[Badie]

Well dh and I just agreed to begin the adoption process. Actually we were thinking of looking into foster to adopt but then on our state's home page for DHR it says they are not accepting adoption applications for healthy white children under the age of 6 which would be what we are looking for (a healthy infant). It's not that we are being picky about adopting or fostering a healthy child but I run a home daycare and there is no way I would be able to meet the demands of a special needs child and run the daycare too. We are totally lost on the whole thing. We are wanting to adopt domestically. My husband and I were married May 2002. I just turned 25 and my dh just turned 30. We have been ttc #1 for almost 4 years (since we married). We pursued medical help November 2005 and found out I had a very bad case of PCOS. The doctor still wanted me to try clomid first. So we had 2 failed rounds of it. My husband and I don't believe in IVF or IUI so the next step would be having my tubes checked and other medical testing. However my dh says he is ready to pursue adoption and/or foster care. I have already been ready to look into both. I was ready 2 years ago but financially it was impossible at the time. I am calling the DHR lady who is over foster care in our county tomorrow. I will let you know what she says. I am hoping she will be able to give us alot of info about foster care and adoption. I dont' think adoption from our state will be possible since it seems they aren't taking any applications for what we are looking for. I ask for information from anyone. All info is needed. Whatever you can add would be great. Thanks!

[ddhuab]

You may also want to read some books (if you haven't started already). Your library may have some, but I liked:
-Adoption for Dummies (Not sure who the author is)

-I also read a really good one by someone named, I think, Lois Melina.

If you can find the website to Tapestry books, they have LOTS of adoption books.

In case you don't already know, there are all sorts of adoptions, and there are positives and negatives in every type, you just have to decide what best fits your family.

At first I thought we would be doing a domestic adoption of a caucasion infant... after I began reading, we changed our minds... I NEVER thought we would do an international adoption. Now we are in process of adopting a beautiful little baby girl from Guatemala.

(I am by no means suggesting you should adopt from Guatemala... just to be ready for a HUGE amount of information...)

Good luck and congratulations on beginning your journey to grow your family.

D.

[carlal32]

Hi Badie,

First, I want to say how badly I feel for you about the fertility setbacks. My DH and I have also been on this road for the past 6 years, and it's been very rough. I don't want to push my own ideas on your life, but I know one or the other of us has had to wait for the other partner at times when one wasn't ready or sure about the next step. Right now, my DH is wanting to go for donor embryo, but I'm not sure that's what I want after so many other fertility treatments. I'm tired. But we are talking a lot about it and trying to eventually come to the point where we are both comfortable about it or maybe decide not to do it at all. I sensed that you are hestitant about adopting at this point. Maybe you just need a bit more time. I don't know, just for whatever it's worth. I know I had to finally and thoroughly grieve for the baby that could never be before I could think about adoption. It's just been recently that I've come to that point, and my husband is also moving in that direction.

I have been doing quite of bit of research the past few weeks, and could suggest a few agencies that I've found to be interesting and very helpful: the IAC (Independent Adoption Center in CA), Nightlight, Bethany Christian Services (if you are a Christian), etc. Of course, there are many small agencies in each state, such as Hope's Promise in CO or Heart to Heart in Utah (which also does national adoptions). So far, I've heard mostly good about these agencies. The whole process is very challenging, especially first learning how it all works and what to look for and not to look for. I just started Googling and reading all I could and joined several forums to post questions, etc. I have also found the book "Adopting after Infertility" by Patricia Johnston to be very helpful, as well as the book "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer S...(can't remember the last name). The last one was very helpful for me in finally working through my grief.

If you wish to pm me with other questions or just feel like venting, I'll be more than happy to share.

Carla

[Badie]

Thanks ladies. I am really overwhelmed. My husband and I are definitely looking into adoption AND foster care. We are not giving up having a biological child. We are just gonna wait and see if it happens but we are going to go ahead and pursue something else since it could take years more for us to get pregnant and we both want a child badly. I would love the opportunity to give a child a needed home, to love and care for him/her when noone else would. I have nothing against adopting internationally but it just doesn't feel right for us. Of course in the future we might change our minds but right now where we are at in our lives international adoption doesn't seem like an option. I don't even know if domestic adoption would work for us due to expenses. I have heard it is almost free if you do foster to adopt but it can take time too to get a baby. That is why we are starting now. My husband just told me that we are financially stable, we have a 4-bedroom house, 2 good jobs, and everything is set up already (due to the home daycare I have) so why not give a child a home even if it is temporary. Hopefully though a day will come we could get an infant that needs a home. I know all about the different types of adoptions. I also know the price range but I have some other questions:
1. Can we adopt an infant from anywhere in the USA or do you have a certain area you have to look into?
2. How long does the actual paperwork take?
3. Do I need a certain type of lawyer or none at all?
4. Would I have to have all my fingerprinting and back ground checks done again although I just had it done last August for the daycare?

Carla-I am sorry you have been through the pain too. Noone can imagine what it feels like unless they go through it too. thanks for the names of those agencies. I am definitely going to check them out tonight. I don't have time today. The kids are napping but I have some cleaning up to do.

D.-Thanks for names of those books. I saw so many at the bookstore and I didn't know which to get or look at.

Thanks for all answers. Hopefully someone can answer those above.

[jillned]

Hi...........I thought I'd let you know how it worked for us....
1. Can we adopt an infant from anywhere in the USA or do you have a certain area you have to look into?
Our first aoption we stayd within our homestate, but for our second one we are searching throughout the country.
2. How long does the actual paperwork take?
We had to take 9 weeks of classes and I think everything was complete about a month after the classes ended.

3. Do I need a certain type of lawyer or none at all?
We used an attorney.........once you have your child, you don't want to take any chances(just my opinion)
4. Would I have to have all my fingerprinting and back ground checks done again although I just had it done last August for the daycare?
I also have a daycare but had to get fingerprinted etc again for our licensing agency.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Badie,
I wanted to say congratulations on your decision to adopt. After fertility treatments, you'll be prepared for the continued roller coaster.. I expected it not to be as difficult as IVF... and in lots of ways it's not, but I had no idea how hard this would be!!! I just wanted to give you a "head's up" because if you and your dh are like us...you are likely very hopeful (a good thing) that this will be safer then fertility, and more in your control. It can still be very difficult.. just an FYI. But, I'm told it's all worth it in the end. :-)

I also wanted to let you know, that it is possible to adopt a healthy white infant domestically.

DH and I signed on with an agency with few limitations.. we did not want to bite off more than we could chew.. being first time parents, we knew we would not be ready for a special needs child. So, we put on our application that we would be interested in any child, without known special needs.

We agreed that we would be okay with any race.

We've been matched with several pbmom's. Most have them been CC with CC pbdad's, too. A couple have been filipino, hispanic, and AA.

The one we are matched with currently that is looking pretty good (so far, knock on wood!) is a CC woman and the pbdad is CC as well. And they are both healthy. And the baby, as far as can be seen on ultrasound, is healthy, too.

I just wanted to let you know. It can be a major roller coaster. But, it's not impossible.

Whatever you decide, make sure you and your dh are comfortable with it. Someone on here said once that they agreed that if either of them had an issue with a potential situation, they would not move forward with it. And it's helped them. And, her suggestion has helped us, too. If we're not both on board, then we'll wait for the one until we both are.

Just take your time researching. We are adopting through an agency. And they have been wonderful for the most part. But it's more expensive than other ways. I wish I had done more research.

Good luck in your journey. Hope to see you around here more!!! Hope I didn't scare you, I don't mean to! I just wish I had a head's up myself!!!

[ddhuab]

If you haven't already, you may want to specifically post some questions to the Foster-Adopt board. (and certainly read through some of the posts there).

I think it is wonderful that you are pursuing this option of adoption.

D.

[Lenorah]

We are on week 3 of our Mapp training... its going great... Many people in our class... almost the whole class cant have children... I also have PCOS.

We are looking forward to finishing our class, we want to foster to adopt under 3 doesnt matter girl/boy- we are looking for 2 children WE HOPE! We was told it could be about 1000-3000 dollars per child... that court cost and lawyers fees. That a lot better than the 20000-40000 we were loking at from private agencies...

I would suggest to call up your local social services and just tell them you are intrested. Ours took our name and address and mailed us an invite to the 1st meeting. Then we got a application and started classes.... GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

PS... Dont let PCOS get you down, I know that the first time someone calls me MOMMY..... PCOS did not and could not stop that!!!!!!

[Badie]

We have decided to do the foster care first. Then we would adopt if a child came up. The foster care classes don't start until August 2006. We also will not have to go through any of the requirements again since we just completed them in August 2005 for the home daycare. You have to have background checks (fingerprints, child abuse/neglect check, and references), CPR, First Aid, TB test, medical report, and home inspection. There were some other things I am sure but can't remember. Anyway I was glad we won't have to go through that again. We will still have to do the family member interviews and fill out a financial report but that is all. We are also looking for a child under 3. We do want a white child though so it might take awhile.