[Bubbette]

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We're ready to have a family, but both of us would rather adopt than have one biologically. Neither of us feel that it's right for us to bring a child into the world when there are so many children available. We also feel that a child doesn't have to be of our bodies to be a child of our heart.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Did you have any problems?

[stephdpenn]

My DH and I have 2 bio sons, neither of which was a planned pregancy. Now that we want to be parents again we are adopting from China. I can not begin to tell you how many times I have heard "oh, you can't have anymore of your own" or "I'm sorry I didn't know that you had a hysterectomy". Some people just can't get why we want to adopt instead of adding another one to the world ourselves. The people that do get it act like we are some sort of hero trying to save the world. You will be asked very personal questions I promise. I get a laugh out of it anymore. Sense of humor is the key!

Stephanie

[srusse24]

We have not been diagnosed "infertile", yet we are pursuing adoption. Actually, we began the process after on trying to conceive only 10 months, and before trying any fertility meds. We just knew this was the way we wanted to grow our family!

[JLyle]

Originally Posted by Bubbette

Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Did you have any problems?

We are in a similar situation, I guess; we don't have diagnosed infertility, but this is how we want to start our family. We're just about finished with our home study and haven't had any problems there. I don't really expect it to be an issue with potential birthmothers that we're shown to when we get to that point. Good luck!

[sneezyone]

We have unexplained infertility but chose to put our money into adoption rather than fertility treatments. I don't regret that choice for a minute although I know there are others who would make a different choice. Be prepared for people to second guess you. Even my dad and step mom - as much as they love and dote on our daughter - make comments about needing to try for a bio child. Sigh. Some people will never get it.

[tondy24]

We have been diagnosed with infertility, but rather than try any treatments we moved straight on to adoption. We knew that what we really wanted was to be parents and didn't necessarily need to be pregnant to achieve that. So we threw the pregnancy idea out the window and happily switched over to adoption!

[LisaCA]

dh and I made the decision to adopt assuming we'd want children when we became engaged almost 20 years ago. when we finally got around to admitting we were ready for kids, I was offered a job about 400 miles away. so for two years we lived apart. since we figured no one would let us adopt given the fact that we were in separate households except for occasional weekends, we decided to ttc. Okay, so living apart makes it a tad difficult, but we tried. even had a little intervention, but no luck. I'm not one to consider myself infertile-it wasn't our first choice nor was it too devastating when it didn't work (I really didn't want to be pregnant, but I didn't want to be quite so old at dd's birth either. i've gotten over the age thing-mostly, lol).

anyway, to cut to the chase, we do get many a weird comment about adoption being our first choice. we felt, and still feel, that there are many children in this country that need homes. we had the means and the desire to adopt so why not? that's not to put down those who would like to be pregnant-i think that's great. It just seemed if I didn't want to be, and I really wanted to adopt, why not?

we do get occasional comments about "now that we've adopted we'll get pregnant", often from folks who don't know us ( ). If I'm really appalled I'll say something with way too much info, like "hmmm, that would be interesting, because we're not even trying." that usually shuts them up, lol.

so far my favorite comment was from this little old white lady who met me on the bus and after a short conversation, said "why, you and your husband are the type that should have children" . so glad she's not in charge of the world's reproduction . As sneezyone says, some folks just don't get it.

oh and it wasn't a problem with bparents. we were chosen rather quickly.

Lisa

[mab_123]

We decided to adopt even before we were married. We love kids so much that even if we had our own we would still adopt. We have not been "diagnosed" with infertilite but have been trying for not quite a year now and still no luck. The way I see it is God intended for us to adopt and maybe not have biokids

[Linny]

We knew years before we married that we were going to adopt if we decided to have children. We encountered some problems with the first agency we dealt with (we lived overseas). They were concerned that we 'didn't want our own' (I know, I know...makes me want to scream!). One reason we wanted to adopt, was because there is severe diabetes within dh's extended family; and severe arthritis (starting within the young adult age)...in mine. And even though neither of us has these problems at this point--we did not want to deliberately straddle a child with these disorders. And, frankly, we felt that there were already too many people on the planet, etc.
So, we had to see an MD to show that there was a good chance we could conceive a baby with these problems....and our wanting to adopt was sincere.
I personally got some very rude comments concerning this issue from a classmate while attending college. (She got pregnant, and I'll never know why she was so angry that we had made the choice we did---other than the fact her family had severe diabetes in it too.....)
But, more than once, we had to 'prove' our sincerity. We also had to submit to a marriage test--separately and together---to show if we were compatible. (This was before our third adoption...and we'd been married for at least 15 yrs.)
Still, we've had our share of stupid comments about 'not having our own'. It makes me mad that some people put biology ahead of adoption in terms of thinking that a bio baby would be 'more' our own than another would be. But hey...it's their problem, I guess. We've never regretted not trying to get pg-----seven adoptions later....and even though two of those adoptions (older kid adoptions) have not gone well. (We're still considering adopting another baby...and time will tell......)

Sincerely,

Linny

[rbporlando]

DH and I are not considered infertile - but because of my medical conditions due to a car accident 6 years ago they don't think I can a) carry a pregnancy to term if I was even able to get pregnant and b) would not be able to take any of the meds I HAVE to take for my medical probs if I were to try and get pregnant... I had decided to adopt before I had even met DH, he was all for it before we even were serious. So here we are navigating this path...

We have run into problems with some of the international programs b/c we're not a purely infertile couple. Some of the int'l programs (the ones we were looking into) seem to be looking for infertile couples to place with, not couples like us who want to adopt for other reasons, whatever they may be... Just our experience thus far...

[kat8eyes]

We have 2 bio kids, plan to adopt at least 2, and then have another bio kid or two ourselves!
Since we are adopting AA or BiR, it doesn't seem like some people "care."
We have gotten lots of obnoxious "youll get pregnant" comments, but I think it's just that people don't get it, and don't see what they are saying as rude- they think there's being clever.

[MommyBear]

DH had a vasectomy early in life (when he was in a long-term relationship with someone else who already had a child). He did it not because he didn't want to parent, but because he felt like you - he had the opportunity to parent her child without adding more populace to an already troubled world. When we met, he told me about the vasectomy and was completely willing to reverse it. But after several years of debating what the right course of action would be, we decided to leave it alone and adopt. I too feel that the important thing is parenting, not spawning.

Our agency had no problem with the fact that we tried no invasive measures first.

Best of luck to you!!!

[redhedded]

Bubette, We chose NOT to have biological kids. There is not a single part of me that ever wanted to give birth to a child. I have a bladder disease, diagnosed and being treated since adolescence. Told my dh when we met that I was never giving birth; he said great and seemed to expect it. We were not sure if we were going to become parents or not. We were married five years, traveled far and near, ate migas at 3:00 am and played pool when we wanted; we both had good jobs that we enjoyed immensely. More than four years ago we decided after much conversation to become parents. We have adopted two newborns at birth; our daughter is 3 and our son 14 months. They are our greatest joy, and it seems now that life hardly existed before they arrived. They are also the only grandchildren. My dh is an only child, and my sister has opted to remain childless with a very busy career.

We had zero obstacles finding an agency and had nothing but love and support from family and friends. Hope that your journey is a wonderful one.

[Ranna]

Before we were married, my husband and I talked about kids and knew we would adopt. Not only is that something we wanted to do, but a disease I have (Neurofibromatosis Type 2) consists of tumors and they can grow around or on any nerves. If I became pregnant, there was too many risks for me and the baby. We did have one "scare" that we thought we were pregnant, but turned out to be a false positive. Technically, with this disease, you aren't necessarily infertile, but I chose to have my tubes tied (at the age of 23 it was a majro decision but I don't regret it). I, too, have to take pain meds and wouldn't be able to if I was pregnant. A lot of things factored into this decision. I prayed and prayed if this is what I needed to do and God gave me a great peace about it. Enough rambling from me I probably confused people talking about NF2!

[Becky01089]

My husband and I chose adoption over invitro, etc. We tried some basic fertility meds that didn't work and made me feel lousy. My DH is adopted and it was something we talked about doing when we met. I thought I would of had my first child and experienced the pregnancy thing and then we could have adopted a second child, maybe a few years old, who didn't expect to get picked. But here we are looking to adopt a newborn. I think it's a great decision for us. I can't wait to be a mommy! My friends and family now believe I will be pregnant soon. I wouldn't mind but I think we are committed to adoption and would do both!