[MarcandSue03]

This is such a sensitive subject, and yet it is one we must address in one way or another. Have any of you had to write such a letter? and how did you go about writting it? Did you write "dear birth mom"? "dear friend"? what is the best way to address this subject? What would the birth mom want to hear from us or know about us? Any suggestions all are welcome. Thanks Sue

[DreamingAzure]

Personally I wouldn't start it off with anything more then "HI! we are A. & B. C." I wouldn't put any more of a greeting on it then that. BUT that's me lol some people are very comfortable with the whole "Dear Bmother" heading.


Write from your heart, and try not to write what you THINK pbparents want to hear. I know it's a big temptation...but try not it. It just makes things harder in the end.

Best of Luck!!

[mommamarci]

I started ours: 'Dear Expectant parents considering adoption' Kinda long, I know. Also, I remember our agency said to keep it upbeat. Don't talk about your fertility struggles or any failed adoption attempts. Talk about what you can offer the child: you have pets, travel often, close family, college education in child's future, etc. We were told these are the things potential birthmoms want to hear. They want to know that the child will get all the best chances in life to experience a lot. Also touch on what your parenting philosophy will be. Hope this helps!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by mommamarci

I started ours: 'Dear Expectant parents considering adoption' Kinda long, I know.

You have NO IDEA how much that little line (or variations thereof) makes your letter stand out.

[saransp]

Hi,

We have a rough draft and we started ours with 'Hi and thanks for reading our letter'

I got lots of inspiration from www.parentprofiles.com which has over 300 real birthparent letters.

I also read Reaching Out which is a great book about how to write your ** letter.

Hope this helps and good luck
HUgs
Saran

[saransp]

Ooops I have now idea why there are stars in my last email - I wasn't swearing honest I wanted to type birthmom letter but hey technology this early in the morning doesn't always work

hugs
saran

I

[crick]

Saran - our system automatically stars out the initials b & m together. A lot of birth mothers find this term offensive because it also stands for bowel movement. We know it's not anyone's meaning or intent when posting it, but to avoid any offense, we do have the system star it out.

To avoid it, just type out bmom.

[MarcandSue03]

You all have been so helpful..... I didn't want to say anything offencive or anything that could be taken wrong. I would never intend for that to happen. I am such a soft person by nature, that I can't help but be concernd for other people, you know ~ what they think and how they feel. I also don't want to sound foolish. Anyway thanks

[happygmom]

Have an English major review your letter for spelling and grammer - don't trust your agency. Trust me on this. Not all expectant parents exploring adoption are uneducated.

Other that that - just be the genuine, loving people that you are.

Happy G'Ma

[MarcandSue03]

you are so smart.... and with all my typos I could use the help LOL I am a social worker major not an english major LOL you would think I would know what to write but they don't teach us that.

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by MarcandSue03

you are so smart.... and with all my typos I could use the help LOL I am a social worker major not an english major LOL you would think I would know what to write but they don't teach us that.

Now you are cracking me up! LOL

Seriously, I can't believe the letters with errors that agencies and facilitators let slip into circulation. When there are so many to review (like reviewing resumes), any little slip can be fatal.

Okay, how did I do? Now I am paranoid about typos!

Good luck,

Happy G'Ma

[kakuehl]

I blame the computer age for more typos! Back in the days when I used a manual typewriter and eraseable bond paper, I was VERY careful to make as few mistakes as possible... Now I'm horrified to read what I write!

Sue, you asked what expectant parents might want to know. I was in college at the time I placed my first born. While I had no choice of prospective parents at that time, it was comforting for me to know that both adoptive parents were collge grads. The husband was a pastor and the wife a social worker. If I had had a choice, I would have looked for adoptive parents who seemed to have a similar background to my own and with similar values. Perhaps tell a bit about your family.

It's really an interesting subject for me to think about as a bmom from the closed adoption era.

Blessings,
Kathy

[Free_to_be_me]

When you are starting the letter, make sure you include for the possibility of birth fathers being involved. When we were looking through the letters, my boyfriend and I both were turned off by letters that were only addressed to me, the birthmother.

[Montraviatommyg]

If you're writing to an expectant mum then I would personally refrain from using "birth" as she isn't a birth mother until she relinquishes ... suggestions above are good tho' .

Pip

[Joanna369]

Hello! Not sure if this is OK to post, after all it IS shameless self promotion, but I have a business creating profiles with hopeful adoptive parents. I am an adoptee, adoptive mom and former adoption agency staff. I now work through agency referrals (or with the public- you can contact me through my website).
I agree with the sentiments given above. I have read literally hundreds of letters, and most of the time when I finish I couldn't tell you a thing about the couple. It seems everyone lives in a wonderful community, everyone values education, and everyone has a 'loving Christian home'. The hardest- and most important- part of writing your letter is figuring out what really, truly makes your family unique. What makes you different from your neighbors? What do you have to offer besides the usual list? Sometimes having good friends and family help is enough, sometimes you may want to look to a professional.
The other thing to keep in mind is that you shouldn't try to be appealing to EVERY potential birthparent, you should be trying to represent yourself honestly and creatively so that a potential birthparent looking for a family JUST LIKE YOU can find you. So often I talk with clients and they mention "oh, we were out riding our Harley's this weekend" or some such thing, but this really cool information is nowhere to be seen in the profile they are sharing with me. "Oh, well, we don't want to turn birthparents off" is the response. My answer is that you are entering into a sacred covenant with a birthparent- enter into it with honesty! And besides, for every birthparent that is turned off (and some will be!) there are others that will be drawn to your hobby.

Best of luck to you on your journey- Joanna