[Hopefulaz]

My husband and I are just starting out on the adoption journey, we hope to adopt an infant domestically, but one thing is really starting to bother me, where we live most of the agencies are faith based. And in addition many of the family profiles that I have looked at (in all states) seem to highlight the importance of their faith as a major factor in why a birth mother should choose them.

Although my husband and I would consider ourselves to be spiritual, we are not religious in the conventional sense of the word. We feel that we could offer such a wonderful home to a child but I am beginning to fear that we will be penalised because of our non conformance to the majority view of the perfect family.

Has anyone had any experience of this? I am not sure how to deal with it in our parent profile?

[randloar]

We noticed the same thing when we were looking into domestic adoption. For other reasons, we ended up going international and haven't noticed that with most of the intl agencies. I know that this doesn't help you, as I would wager there are agencies out there that will suit you, but just wanted to share that we had the same experience! I hope that you find an agency that fits your criteria, and hope the process goes well for you!!

[blessedbybug]

I think you have to be yourself, speak of your spirituality in the framework that you understand it, in the context of what it is to you, and ultimately, your child will find you. Both DH and I are members of the clergy and were worried that we would be painted as some kind of fanatics. We were with a private agency with no religious affiliation (even though there were 3 such agencies near us) and wondered how they would deal with us. But we could do nothing in the end but be who we are and know that our child would find us. They have been nothing but supportive of our lifestyle and choices and a good agency will do the same for you.

Did our child find us? She did, almost two years ago!!! Our DD's first mother chose us for many, many reasons, maybe partly because of our faith but not because it was the same as hers. She saw us as the family for her child, but not THE perfect family. In fact, she chose us because we didn't appear perfect, because we were true about the hardships in our lives and true about who we were.

I think you might be surprised by the number of expecting parents interested in a different way of looking at things. We have been waiting over 9 months for our second placement and in that time, three families that we know from our initial group of 10 families have been placed, all of them non-conformers, as you put it, in one way or another. They were the right families for those children.

The social worker should be impartial about your beliefs. His/her job is to determine whether or not your home and family is a safe and healthy place for a child to grow up. Regardless of his/her beliefs... if they don't, then you need to find an agency that fits with what you believe.

Best of everything on your journey...

[BestLight]

Hi, HopefulAZ.

We went with Lutheran Family Services in CO and initially had the same concerns. Although DH and I considered ourselves spiritual, we weren't particularly religious.

But LFS was not dogmatic about either our choice (or lack) of religion or our devoutness. Others in our adoption class were non-Lutheran.

It's interesting that neither of our bmoms were very religious. Both came to LFS because at the time they were making their decisions, someone happened to mention LFS to them.

Our bmoms and us were treated exceptionally well by LFS. I'm telling bits of the story on my blog but I'm not sure I can list the URL here. Send me a private message if you want to know more.

You're starting a wonderful adventure -- bon voyage!

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Hopeful,
DH and I signed on with an agency in our state that is not faith based. They encourage you to discuss your religious beliefs in your profile/DBMother letter, but other than that the ball is really in our court to decide what to mention and how much, etc.

When we started adoption, DH and I were a bit unhappy with our God, and when we did our profile that was something we acknowledged in it, that we're still trying to figure things out for ourselves and while some belief in a God is important to us, it doesn't matter so much what God or what the higher power is, if that makes sense.

The pbparents we're matched with currently were very appreciative of this and feel the same way. They want to make sure their child has the option to pick the religion they want to, IF they want to.

DH is still not really talking to God these days, though I am again. And I think things like this are important in the profile so the pbparents have an accurate picture of who you are, at least in this moment.

I do believe there is a pbparent for every paparent, so don't worry about being limited because of your beliefs.

Good luck!

[my_igit]

We also went with Lutheran Child and Family Services and for a domestic infant adoption and we are not Lutheran. Religion did not come into play at all- so I would say- try looking past the name of the agency and look into the services they provide and what your needs are. Good Luck!

[redbonec]

We are currently waiting to adopt with Lutheran Social Services agency. We are not Lutheran. Interestingly, when the agency talked about writing the letters about us, they told us not to be too religious in the writing!

[Hopefulaz]

Thank you all so much for your support and kind words, I am so glad that I found this forum. I will try very hard to just be myself in my Biog - It will be interesting trying to work out who that person actually is! The whole adoption process is turning into such a journey of discovery for us.

It makes me feel so much more hopeful to hear about your experiences and to know that it really is possible to do this thing.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Originally Posted by Hopefulaz

The whole adoption process is turning into such a journey of discovery for us.

It makes me feel so much more hopeful to hear about your experiences and to know that it really is possible to do this thing.

Yes, we found out quite a lot about ourselves, and our families, in this process. It's amazing what comes up during this process.

And it is nice to have hope, isn't it? That's what adoption has given us, too.

Good luck!

[LisaCA]

we were nominally episcopalian, mostly secular humanists. our agency wasn't religious, but bmom's agency was (bethany christian services). they didn't seem to care that bmom wasn't a christian, nor did Bethany care that our religious beliefs differed significantly from theirs. Dd was baptized episcopalian and bgrandma and bgrandpa were able to be at the service (bmom was out of the country). while we've gone back to the episcopal church since dd's arrival (mostly for personal and political reasons), it wasn't something we expected nor discussed in our profile. we figured if they were looking for someone particularly religious or spiritual, that they'd know that wasn't us, lol. I did talk a lot (3 sentences) about my vegetarianism though. turned out to be one of the major things that bmom liked-go figure.

just be honest in your profile. we only talked about those things that were important to us. and we found someone who really agreed with our beliefs.

[happygmom]

Expectant parents have the responsibilty to place their children with adoptive parents who share their values. Be honest with who you are and your children will find you.

Happy G'MH

[gigigeorge]

I agree that you just have to be honest.. we are not religious people... but since I know lots of people like us I never saw it as a strike against us. We used a facilitator, but we did look at agencies. Most in OK are very religious and we just weren't comfortable with that.

HTH

gina.

[Ranna]

My husband and I are non-denominational. Our agency is a Chrisitian based agency. Although we were not looking for a religious agency, we felt this one was perfect for us. Everyone beleives differently and can hardly agree on things, but for us, religion is important.

[mom2justynsarah]

I think it comes down to what's important to the birthmom. We are Jewish. Our birthmom is not. But to her, it was more important that we provide plenty of love, care, security etc. Religion was not a factor.


On a funny side note, she did mention once or twice that her daughter would be raised like a "Jewish American Princess." She liked that idea. Talk about stereotyping! LOL!