[Humbysgirl]

Hello Everyone: I'm new here and I'm trying to find answers to my questions about adopting an infant. Just this week, I met with a birthmother about adopting her baby (due next month.) She seems to be very sincere about wanting a good family for her baby (which we can provide), but I'm conflicted about several aspects of her situation. First, she's a mother of three and cannot financially afford a fourth child. Her family does not know about this baby, and the birthmother doesn't feel they have a need to know. Second, the BF is known, but she has also decided not to let him know about the pregnancy or that she is planning to put up the baby for adoption. I know that the decision is ultimately hers, but I can't help but feeling that something is just not right about this situation. Are my feelings/intuition justified, or am I expecting too much?

Thank you.

[MkMw]

Well, I would probably encourage her to tell her family. They may be able/willing to help her and may be intersted in raising the baby themselves, which could come back to haunt you prior to finalization - but you are 100% right it is her choice on that and there are reasons that women don't tell their families.

HOWEVER - the BF has to be told. Have you talked to an attorney? Do you know the BF's name? The baby is half his, and if you do adopt this baby, father's rights vary from state to state, but he very well may have the right (if he has the desire) to raise the baby. If not, then your attorney will need to make sure that his rights are legally terminated along with hers, or you could run into big problems down the road.

If it were me, I would definately get in touch with an attorney, and get her in touch with an attorney.

Is she getting any counseling?

[Humbysgirl]

Originally Posted by MkMw

Well, I would probably encourage her to tell her family. They may be able/willing to help her and may be intersted in raising the baby themselves, which could come back to haunt you prior to finalization - but you are 100% right it is her choice on that and there are reasons that women don't tell their families.

HOWEVER - the BF has to be told. Have you talked to an attorney? Do you know the BF's name? The baby is half his, and if you do adopt this baby, father's rights vary from state to state, but he very well may have the right (if he has the desire) to raise the baby. If not, then your attorney will need to make sure that his rights are legally terminated along with hers, or you could run into big problems down the road.

If it were me, I would definately get in touch with an attorney, and get her in touch with an attorney.

Is she getting any counseling?

Michelle: Thanks so much for your response. We have not spoken to an attorney (due to the suddeness of this situation.) I don't believe the ** has either. As far as counseling goes, I do not believe she has received any type of counseling. She does seem misguided about the pregnancy, and I think I would feel more at ease if things were on the "up and up."

[BoxerLady6]

The BF has to be notfied. But I believe letting her family know should be her choice. Maybe she KNOWS they would want to raise the baby and that is not what she wants. I know I would have been pretty upset if someone in my family tried to convince me to let them raise my bdaughter. Lucky that wasn't the case and they fully supported the adoption BUT if I had thought there could have been a chance of them offering to raise her I defintely would not have told them.