions about the selection process as well -- that could even be a question you could ask when trying to figure out who you want to work with.

In any case, best wishes in finding someone out there you feel good about working with and I do hope that they can direct you to the family you are looking for. No matter what you decide, I wish you well.

Michelle

[Courty]

Hi Jenn! I agree with all of what the above posters have said. I wanted to wish you well as you are making difficult decisions. I hope all the best for you and your baby!

[hope2bmommyagain]

Jenn,
Just wanted to say good luck! I hope you find a route that is the most comfortable for you. An attorney could assist with a private adoption and you could have more control in picking the adoptive parents. If you choose to go with an agency, you may have less control, but the guidance would be there since you feel you may not be able to choose the parents.

It's OK to be confused and it's even OK if you change your mind and decent to parent. Don't get overwhelmed. I am sure whatever you decide will work out fine in the end!

Joanne

[hopetoadoptblog2]

Jenn -
I am one of the bloggers for adoption.com and I just wrote a blog entry about a great website for women who are deciding whether or not to place their children for adoption: www.birthmombuds.com. The women who created it are both birthmoms and there is a ton of information and support on that site. It might be a good place to check out your options -
Hope this helps!
Adrienne