[wilsot]

I am new here & this is my first post so bear with me. My husband & I have been dealing with infertility our entire marriage (7 years). We did fertility treatments first, then looked into adoption (where we ended up fostering 2 kids for a year). After that experience, we quit focusing on kids. Well, now we are in our mid-30's.

A wonderful opportuntity has come our way due to word of mouth. We found out about a birthmother who was working with a private attorney planning to give her twins up for adoption. We submitted our profile and found out today that she is going to interview us & two other couples. We meet this Sunday with her.

My question is about the meeting. She would bring anything (card, gift, etc). Is this anything in particular that might make a difference? Should we dress up? If anyone has any advice, I would surely appreciate it. I'm so nervous & excited all at once, but I want to make sure we do this right.

[Mommy24]

Wilsot...First Congrats!!! It is normal to be nervous, but just be yourself. Remember that just as you are nervous so is your Potential Birthmom.
I dont think you need to bring her anything except your love and support. Again Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Michelle

P.S. Just noticed also that you are new to the Forums, Welcome aboard, Lots of good advice and support around here. Glad you are here.

[scarlet52698]

No don't bring anything, that might give the wrong impression. Just be yourself and dress like you would if you were meeting any other friend.

Good luck

[kelceesmom]

I don't think you should bring anything except maybe a picture or 2 of your family now so she might see the support group you have with you. Congrats to you. We are in the process of finalizing ourselves.
Denice

[ourdreamcametru]

Welcome to the boards!
When we met with our daughter's birthmother for the first time we took a few pictures of our bio boys and of my husband and myself. We just felt that it might help for her to have something to look at while she was making her decision. Our birthmother is/was young so we chose not to dress up but wore jeans and a nice shirt so that we were on her level and made her feel comfortable--good thing, she showed up in her pj's!
Good luck and keep us posted!

Kelley

[dixiebaby65]

Its A Scary Thing The First Meetng. I Am A Birth Mother And I Didnt Meet My Adop. Parents Till After I Had My Baby But They Were Wonderful. Goes As You Are Dont Try To Impress Or Out Do Anyone.

[StorkWatcher]

Welcome and good luck!

Dress casually. I would not bring anything like a gift (that can be misconstrued or even considered illegal). Pictures of your family are a great idea!

Just bring a list of things you want to talk about, as you might find your head is swimming during the meeting and you can't remember everything!

Be prepared to do a little chitchat to get to know each other before you break into the big topics.

[wilsot]

Thanka for the advice. I was thinking something like flowers or a card. Something simple. I wanted a card to express something like we appreciate your time & meeting us. Something very simple. But, you don't think that is appropriate?

We will dress casual then - I think that is probably a good idea.

I think I will try to get pictures together to take with us. I just don't want to blow it - I'm sure you know what I mean. She is meeting two other couples, so what is going to make us stand out?

[scarlet52698]

She is meeting two other couples, so what is going to make us stand out?

Try not to worry about standing out, if this is the child that is meant to be yours it will happen. Being open and honest about who you are with the pbmom will be what makes you stand out. KWIM?

I know your nerves must be shot, hang in there and remember to breathe

[wilsot]

I understand that God has a plan for our lives & if it is his will, we will be chosen as parents for these children. I just wanted to make sure I could do anything and everything to make the meeting sucessful.

Obviously, I would never try to be fake or present ourselves as something we are not, but I just wanted to know if there was anything I can do to make things go smoother. I think the photos are a great idea - anything else?

[kelceesmom]

It sounds like you are on a great track. Write down questions prior to going so you you don't forget what you want to ask. You are right it will happen when it is supposed to. Don't put all your faith in that this is the one. You will drive yourself insane. Have a good time and like you said be open and honest which is what you want from her.

[LisaCA]

I think photos are nice, you know, the ones with all the family and friends. Just be yourself, don't try to impress (things like that can be easily misinterpreted as bragging and whatnot). And don't promise anything you can't deliver. If she asks for something like say "very open adoption, meeting with child 4x a year," give yourself time to think about it. Don't just automatically say "yes" if you're not sure. A match made out of truth is a much better match and one that is more likely to be successful over the long haul.

I found it helpful to have a short statement about ourselves and I had a few questions in my mind so that if she had no questions I could come up with some to get the conversation going. Sometimes both families are just so scared of saying the "wrong" thing that nothing is said, like an awkward first date, lol. Probably no need to bring anything. If you bring flowers make them very simple . good luck,

Lisa

[taramayrn]

I suggest bringing more pictures of you and your life. And be yourself!! She'll be so nervous too.

[wilsot]

We met with the birthmother yesterday. Our visit lasted about 40 minutes & went well overall. She met with one couple before us & one after us. She told the attorney she was very impressed with us. Unfortunately, she chose the last couple she met with. The birthmother chose the last couple because the wife pleaded with her (according to the attorney). I think it was an emotional decision on the birthmother’s part rather then a logical one. Obviously, with as many people as we had praying for us, I know it just wasn’t God’s will so I’m dealing with it. If I just didn’t let me emotions get in the way, I’d be doing wonderful. This is just such an emotional rollercoaster.

Thanks for the support and advice. I don't think I could have done anything differently because I never would have pleaded or begged. My mother made the cutest albums for us to take - one with family & one with her miniature horses & donkeys. It was so cute. I'm thankful the help there. I took a card that basically said "Bless you for taking your time, energy & of yourself. Many Thanks". It was simple & I wrote a little in it letting her know we appreciated the opportunity to meet with her.

I wanted the birthmother to make a decision based on the best parents for the children so I think we did everything we could & it just didn't work out this time. I think maturity had alot to do with it, but now we move on.