[linsybyster]

Hi everyone,
I've already learned a bit reading the posts on here. My name is Lindsay and I'm 24, my husband is Justan and he is 28. We have been married almost 2 years, together 6, and just had our first baby in December (biological). Please forgive me if I don't use the right terms, this is still pretty new to me. Anyway, we have talked about adopting in the past, not because of fertility issues but because it is something we are interested in. I personally have wanted to adopt a child or children since I was a child myself. I have a hard time explaining why. I think originally I felt like there were just so many kids out there who needed loving homes, and the idea of adopting has always stuck with me and seemed right. Our baby girl, Neko, was unexpected but obviously a very welcome surprise. She is just amazing. We are not looking to adopt right away; Neko is only 3 months old and it's still too soon. But we have started talking about it and have kind of decided to see what happens as time goes on. We are open to the idea and so I have decided to start doing some research.
I notice that it is unusual for someone to adopt if they are able to conceive. We have no fertility problems that we are aware of but rather would be using birth control to not get pregnant, while adopting. I'm curious if this is really strange or if anyone else has chosen to do this?
I'm sure I'll be lurking around here, reading and responding, though I don't know much so far. I look forward to getting to know you all!

~Lindsay
Mommy to Neko (12/20/05)

[ourdreamcametru]

Welcome, I'm sure you will learn a lot here! I don't think it is all that unusual to adopt when you can still have bio children at all. There are several people on here who have do it so hopefully they will respond. We were able to have bio children and do have two bio boys ages 15 and 11. By the time we adopted our daughter I was not able to have anymore children because of medical problems but we were really not looking to adopt it just happened. We joke that we didn't adopt Castle, she adopted us! We were there through the final three months of the preg. and in the room for the birth but there are plenty of older children who need a loving family too so you just have to decide what is right for your family-- or maybe it will decide and come to you!

Kelley

[mom2justynsarah]

Lindsay,

I think that you wanting to adopt is a wonderful way to create a family. Regardless of the fact that you are fertile, makes no difference in the life of a child.

I conceived my son (who is now 7) through IVF (in vitro fertlization). That was like a once in a million chance. I am so lucky to have been blessed with my son.

For baby # 2, we were led to open adoption. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences in my life. I love my daughter with every fiber in my body! It makes NO difference whatsover that I did not physically give birth to her. She is my heart and soul. It was meant to be.

I guess what I am saying is go with your heart. There are many of us who have bio children & adopted ones. The only thing is we can't remember which is which. LOL!

Don't hesitiate or feel weird in any way. I think it's great that you fertile. But I also think it's great you want to adopt. Either way, go for it! It's been an awesome experience for me.

God bless,
Julie

[bethm95]

We have 2 boys ( biologically) but we have always talked about adopting a child at some point. We feel like now is the time. I had difficult pregnancies both times, especially with the second one so I had my tubes tied 3 years ago. We love our children very much and want to share that love with a little boy who needs a home.

[linsybyster]

Thank you so much, Kelley, Julie, and Beth! I love the recurring theme on this board of being "led" to a child, or, as you said Kelley, Castle adopting you! We really feel that if adoption does turn out to be right for us, then it is kind of out of our hands. We believe that there are children out there for us and they will find us however they need to, whether through a pregnancy (of mine) or adoption. Since Neko was an unplanned surprise, we feel like she just knew when she needed to come, and she couldn't have come at a better time. LOL, she of course was more wise than us! Anyway, I really look forward to spending some time on this board; already I have read some of the stories and my heart just skips a beat at how things always work out! I love hearing about the miracles and synchronicity.

~Lindsay

[linsybyster]

Thanks Kelley, Julie and Beth. (I actually wrote out a whole long reply but something went wrong and it wouldn't post, then was deleted. ) The gist of it was that I love the underlying theme of synchronicity I have noticed so far on this board, and that my husband and I feel that if adoption turns out to be right for us, we will be led to it; that the child(ren) will find us. After all, even Neko came when she wanted to, not when we planned to have a child, and we feel that she knew better than us! So we know that we will find the answer, whatever it may be. I love reading about the miracles on this board and look forward to spending time here!
~Lindsay

[linsybyster]

Okay, oops, it did post. hehe. I am still getting used to the format of this board.

[randloar]

There was another thread on this not all that long ago that you might want to read, its at:
Adoption by couples WITHOUT fertility issues

I think that unfortunately even though it is your choice to adopt without having fertility issues, this is going to lead to getting more "grief" from people questioning your decision (I think its great, and is your families choice, so who am I to question). But I say this because we have chosen adoption with no bio kids but having unexplained infertility (never tried the treatments out there), and this just drives people nuts that we aren't "doing everything we can to have our own kids"......when I choose to clarify that these kids will be our own, they just don't get it.........
Hang in there and listen to your heart!!!

[LisaCA]

just wanted to say welcome!

we made our decision to adopt many, many years ago. we assumed we could conceive but didn't feel the need. I think there are many who are like that.

you may get some grief from family members who are kind of clueless (worrying about other people's genes for example), but hold your ground and do what you feel is best for your family. many of the not so bright can be educated, lol.

and it's good to start the research about adoption early. There are decisions to be made (international/domestic, agency/fosteradopt/atty, and what not), and there's some time for you to think things thru. Plus, you'll be amazed how quickly time flies with your little one. seems like yesterday dd was only 3 months old, now she's 20 months and doing stuff for herself .

[berni]

well im new to this but im in need of some direction at the age of 19 i had a abortion because i wasnt stable and wasnt ready for the responsibily of haveing a child well now i just turned 21 and im pregnat now im only 3 weeks along and im not sure of what to do if there is one thing i know i cant have a child right nowand my boyfriend feels the same way i just dont no what to do and laned here the searching for some answers i live in ny and really need some direction some one please help me

[linsybyster]

I just wanted to post a quick update because I'm excited. I was thinking (meditating, sort of) on the idea of adoption the other night before going to sleep, and something clicked in my mind. I thought to myself that if we do adopt, open adoption might be the right route for us. So I talked it over with my husband today and he was very open, even enthusiastic, about it. His ex-girlfriend is the bmom of a child in an open adoption, and at the time she was pregnant, they thought the baby was my husband's; but the DNA test showed she was not. Regardless, my husband held her when she was born and visited her a few times, and open adoption is something he feels really good about. So, IF we in fact end up adopting, we are one step closer! (LOL, though ANYTHING is one step closer from not starting) I think next I will read some books on the topic. Does anyone have any recommendations for books that involve the personal stories of people who have been touched by adoption? I think reading stuff like that would help me to sort things out further.

Thanks again for your responses, everyone!