[Jazzi]

Hi,
While researching placement agencies DH and I are surprised at the # of agencies that will not allow prosepective couples to select the sex of the baby. We strongly desire a newborn girl, but are coming against agencies that are trying to persuade us differently. We have been informed that this may delay our wait for a child and that Bmoms do not look favorably at couples that make gender request.

We previously, (during our struggles with infertility), prepared our nursery (furniture, bedding, wall hangings etc.) for the arrival of our baby girl, we received numerous gifts, baby girl clothing (up to 24-36 months) with all the extra girly things included, needless to say...our hearts were broken. We never got to use any of these items. We have since stored the brand new items in the attic in anticipation that we will use them for our adopted baby girl.

This is the one and only reason that we are requesting a girl, we have such mixed emotions about making this gender request, especially with the resistance from agencies, but at the same time... what do we do?

This would be the first baby for both me and DH.

Please help!
Confused in NC

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

Although we adopted thru the foster system, we were specific that we would RATHER have a boy, but either sex would be OK. DH has 2 girls from his EX, and we REALLY wanted a boy. Voila...we got 2! I don't think you are being picky.

[ddhuab]

When we were researching domestic adoption (thinking at first that was the way we were going to go), everything I read said that very few agencies would allow you to choose gender.

The reasoning here, I think, is that most domestic adoptions match prior to birth. Also, many expectant women who might potentially place often begin looking for matches before they even know the gender of the baby. Also, I am sure some of them have the thought in the back of their minds, "What if we thought it was a girl but when it is born, it is a boy?" (Of course, I would hope this issue would be settled through communication before matches are 'finalized.' )

Are you looking for an open, semi-open, or closed adoption? If you are looking at closed, perhaps you can specify to be matched only with a newborn girl at birth/relinquishment.

Still, I think there are some domestic agencies that allow the couple to choose gender. Hopefully someone can let you know.

As far as the "girl question"... I am in no position to judge you, because we also chose the gender of our child in an international adoption. But if your reason has to do with the fact that you have all girl stuff, I don't think that is a strong reason. You say this will be your first child, which indicates you may want more in the future -- I am sure your family and friends will not mind purchasing boy items if you are matched with a boy. However, if you have a dream and feeling that your first child is going to be a girl, well, I can certainly understand that! (And I think that is a good reason). Whatever the case is, they are your own reasons, and the only person you have to feel justified with is yourself and your dh.

However, I would not have tried to choose gender if we went the domestic route, mainly because 1) I would be thrilled to have a son, too (and hope I will one day), and 2) I would not want to take a chance of delaying or even missing a match. There are so many factors that come into making a match in domestic adoption, so this would have been the least important to me. In the end, I actually had a fear we would NEVER be chosen by anyone, so that is why we decided to go international.

Good luck with in choosing an agency AND in finding your future child!

D.

[LisaCA]

you should be able to tell an agency that you want to be matched with a child that is already born and that you wish a girl. there are some agencies i understand that will allow you to select gender-hopefully some will list here, or try the General adoptive parents board. If you do this it will undoubtedly take longer to match.

that said, you have a 50-50 that it will be a girl. what if you're matched with a family and the baby isn't a girl but a boy-ask yourself what would you do?

I understand having girl stuff and wanting to use it-we have dd and tons of girl stuff. we're about to reenter the adoption game and yes, it would be easier to have a girl, but we will embrace a boy too .

if you want to adopt again after this one (and the first isn't a girl) you can save it for number two . If not, just sell it on ebay and spend the cash on new stuff for your little boy.

boys are cool too .

[Jazzi]

Thank you all for your input.... Since posting we have done some deep soul searching, you all have given us options to think about that we had not even considered. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. As a result we have decided to "Let go and Let God"..... girl or boy we would gladly welcome either.

Thanks Again!
Jazzi

[LisaCA]

here's what's so great about adoption-you get to go thru this major process of self examination . We've learned so much about each other and about ourselves-pretty cool.

hope things move quickly for you,

Lisa

[Ranna]

My husband and I were the same way..."Let Go and Let God!" Gender didn't necessarily play a huge role in our adoption decisions. Of course, I'd rather have a girl and he'd rather have a boy, but that doesn't mean we'd gladly take either. Good luck to you!