[AwaitingBeloved]

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I could have done things differently in the research stage of getting started on our adoption journey.

We're in the process of a domestic open adoption, hopefully, one day soon... but I keep thinking about our decision and other people's decisions, too.

I've seen people post why they are so passionate about their China/Ethiopa/Guatemala/Russia, etc adoption, and others post why they are passionate about their domestic adoption.

What I'm hoping to sort of create here is a reference thread for people making decisions (and hopefully for us sometime in the future, but that's so unsure at this moment for us) that will help educate each other about the pros and cons of each kind of adoption.

Could you share what kind of adoption you're pursuing, why you chose this kind of adoption, and what you would do differently (if anything)? If you can include pros/cons of your situation, or pros/cons of other kinds of adoptions that you considered but decided not to pursue, that would be helpful, too.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Ok, I'll start.

We decided on domestic open adoption. We chose an agency by word of mouth referrals. At that time, the most important thing was the legitimacy of the adoption, and the most legal way to go. Of the agencies we looked at, they were all around the same ballpark for fees.

We considered int'l adoption. But only briefly. DH and I both have significant fears about flying. We figured somehow that if we had to fly domestically, it wouldn't be as traumatic as flying over an ocean. (Why this seemed logical to us, makes no sense to us now.)

We did consider Guatemala adoption. I think the only reason we didn't pursue that is because we didn't know anyone who went that route, and therefore had no word of mouth referrals. We also made our decision before I found this great resource here at adoption.com.

Pros for our situation, we'll hopefully have placement of a newborn, or a young infant. We'll be able to have the option of maintaining open communication with birthparents, unless they decide to close the adoption.

Cons for our situation, the fees. That's really it. And, the wait is longer than in some int'l adoptions it seems. But not always.

If we were to do this again, I think what we'd do differently is look more seriously at using a facilitator and atty instead of an agency. We would do significant research on the different options and the fees associated with them. We would look more seriously at Int'l adoption.

[wishinonastar]

We chose domestic adoption because it felt right. We didn't sit down and make a pros and cons list, although that is an excellent idea. When DH and I started discussing adoption both of our guts, souls, and hearts led us to domestic adoption.

[jenniegoetz]

My husband and I chose international adoption for many reasons. We live in the Ithaca area and were able to attend an adoption forum. It was great because it gave us information regarding both international and domestic adoption. Domestic adoption to us was not a way we wanted to go. Many reasons for this were, birthparents wanting child back, keeping in contact of the child, how long it takes for the process, and no one we knew had a good experience with domestic adoption.

international is quicker than domestic (for the most part), I have an under graduate degree in East Asian Studies (China). China seemed logical (though depends on what day it is, if my husband wants the chinese program or another one). My husbands aunt and uncle adopted a daughter from Guatamala, which has given us some insite onto the processes.

I used many resources to choose which agency we will use. I typed in adoption and found this amazing website. Then found a listing of agencies and had information sent to our home. The cost was close for each one we looked at. I left messages on a couple of agencies and only one returned my phone call. That to me was the deciding factor.

Hope this helps. if you have any questions please contact me.

[randloar]

Great thread AwaitingBeloved! When we decided to adopt, we looked into all possible options (we had no idea what we wanted). I was adopted domestically, and have met my bio family, so I know that doesn't have to be a disaster. But we didn't know what was right for us so gave practically everything a chance!

The further we got into researching domestic, the less it fit us. I have a problem with the rate of failed matches (too high of a risk for loss for me!) although during our research we did learn the truth about many of the misconceptions about birthparents taking kids away later in life, etc and how exxagerated that situation is! THe other problem for us with domestic was the lack of control during the waiting to be matched. It could be a month or years, there was no line to wait your turn, it was dependant on the b-mom choosing you......call me insecure, but that was too much for me. And lastly, the fees ranged across such a wide span and could be comparable to intl if medical fees were needed (again, another huge unknown to prep for!).

The pros to domestic were that you would likely start your family with a newborn or very young baby, the potential to have a better grasp on the medical history of the child, and the ability to start your family without spending WEEKS in a foreign country!!

But we still ended up going the international route, with the pros including typically a more predictable timeline depending on the country, fees (for the reputable agencies) were relatively clearcut and known beforehand, and the "failure" rate is typically very low overall.

The cons to intl to us included the clearcut expense (at least with domestic you had the hope of it not being quite as expensive), older babies (youngest average age is 6 months old), not having the medical history or any background on the child, and the long travel time for most countries (Kaz is now 4-6 weeks, and is a huge time spent away from life and work and has stopped many from pursuing this country).

The next difficulty was picking a country, and our main criteria that made our decisions were based on the health and age of the child, the caretaker ratios, and the total time in process. Kazakhstan kept creeping up the list, and was from our research one of the better countries for health and caretaker ratios (anywhere from 4-6 kids to a caretaker, unlike China that can be 16-20 to 1). The estimated average total time for completing an adoption in Kaz is about a year, with some getting things done in 7-9 months, and fewer going longer than 14 months.

It is nice to see how others have made their choices and to see that we are all driven to our decisions by different "topics" that are important to us. Isn't it great that there are so many options that can allow all of us to reach the same goal by using so many different methods!!!

[mommamarci]

My decision was a purely selfish one. I was not sure we would be able to adopt more than once and I did not want to miss the firsts of my (possibly only) child. I wanted to feed the baby cereal and see the baby roll over and sit up. I could not live with missing the first 6 months. However, if we do decide we can afford to adopt again one day, I might be interested in international because the timeline and fees would be more set in stone, which would be good. It is hard trying to get approved for a loan that is hopefully $10,000 more than we need. But, if we have to pay medical expenses, we will need all of that. Anyway, we are just starting, so ask me again in six months and we will see if my answer has changed!!

[MkMw]

Well, long story short.

Initially we planned on adopting older children. Actually went to an agency in Seattle about it. They pretty much talked us out of it. They were ver honest about the issues that older children had, and suggested that we look at infant adoption first (this was 1996).

So, we got an application for a well-known facilitator, and I started filling out paperwork for the homestudy. Burst into tears and told my husband I couldn't do it - they wanted so much personal information and I just wasn't comfortable with it. I'm soooooooo over that now. Then, we moved to Virginia and just put everything on hold. We told everyone we had just decided to not have kids and to enjoy our neices and nephews and travel. Then in August 1999, we spent 10 days taking care of our nephew (then 4) and neice (then 2). It was the most exhausting, exhilirating experience - and I knew then that we needed to talk about adoption again. To this day I think this was my SIL's whole plan!

We talked about Russia, because I have a cousin who adopted from there, but decided on domestic because IF I had been adopted I would want to search.

So, we started looking at agencies and timing. We knew Matt was going back to sea at least one more time, and wanted to plan it so that he was a part of a baby's life as early and much as possible. Like Marci, we weren't sure if this would be our only adoption or not. So, when he got his orders to be transferred, we started our homestudy. We took our time (we had to do the social worker visits and classes when he was home on leave) and finished up about half way through his 3 year tour. I read alot about open adoption - in Virginia adoptive and birthparents are required to meet and exchange information, and yes, in the beginning it made me nervous.

Then, we went online with our profile (November 2001). On May 1, we got a contact - the last sentence was "I'm in South Africa, is the geography a problem?" So while our adoption is international - it functions much more like a domestic adoption.

This time around definately domestic. I like that I got to meet Y and her family - I want that for our next child too.