[nsmmom]

Hi,

We're new to adoption. We have fertility problems but do have a 4 year old ds from treatment. We're looking to do a domestic adoption. I have a mild seizure disorder that I have been completely controlled on medication for 20 years. It doesn't affect my daily life besides taking the medication and doesn't affect my parenting ability at all, my ds is very healthy. My doctor will write a letter stating that it doesn't affect my parenting ability.

I just wanted to know if this is going to cause a problem trying to adopt. I understand from reading that I can't adopt from China or Korea because of it, but it might be okay for domestic.

I would appreciate any info before I start the process.

Thanks,
Vicky

[BrandyHagz]

Vicky,

When adopting domestically, you would be covered under the Americans with Disability Act…what that means is that an agency cant refuse to work with you based on your “disability”.

There are some international programs that don’t have such strict guidelines like Korea and China – one of those programs is Guatemala. Of course, any program that is “easier” is going to cost a little more. Currently the program in Guatemala runs in the low 30’s.

Another program that seems to be more “forgiving” of medical issues is Ethiopia. That program is less expensive that most other IA programs – and also has a very quick timeline.

I only mentioned the IA programs because you seemed to be interested in those and if you’re really feeling a call for IA – I thought I could share the information with you that might make it easier.

Good luck!

[blessedbybug]

Just be completely honest...I also have a chronic illness that is controlled with treatment. It did not affect our ability to adopt in the least. We adopted domestically in North America.

[nsmmom]

Thank you both for your quick replies, I really appreciate it.
Blessed by bug - did you tell the birth parents about it, or was it noted in your homestudy. Since domestic is all about birth parents choice, it just concerns me that no one will pick us because of it.

Brandy - Thanks for the all the info, Guatemala is our second choice, but I wasn't sure about how they would take it so it's good to know they're a little less harsh about it.

Thanks again,
Vicky

[blessedbybug]

Vicky - It was noted in our homestudy and I know that Kate's first mom read it from cover to cover, based on other things that she knew. Since it doesn't affect how I function on a day to day basis, we didn't bring it up but would have been glad to do it if she had asked or had concerns.

As for whether or not you'll be picked, we were told sevl reasons (when we asked) by our agency that may take us longer to be chosen. They included our ages (36 & 49...old, lol!), our location (rural) and our professions (clergy). Those were three of the named reasons why Bug's first mom chose us, and we were chosen within 14 months, which for our agency was about average. There are still couples from our training seminar waiting and our Bug is 20 months old. I was also quite overweight at the time (I've lost 75 pounds since) and that didn't stop her from picking us either. In fact, at the time our pics for our profile were taken, I was on stress leave due to work/health issues and I thought I looked terrible. She thought I looked happy and soulful (her words!). I call it tired but she say something in me, she said, that looked like I was alive and ready to be a mom. All that to say that you never know what the reason will be they will or won't pick you... they are looking for the best for their child and based on what they read it could be you, even with some health issues.

Bug's first mom was very outspoken in our meeting about how she was looking for someone "real" who could understand that life wasn't easy and things weren't perfect. She didn't pick some families because they "appeared" too perfect... would they be able to relate to her life??? We appreciated that about her... You are who you are...hey, it may take a bit longer, you never know, but you could be picked right away because they can relate to dealing with similar issues. Just a thought...

Hoping for you as you make this decision...

[rredhead]

Hi,

I too have a chronic condition that leaves me slightly disabled and on medication. I told all of the agencies that I talked with up front, and then asked if my condition would cause any problems. All of them said, No, even the one international agency we looked into.
We ultimately opted for domestic adoption through a private agency. Our adoption counselor there initially told us that we should put "Excellent" for health, even though she knew that was not the case with me. We went with "Good*" and the asterisk explained that, as long as I'm on medication, I'm OK.
We ultimately matched with a potential birth mother in October, only 5 months after we signed with the agency. We had a telephone meeting (she's in another state), and when the counselor asked if there was anything else we wanted to say, I started off with, "I don't know if you know this, but I do have this medical issue-" She cut me off. She said, "I know. That's why I picked you." She explained that she felt better about giving her baby to a couple whom she knew could not have one.
There are so many potential birth moms out there, and no two are alike, just like no two adoptive parents are alike. If you're up front about it, your medical issues won't cause a problem, at least in domestic adoption. I can PM you the name of the international agency that we were going to use before we decided to go domestic, if you'd like.
Hope this helps!

Good luck and God bless,
Robyn

PS: My husband is also on a medication for depression, and no one batted an eye.