[tycunha]

Hi, I have a 4 1/2 year old biological son, my husband and I are just starting the process of considering adoption, because of medical reasons it is recommended that I not have another birth child. I was wondering if anyone else has a bio first and adopted child second and how that is working, how the first child accepted it, etc.... My husband is worried that he would feel differently, which is making him question if we should pursue this or surrogacy. I feel like surrogacy is a huge if??? And a lot to go thru when we already have a bio child, why not help another child in need. I believe that we will not compare the two and love them both equally, however I appreciate his honesty and was wondering if about others experiences?

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by tycunha

Hi, I have a 4 1/2 year old biological son, my husband and I are just starting the process of considering adoption, because of medical reasons it is recommended that I not have another birth child. I was wondering if anyone else has a bio first and adopted child second and how that is working, how the first child accepted it, etc.... My husband is worried that he would feel differently, which is making him question if we should pursue this or surrogacy. I feel like surrogacy is a huge if??? And a lot to go thru when we already have a bio child, why not help another child in need. I believe that we will not compare the two and love them both equally, however I appreciate his honesty and was wondering if about others experiences?

My son was conceived via IVF (in vitro fertilization). I have no fallopian tubes due to multiple ectopic pregnancys. We attempted one more try for baby # 2 when he was 18 months old. But we were unsuccesful (and a whole lot poorer).

Adoption was always an option for us. When my son was 6 years old, we adopted our beautiful baby girl through open adoption. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful this experience has been for us!! She is such a welcome addition to our family. What a blessing!

She is now 15 months old and the light of our lives!!! I can't begin to tell you what a little princess she is!! The relationship between her and her brother is so wonderful to see! He is SO protective of her!

My son loves HIS baby sister to death!! He never thinks any different of her. It's as if she was always his sister. It makes no difference at all that she she grew in another mommy's tummy.

She in turn thinks he is just the king of the world! She follows him everywhere. She jumps all over him. Her eyes light up when he walks into the room. One of her first words was "bro bro" (brother).

Have no fear, treat both of them the same way with the same fierce love. Families are brought together in so many different ways. This is how our family became. It is meant to be!

[lifeadoption]

Welcome! We have two bio sons, ages 4 and 2 when we decided to adopt. I was diagnosed with a heart condition and it was highly recommended that I not go through another pregnancy. We adopted my daughter, domestically, in 2002. Honestly, my husband had the same exact concerns. He would admit to you now, that he was never so wrong in his life. He adores her and feels just as attached to her as he does to the boys. I agree with the first person who responded to your post. Giving birth is one way to bring a child into your family. Adoption is not second best to that, it is just another way.

Good luck and feel free to ask any questions.

Lisa

[ourdreamcametru]

We have two wonderful bio sons who were 10 and 14 when we adopted our daughter at birth two years ago this May. Our sons were much older so I don't know that it will help you but they are head over heels in love with their baby sister! I don't think bio children of any age would feel any different having a sibling that is adopted than they would having one that is bio. I think there is an adjustment period anytime you add to a family.

[ourdreamcametru]

I think I misunderstood your question! If you are asking about your husband feeling differently about an adopted child the answer is the same! My husband never felt this way but I have to admit during the wait when I was so worried and having mixed emotions the thought did cross my mind. I would look at babies in magazines and wonder if I could love that baby if our adopted baby looked like this or that. In the end she was our baby and we think she is perfect!

[lifeadoption]

Wow! You pretty much are our story! We have two boys. When my 2nd was born, I was diagnosed with a heart condition that prohibited us from having additional children. We adopted a daughter when they were 4yrs and 2yrs. My husband was VERY concerned that he would not be able to love her the way that he loves the boys. First of all, the boys accepted our daughter there was nothing unusual about it. Oddly for us, we had not even mentioned adoption to them, as we expected to wait at least a year. When we got "the call" 3 weeks after our Home Study was completed, we were quite shocked. Since she was born in Idaho, there is no revocation period after the birthmom signs. So ... we decided to tell them we were just going on a little trip (to protect them emotionally). We called them the night before we flew home (after the papers were signed). They acted like it was totally normal We expected a huge transition, and, honestly, their was virtually none. As for my hubby ... hmmm ... she has him wrappped around her little finger. He is madly, deeply, unquestionably in love with her! Hope that helps! Sorry! Just realized I double posted on this topic.