[TXGatpr]

Howdy! I'm new to this site and the whole idea of adoption and I have lots of questions!

I was presented with a very intereting opportunity the other night, and I want to research it some more to see how "legit" everything is. DH and I have been trying to conceive for almost 2 years now. We've semi-talked about adoption and decided that if we're not PG by 2006 (it's getting closer and closer!), we're going to start looking into it.

Well, I was talking to a friend the other night whom I haven't seen in months, and she was telling me about a very close friend of her family who is pregnant and due in the next month or so. Apparently, the family all thinks that this girl is going to abandon her baby soon after it is born. She's already made mention to the fact and all but asked who would take the baby for her.

My friend said none of the family want the responsibility of raising a child and the boyfriend's family doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby whether they keep it or not, so the grandmother has already decided that, should the baby be abandoned, she will put it up for adoption right away. They've already discussed that it will be a closed adoption and that they will never allow this girl or her boyfriend to know anything about it. Their plan is to take the baby to their church and give it to a church member.

As we were talking, my friend asked if DH and I would be interested in taking the baby. It's obviously not a sure thing. Hopefully the girl will straighten up her life and keep the baby. But, she said if we're interested, they would love to give her to us instead of someone at the church. My friend knows that we've been trying and the struggles that we've been having. She, her husband and her whole family keep telling us that we'll make wonderful parents and they can't wait to see us with a child of our own.

Anyway, my question is ~ how legal is this and where would I go to start looking into it? I didn't think someone could just give a baby away. I mean, wouldn't they have to go through the proper channels? DH and I have talked about adoption and it is something we are both open to, but we haven't started REALLY looking into it. We haven't talked to agencies or lawyers or taken a home study course or anything.

Any advice you have to offer would be great! We're in Texas if that makes a difference. I know the laws are different for each state. I especially want to find out if it's legal and what exactly is involved before I mention something to DH. I know it's nothing definite, but I want to know all the facts before I get his hopes up in the slightest.

Thanks in advance!

-Heather.

[blessedbybug]

Your first step is to contact an adoption attorney and/or agency in your area. The expecting mother has the right to make a parenting plan which could include an adoption plan with you. You can discuss the legalities/procedures of the situation with a professional in your area. I know this is vague but each state/province has different laws. Texas, as far as I can tell from the experience of others, is an adoption friendly state.

A professional would tell you the best way to handle this. MOst likely what they would do, if you are interested, is encourage you to start homestudy work, to be ready if the expecting mother chose adoption and then chose you. Most places are willing to speed up the process in order to be ready. SOme states will allow for temporary guardianship of a child if the homestudy is not done. I would think the last thing she would want would be to have her child "abandoned" and put into foster care when right now, she has the opportunity to choose her child's family.

For us, this type of "independent" adoption would mean that we would encourage the expecting mother to get counseling from an attorney or agency regarding her decision, so she knows all her options, where she could get help if she chose to parent, what her rights are as the placing parent. She would also receive counseling regarding her decision for a closed adoption. Most are open these days and she would need to consider if this was an option for her. It is also important to understand the expecting father's role in the placement as well.

[tobeafamily]

Heather,

Your instincts are correct - they cannot simply 'give' you the baby, there are steps that must be taken.

First, the biological parents must either relinquish their parental rights or have them terminated involuntarily by the court system. There is NO WAY the grandmother can simply 'give' the baby to someone to raise legally without the biological parents' consent. She has no legal rights.

Consider that if you accept placement without this critical step being taken - termination of parental rights - at any time the child could be removed from your care by the biological parents or the state with no recourse on your part.

Now if the biological parents do abandon the child, then legal responsibility goes to the state, who then seek a placement for the child - either with relatives or with foster-to-adopt parents. Note that involuntary termination of rightrs is a lengthy and unpredictible process.

My best advice would be for you to first, contact this young lady and her family and speak to them directly. They may not have seriously thought about the implications of what they are saying or planning.

If they would consider a domestic parental placement, then get in touch with an attorney who specializes in adoption. The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys keeps its' member list online at www.adoptiontattorneys.com. Call a few and compare experience, fees, and services.

At that point your attorney can contact this family to again discuss plans, as well as guide you towards meeting the requrements for your state - namely a complete home study.

Best of luck,

Regina